Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Aw Shucks, We're Just Happy to Be Able to Share the Same Court With Such Brilliance

After quaking in fear at the mere thought of playing The Terrors from Coffee Flats in our first season, If You Want My Bocce has finally come of age.

Sure, we beat them in the playoffs last year but flukes can happen, right? If you listened to any of the Flatters after that defeat, the only reason they lost was because, um, I can't remember what their reason was. Maybe it was because they had to wait a long time or something after beating Cobra Kai? Oh yeah, that was it. Ok, nevermind that we had had been sitting around ourselves all day before playing. But whatever makes one feel better I suppose.

Still, the Terrors are top notch and a team to be reckoned with. As I've contended for a long time, no one thinks our team of castoffs and fresh faces is any good. Fair enough. The Terrors still didn't think much of us even after we ended their summer season.

When our match began on Saturday, we were all relaxed. Gone was any team tension. We have come together as a group. Even when we were down 5-1 in the first game, no one was too worried. And then the magic began. The turning point was a beautiful smash-up by Reason to Believe Mike that gave us three points. The Balltrap Jim and I added two more quick points (and blew the chance to put it away with our last two rolls) before Sweet Little Rock and Roller Sarah put the Terrors out of their misery with coldhearted precision.

7-5 Rod

In Game 2, Dani Terror (who by the way can't even get her name listed on the Terrors blog) blew us all away. Holy mother of God she dominated. We played okay. We didn't make any terrible mistakes or anything but Dani and the gang were just too much for us.

7-2 Terrors

The decisive Game 3 arrived quickly. I decided to put the Game 1 squad back on the court. This also allowed me to keep Mike in there and for good reason - he was rolling the best and we all did, in fact, need a reason to keep believing. All of Team Rod was happy to see that Cap'n Terror took out his hot hand by putting Dani on the bench.

The Balltrap took the last match for himself and dominated the hell out of it. While Reason to Believe and Sweet Little Rock and Roller were solid, they were outscored 0 to 3 on their end. But Jim all by his lonesome took it to the bad guys. Two amazing frames gave us 6 points.

Then it was up to me in the last frame. After an incredible Sweet Touch roll that staved off a Terrors defeat brought the score to 6-3 Rod, it was up to Jim and me. And we did the job. I saved my best roll of the day for the end. It set up Balgavy as the final chance for the Terrors much as Sweet Touch had just been a few minutes before. Unlike Sweet Touch, Turkey Terror couldn't do it and the victory was ours! Our record against our old teammates has been evened at 2.

7-3 Rod

Coffee Flats Terrors: All Class, All the Time

After the game, the Coffee Flatters still couldn't bring themselves to believe that Team Rod was actually any good. Read what they have to say. Go ahead, try to find one positive word about their opponents. Not there to be found.

When they lose, it is because they didn't roll well. It has nothing to do with their opponent. It has nothing to do with their opponent rolling well and putting the pressure on them. Even the phrase "It was up to me to make a final, almost impossible shot, to keep us in the game," doesn't make any mention why it was an impossible shot for them. Not because it was a good roll by Hot Legs, I presume, but simply that the Terrors beat themselves.

This is all fine. You don't have to respect us. We'll keep doing our thing. We have respect for you, even when we beat you. In fact, if you take a look at what was written after we lost to the Terrors for the second time, all those many months ago, it was clear that we had respect, perhaps too much respect and fear, for the Terrors.

Now the Terrors are left to question what went wrong, why they can't beat a clearly inferior team. They are left grasping at straws. In fact, one of the better comments to come out of this whole thing is now I'm being ridiculed for leaving in my hottest player of the day to play all three games on Saturday. I suppose it would have been fair if I had taken him out, you know to give the clearly superior team a fighting chance against us. Duly noted.

Record: 4-1

Park Slope Gastronome on the victory meal. Coincidentally, the last time we beat the Terrors, uh, I mean the last time the Terrors somehow made too many mistakes to hand us the victory, we also went to Grimaldi's.

Two Movies:

Movie 1:
Down 6-2 in Game 3, Sweet Touch has to pull out a miracle to snatch victory from our clutches. He does. Sorry that I didn't get the rollback on the ball but I wanted to get a good reaction shot. After the crazy cheering by the Terrors, Cap'n Terror was overheard telling his team to act like they had "been there" before.
The Endy Chavez Moment

Movie 2:
Down 6-3, Turkey Terror has one last chance. He is unsuccessful. Team Rod celebrates in a "We've been here before" kind of fashion. Thanks for the advice Cap'n Terror.
Some Teams Have All the Luck

The Balltrap took home the Rod LP as our first ever RVP - which somehow stands for Most Valuable Rod. While he didn't fully begin to shine until Game 3, he directly led to 6 of the 7 points in the decisive game. Well done, Balltrap. Who will take home the Rod this Saturday?

Monday, October 23, 2006

In a Week Where Rod Stewart Had the Number One CD in the Land, How Could We Lose?

I haven't met all of the new teams (granted two of them were too lame to even show up to face us) but how can anyone be nicer than the Cleveland Steamers? Mild-mannered yet competitive, these newbies took us for all we were worth on Saturday.

For the second straight week, If You Want My Bocce played short-handed. Only Love Touch was loyal enough to make it to matches each of the past two weeks. If I had actually gotten my Rod MVP idea off the ground, she would definitely deserve the Rod LP of the week for showing up to both matches.

Love Touch and Young Turk played well together. Yours truly and the Balltrap were inconsistent but pulled it together when it mattered most.

In Game 1, we almost blew a 5-0 early lead but held onto win 7-6. In Game 2, we came from a 6-2 hole to win 7-6. The Cleveland Steamers bought us some beer and we all toasted the good cheer of everyone involved. Up next, the Coffee Flats Mercenaries.

Record: 3-1

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Well, Sometimes Team Rod is Stoppable

And last Saturday was one of those times. Team Rod was short four vital players (three were attending the nuptials of a friend and we lost one to the law that day), but the four remaining players felt cool, confident and ready to take on the Kai. One of my teammates told me my hair looked nice, so I was feeling good!

So we took to the court and really gave the Kai a run for their money. We all rolled pretty well and to be honest, I thought we were going take the first set (Is that what it's even called? When playing bocce, I like to use tennis terminology - game, set, match. Is this wrong?). But alas, we didn't and took a 7 to 5 loss. Sadly, after we lost Big Mo we just never regained our composure. Yeah, Cobra Kai spanked us - 7 to 1. Ouch. I have to say, I'm disappointed. I really think we could have beaten them, but victory just wasn't in the cards for Rod that day.

Afterward, while smoking a cigarette, I was shat on by a flying rat, which is supposed to be good luck. Well, where were you BEFORE the match, stupid pigeon?!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Team Rod is Unstoppable

Especially when four of our past six opponents have been too afraid to face us.

This past Saturday, it was New Kids on the Bocc who refused to show up. If I were those jokers, I'd be afraid to face Rod too.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Rod Demands Respect

If You Want My Bocce continues to get disrespected by the Bocce Elite. That is okay though. Because three of our past five matches have seen our foes too afraid to even show up and take us on.

In a scrimmage against one of our many soon to be victims, we won two games to one.

If You Want My Bocce - 1 Victory
The rest of the league - Who cares?