Sunday, February 22, 2009

Hot Off The Presses!!!

This just in: IYWMB defeats Ruckamuck 2 to 1!

Round 1: 7-2
Round 2: 6-7
Round 3: 7-2

Ruckamuck, who, unlike our last opponent, actually showed up for the game, pulled out every trick in their book to defeat us and came up short, even with the last minute addition of this lady:

As Dan noted, it must have been the great presence of Rod in Brooklyn that Friday that provided the extra "oomph" in our throws, the extra sexy in our bocce and the extra sleep deprivation in Dan's slouching tosses of victory.

After the amazing victory over those ruthless probable law students that comprise Ruckamuck, not to mention Sweet Touch assisting Cobra Kai in a near shut-out defeat of The Iron Fists (they DO exist), several of Rod's members charged off into the crisp Brooklyn afternoon and watched as Sweet Touch rode various inanimate objects home as a questionable form of celebration.

The results weren't pretty:

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Rod Wishes his Brooklyn Pals Good Luck

From today's paper of record:
Daptone Records, the Brooklyn soul label that releases albums by Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings and the Budos Band among others, was burglarized over the Presidents’ Day weekend, the label’s co-founder, Gabriel Roth, said in an e-mail message reported on Mr. Roth wrote that numerous items had been stolen or damaged, including computers, turntables, amplifiers, guitars and other instruments. In an interview, the other founder, Neal Sugarman, said workers were still cleaning up the label’s office, in the Bushwick section of Brooklyn, and assessing what was taken, adding, “It’s hard to tell whether they knew what they wanted to get or not.” He said that police were investigating and that the label would remain closed for several days, though it hoped to reopen by Friday for a planned recording session for Rod Stewart.

From Gabriel Roth's letter:
We have a session scheduled for Friday to lay down some music for (I know this sounds surreal) Rod Stewart, and I'm going to have to get the studio running by then. I know I'm going to need to find headphones, cables, mics, and pre-amps by then. I'm not sure what else yet.

Rolling Stone reports that the Rod sessions are in doubt. No!!!!!!!

Rod is in Brooklyn this Friday? What's he doing on Saturday? Shit, we've got to get in touch with Daptone to let Rod know to come see us play!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Rod Eliminates the Competition in a Triumphant Forfeit!

The Iron Fists proved no match for Rod's seductive ways. It's clear that they caught word of our savage play the previous week and intentionally avoided our devastating oxidization powers.

Rod is embarrassed about that last sentence.

Little did the The Iron Fists know, Rod is not beneath free points.

Season thus far: 2-1.

This coming week allows us a break so we can celebrate Valentine's Day Rod-style. That means:

...uh, hide in the trunk of your lady's car and emerge wearing a plaid scarf and your skivvies.

Or, you know, surprise her when she walks in the door wearing those special green pants you bought for just such an occasion:
Just keep in mind, whatever you decide to do, make it special. Rod wouldn't have it any other way.

Also, President's Day is coming up, Rod has no thoughts on the subject. He prefers Royalty.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Dirty Weekend

Athlete Name: Rebecca Orchant

Nickname: Dirty Weekend

Age: 24

Birthplace: Albuquerque, NM. Really.

Began playing bocce when: The good old days.

Training regiment: Always with beer.

What got you into the sport: My love of old Italian men and all that they love.

Where do you find the inspiration: Peer pressure.

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: The skin on chocolate pudding/Open-mouthed chewing.

What do you look for in a set of balls: Groom...edness.

What is your overall bocce philosophy: If you can play it one-handed, I'm in!

Greatest Bocce Moment: Crushing Sean Stewart in the match of a lifetime, sending him on a downward spiral into Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Purely for my own viewing pleasure.

Famous Quote: Oh, BALLS.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Only a Hobo

Athlete Name: Sean Gardner.

Nickname: Only A Hobo.
Age: 27

Birthplace: Somewhere outside of Boston.

Began playing bocce when: Sperm.

Training regiment: With beer.

What got you into the sport: Failure at every other "organized sport."

Where do you find the inspiration: Mockery. Shame. Also, fear.

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: Crying/Douches.

What do you look for in a set of balls: Caked in a thin layer of dust.

What is your overall bocce philosophy: It could have been worse.

Greatest Bocce Moment: I once challenged Rod himself to a game. We toasted a round of Pimms' Cups and rolled our smooth balls 'neath the Sphinx. Between games, he serenaded me with a stirring rendition of "You Put Something Better Inside Me" (it made me feel weird).

Famous Quote: "Define inappropriate."

Monday, February 02, 2009

Rod Likes a Full Squad

For the first time in ages, attendance was not a worry. And Rod kicked much ass. Against Boccismo, Rod felt good.


Big Bam Boom! Oh wait, that isn't Rod.

Season Record: 1-1

Check back for updates on our newest team members in the next couple of days.