If You Want My Bocce

The Thunder Chickens Showdown: As Told Through Rod's Song Titles.

2010-10-05T14:18:00.006-04:00

All right now, have I told you lately? I just got some, I feel good.

Last summer, I don't want to talk about it. Three time losers. A hard road, but it's all over now, no more time in the balltrap.

But it got dark. One night, on the beach, stone cold sober, eating rice pudding. My fault! My girl, you were born loose, almost illegal. And I got lost in you. Devotion, but not for me. I need to know, hot legs, do you think I'm sexy still? Or am I just another honky?

So tired. Oh god, I wish I was home tonight, need your love touch.

I was only joking!!! You're so rude! You're insane! You're my girl (I don't want to discuss it)! You put something better inside of me, you can make me dance, sing or anything.

Why does it go on???

Because, we never give up on a dream. Because Team Rod, you keep me hangin' on. After all, that's what friends are for.

Last night, seems like a long time ago, we took the downtown train, cut across shorty in this dirty old town, to the cigarettes and alcohol of Floyd and started drinking again. I was red hot in black and Spanish boots, nevertheless, there was no holding back.

We all know the first cut is the deepest and on this one night, love in the right hands, lady luck on our side, we came to tear it up. Alright for an hour, some guys have all the luck.

Every picture tells a story. Can I get a witness?

Thunder Chickens, (I know) I'm losing you, can we still be friends?

As for my funny valentine, Maggie May, we'll be together again. Tonight's the night (gonna be alright). All for love, all for love.

Farewell!

P.S. Welcome to the team, Jennifer and Luke!

Rod to Paris: "It's time to give up the drugs"

2010-09-17T16:13:00.001-04:00

In the wake of heiress Paris Hilton's arrest for cocaine possession, Rod was recently quoted as saying that his daughter Kimberly's good friend is a "beautiful girl" and "tremendously polite".

He added: "You don't need them. We've all done it but I've never been a druggie person so I've always been against it."

Yes, this guy said that.

Since Rod was going round giving out such excessive and unwarranted compliments and being, in general, just so damned nice to basket-cases, we thought he might just hand everyone a win this season to boost their spirits.

Sorry, Brooklyn Ballers. We were wrong. So wrong.

In the words of Captain Sweet Touch:

"It looked like were going to somewhat cruise to a game one victory, and we were stunned with a three spot to lose 7-6. We came back strong to win game two 7-5, and continued on to win game three 7-4. Good start to a difficult fall season. Go get 'em Rod!"

Lamest Season Ever

2010-08-30T20:01:00.000-04:00

Half the league seemingly couldn't get a spot on the schedule. I only played in one game all season. And then we didn't even attend the playoffs despite being on the schedule. Sweet Touch arranged it with some of the Thunder Chickens that they might play for us. I never heard if they did but I'm assuming we aren't league champions.

The recap.

Thunder Chickens. Despite Lauren's great work with this pic, Rod prevailed.

We lost to Summer Ham. Gross.

Arthur Boccerelli beat us again.

Inglorious Bocce didn't stand a chance.

Season record: 3-2

Snooze.

Rod Likes to Kiss Kiss AND Bang & Bang

2010-07-05T16:05:00.000-04:00

Val & Robert

Meet Rod!

If You Want My Bocce vs. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

7-0 Rod
7-0 Rod

Hello summer season!

Free Fallin'

2010-05-06T11:12:00.001-04:00

On the morning of March 26, 2006, these things were happening in this great land of ours.

The Republicans controlled everything.

The first episode of Hannah Montana had just debuted.

Someone named Daddy Yankee was taking our shores by storm with his unique blend of swagger, sexiness, and dance grooves.

And we just couldn't get enough of this movie.

And there was a Brooklyn bocce team named The Coffee Flats Terrors.

The day before, they had just beaten Team Rod for the second time in a row. It was a sad day for Rod.

But four years and 9 matches later, The Terrors (now the Wildfowl) still had not beaten Team Rod again.

That is until this past Monday night.

They dismantled Rod in Game 1 by a score of 7-0. Then they took a 6-1 lead in Game 2. But Team Rod showed heart and determination even if it didn't show skill. We came back to a 6-5 score and even had a point in the next frame until Alex J's stupendous roll closed us out.

All good things must come to an end including our four year winning streak against the Terrifying Fowl. It also seems likely that our streak of making the playoffs has ended.

We finish the regular season at 4-5 and on a three game losing streak. Yikes.

In fact, since starting last season 7-0, our record (if you take out a forfeit victory) has been 4-7.

If we don't make the playoffs, I promise you Rod will be back for the summer! That's about all I can promise. We'll be back.

By the way, Rod thinks that Tom Petty sucks.

Uh-Oh

2010-05-02T22:03:00.001-04:00

The power of Rod's green pants didn't help last Monday night. Rod fell in three to Fahgeddabocce.
With one game left, Rod runs the risk of missing out on the playoffs for the first time. Granted, until recently every team used to make the playoffs so it isn't that impressive a feat. Our last game against our vaunted rivals The Wildfowl could be the key to making the playoffs.

With a win, Rod will finish the regular season 5-4. With a loss, the playoffs look unlikely. I'm not sure what The Wildfowl's current record is but a little research shows that Jess Gulbranson scored an exclusive interview with Meshell Ndegeocello back in November 2009.

We haven't lost to the Terrors/Wildfowl in over four years. Hopefully, they don't get their revenge at an inopportune time for Rod.

Sweet Touch Called Us a Sinking Ship

2010-04-26T11:19:00.004-04:00

Well, let's not draw this out.

Rod was beaten by Tarrytown Surprise in two.

Tonight, however, we play some philandering creeps called Bocce Said She Was 18. If there's anything Rod knows how to take down, it's the barely legal set. AmIright?

Chin up, Rod. We'll catch them when they least expect it.

TRUE ROD STORY

2010-03-31T08:55:00.000-04:00

Rod was staying in the same hotel as The Balltrap's friend Jackie and her family in Hawaii. There was a fire and their hotel room burned up. So they got put in a suite near Rod's suite. She said he was very nice and he was with a lot of women in bikinis.

Oh yeah, Rod destroyed the Ball Busters on Monday night.

7-0
7-1

Season Record: 4-2

What Happens When a Thunder Chicken Crosses the Road?

2010-03-16T23:17:00.002-04:00

Rod runs it over!

We won in two games.

Season Record: 3-2

This picture has nothing to do with anything other than I like how scary I look as a terrorist chicken. Maybe the Thunder Chickens need to change their name next season?

Rod, Curling and Victory

2010-03-02T11:48:00.001-05:00

Last night, after posting a dismal 1-2 season record thus far, Rod took his balls back. Some say we have curling to thank for this. The Winter Olympics, loathed by many, slept through by more and watched by a few of us, featured the tremendous sport of curling (some would say "bocce on ice").

First off, those people are assholes. We don't sweep shit. Secondly, they make a fair point. It's "bocce on ice" if you remove the ice, the flat surfaces, the brooms, the target, the physcial activity and turn the stones into balls. And if you're clearly an idiot that has no concept of anything.

But nevertheless, Rod watched it and it made him think about angles, ball speed, competition and mostly got him hard for bocce again.

Proof is in the pudding, fools.

Rod Lost But At Least Alex's Cookies Were Fabulous!

2010-02-18T17:38:00.000-05:00

Monday night's match pitted BF Sweet Touch vs. GF Alex B. Keaton. Who would win the grudge match?

The coin toss went the way of Arthur Boccerelli.

Arthur took it to Rod. Ouch. Before Rod knew it, he had been decimated 7-3 in the first game. The second game started well and Rod took a 5-0 lead. But that only set up a horrendous collapse. Arthur B took the second game 7-5.

The Fonzie ladies pose by the depressing evidence. Ay!!!!!!

Last season Rod started 7-0. Thus far, Rod is 1-2 in 2010. Yikes.

The most exciting news about this night (other than the amazing cookies) is that Lauren made a movie. Too bad the results weren't better.

Bocce night from poohlaga on Vimeo.

No 7-0 Start for Rod This Season

2010-02-02T10:31:00.000-05:00

After dismantling some new team last week with knocking balls in their name, we had to face top notch talent in the second week.

It didn't go so well for us.

Last week, we didn't give up a point and cruised to two 7-0 victories.

Last night it seemed like it might be the inverse.

We lost the first game 7-0 in two frames.

In the second game we went down 4-0 before storming back to take a 6-5 lead.

We had plenty of opportunities in 2 of the last 3 frames to win (and got lucky in the the next-to-last frame that they didn't put us away) but the bocce gods weren't with the Rods last night. Despite our valiant efforts, Team Rod went down swinging 7-6 in the second game.

Rod hopes to rebound against the Fonz next match.

Season Record: 1-1

New Season Starts Tonite

2010-01-25T16:39:00.004-05:00

Go get em Rod!

Rod Hates the Fall Playoffs

2009-12-20T00:21:00.001-05:00

Not only did Rod not make it to the Final 4 but now the Onion is making fun of him.

And, oh yeah, Joanie Loves Bocce won ... again.

The Same Old Song: Rod's Christmas Is Ruined Yet Again

2009-12-06T21:07:00.000-05:00

Bah humbug! After starting the season 7-0, we entered the playoffs on a 1 game losing streak.

Our first match was won by forfeit.

Our second match was lost by pure domination.

For the second season in a row, the Gowanus Iguanuas took us out in the Final 8. We beat them in the regular season but that's no consolation. In the playoffs, they have proven to know how to tame Rod.

We go into yet another offseason with no trophy. Maybe Season 13 will be the lucky season for Rod.

All in all, we can't be too upset about a 7-2 season but it's hard to be too happy going out like punks like we did. Rod doesn't like punks.

Quote of the night:
Jim: "I was hoping to get my master's and a bocce trophy in the same week. I hope I still get my master's."

I'll be ordering my new Rod shirt soon. I hope my teammates join me. We need a new look to take on 2010 and lucky number (season) 13.

No more Mr. Nice Rod in 2010!

As for 2009, it remains the same old song.

Seven is Not Enough

2009-11-24T10:09:00.000-05:00

Rod and his wife Penny are trying to have their second child. It would be Rod's eighth child. When asked about it, Rod said, "“Yes, we’re trying — we actually tried last night! One more and then we’re going to close the office.”

Coincidentally(?), Team Rod was also going for it last night. We were going for our 8th win of the fall season. If successful, we would finish the regular season with a perfect 8-0 record.

Unfortunately for Rod, wife Penny is still not with (Rod)child. And Team Rod did not go undefeated. We fell behind early in both games by scores of 4-0 and 3-0 only to come back and take 6-4 and 5-3 leads. But we couldn't hold the fort either time and lost both games to The Mo I Bocce.

Just like we know Rod will be more successful in impregnating his wife in the coming days, we know that Team Rod will be more successful in bringing home more victories in the coming days. The playoffs start after Thanksgiving. And unlike Rod, Team Rod will not be closing up office when it attains its 8th. Team Rod wants a trophy.

And when we win, we'll invite Rod and Penny along for the ride in the limo where they can try for lucky number 8. Go Rod!

One Victory Away from An Undefeated Regular Season!

2009-11-17T22:24:00.001-05:00

Rod goes 7-0. Mitch does the telling. And for the record Mitch, we played Tarrytown Surprise.

For my first write-up ever, I'm embarrassed to report that I don't remember the name of the team we played - but I do know that they seemed like nice people and one guy in particular made a pretty amazing shot at one point. That said, they needed to recruit a stranger from the bar to be their fourth player, and it's no secret that Rod intimidates and manipulates strangers like no one else (I'm sorry but I'm out of milk and coffee; Never mind, sugar, we can watch the early movie").

Game one seemed to go very quickly - I remember Rebecca and Beth rolling particularly well from the top of the court. I stunk in game two, missing an entire cluster of balls in the middle of the court to hit the back wall for the third time in my first four shots and contribute mightily to a swift defeat. But game three saw Rod claw back and take control to keep the prospects of an undefeated season alive.

For the record, I also thought our team was particularly well-dressed tonight - Jim was wearing a sweatshirt I hadn't seen before, Erik was wearing a very fetching yellow sweater, and I believe I heard Beth complement Rebecca's sweater more than once. It was aces all around, and another one for the win column. On the season, we now have as many victories (7) as Rod has children. Odds are high that both numbers will continue to rise.

Friends, Foes and Terrible Grades

2009-11-05T13:57:00.009-05:00

Dudes. Did you SEE Rod on Dancing with Stars?? Me neither, but check out that suit jacket!

Some other really great stuff has happened with Rod since last we spoke. Let's break it down.

Everyone knows that Rod has no natural predators in the wild (oh, what, TIGERS? Please!). In fact, he doesn't even like to have enemies. However, sometimes it's necessary. Rod stared down one of the greatest threats that man has ever known. The Wildfowl.

In FACT, Rod dislikes having enemies so much (especially when his enemies are usually friends, but for the purpose of competition must hate each other for a 1.5 hour period every few seasons), he had to dismantle the competition in two frames. Oh, hello 5-0, how about you come back to my dressing room?

Everyone needs a break between games. Below you can see Otis being rocked to sleep by the knowledge that Sean was mere DAYS away from shaving that beard off.

Then it was back to business. Rod had to face down a crew known only as "F-". But Rod wasn't fooled. Rod knows all about intentionally lowered expectations for purposes of subterfuge. Haven't you seen his children on reality TV? So, we approached our opponent with careful study and an air of cautious elegance.

By that I mean, Dan rolled with a BABY attached to him!

The F-'s were also taken down in two, as we all wanted to go home and bed our new ladyfriends, 6-0.

Just reach out and touch me, 6-0. Just reach out and touch me.

The Last Two Weeks in Rod News

2009-10-26T15:38:00.000-04:00

1. Rod tore it up on Leno.
2. Team Rod beat Watch Your Balls in 2 games to run their season record to 4-0.

3. Team Rod discovered the best blog on the interweb.

4. Rod's new LP drops tomorrow.
5. Make sure to catch Rod on Kimmel later in the week.

It's a glorious time to be Team Rod right now.

Does Beating a Team Named Arthur Boccerelli & The Happy Days Atone for Losing to Joanie Loves Bocce in the Final 4 a Few Seasons Ago?

2009-10-12T17:25:00.001-04:00

Probably not. But who cares about the past? Rod is now 3-0 this season!

If You Want My Bocce: Fonz's Dream Rod

Team Rod vs. Boccelism

2009-09-28T22:28:00.000-04:00

An 8 pm start time at Floyd usually means 8:45 or later, right? Especially when it is supposed to be the third game of the night.

So I was surprised to get a call from Jim at 8:03 stating that the game was about to start and he was the only member of the squad who was actually there. Shit! I was getting ready to leave when I got his call. I hopped on my bike and pedaled as fast as I could through downtown Brooklyn. A forfeit is not the way Rod wants to go out.

I pedaled like I've never pedaled before.

Game 1
I arrived to Floyd out of breath and ready to roll. Lucky for me, it was my turn to roll. Perfect timing.

We took a 4-0 lead but in Rod style gave it back. Two 3 spots to the Lism didn't help matters. We lost 7-5.

Game 2
With the score tied at 2, we were handed a golden opportunity to put up a 4 spot which is unheard of against Boccelism. I was in disbelief. But I was in even more disbelief when we couldn't capitalize and only scored two.

No matter. We still won. It just took longer.

Game 3
Jim took over.

In the final frame, we each had one ball left but they had the point.

That is they had the point until Jim went to town. Lism missed and we had the victory!

It was our first victory against Boccelism since November 2007. And it felt nice.

With two games down, we are feeling good. After two seasons in Saturday purgatory, we are back with the cream of the crop on Monday nights. We have already vanquished the team that ended our summer season and now the six time champions.

Could this season finally belong to Rod?

Season Record: 2-0

Three Heartthrobs

2009-09-21T16:55:00.000-04:00

Last Monday

This heartthrob died.

This heartthrob stunned the tennis world.

This heartthrob took care of business.
Team Rod over Gowanus Iguanus in 3.

Season Record: 1-0

Rod Tastes Defeat Yet Once Again

2009-09-03T15:56:00.001-04:00

Summer Playoffs

It started off well. I was at home rooting on Rod from my couch. We were playing the Holy Bocce Balls, Batman! Um, yeah.

Sean kept me up-to-date on what was going on. I paid him back by explaining the difference between a match, a game, and a frame.

And then Rod finished them off.

I biked over for our final 8 match against the always tough Gowanus Iguanas.

Dave had to leave so I kept him informed.

But we couldn't finish them off! It was so frustrating. It was typical Rod. We started Game 3 strong by taking a 4-0 lead. Then they came back to tie it before we took a 6-4. As mentioned in my text with Dave, we had them down to their last point. But they made a great shot to take the point. 6-5 us.

In the next frame, they tied us at 6.

In the final frame of the match, Mitch made a great shot and things looked great for us. They missed on the next two tries. They were down to their last shot. And the same guy who made the clutch shot earlier did it again!

We had one ball left. Erik tried to smash but missed. Victory was not Rod's. Again.

Not sure why I even needed to text this to Dave since I'm pretty sure he heard the cheering from the always quite vocal Iguanas while sitting in his apartment a few blocks away.

When I told SHR what happened, she said, "It seems like the other team always makes some miraculous shot to beat us at the end."

The next weekend The Wildfowl took their third championship. Congratulations turkeys!

This season, Rod heads back to Monday nights. Can we keep up our 8 game winning streak against them? Or now that they have changed their team name, have things changed?

And most importantly, how does team captain Sweet Touch feel about the Wildfowl victory considering the stated reason he left the squad back during the contentious autumn of '07 was because he wanted to have the most championships of anyone amongst the two rival squads? Now we have to win this season just for him to tie.

Bring on the fall!

Season Record: 7-5

An Unhappy Recap in Texts and E-Mails

2009-08-21T21:28:00.001-04:00

In the last game of the regular season Team Rod faced off against a team that had only one win all season - against Rod.

This summer has been a trying one for Rod. Too much blow and not enough rolling.

I couldn't make it to the game but Sean kept me posted through the magic of the satellites in the sky.

The next day, the sadness mixed with relief.

Sean sent the team an e-mail after finding out that we were tied for first on Saturday:
Wow. Too bad the Mets can't get this sort of competition. 6-4 and first? Christ! I will also take this moment to apologize to my teammates for my performance last night. If you need a recap, you can feel free to ask those that were there, including Balgavy, Ezra and Jamie, each wearing a smirk and giggling like school children. We not only let ourselves down, but Rod was let down. As was the game of bocce. I may never recover.

To which Sweet Touch responded with poetry:
Day 1 of the season starts next Saturday, everything else was just passing time.

Rebecca wrote:
I agree. Everything else was just practice. EXCEPT for when I played the best bocce of my life last night. I'm going to go ahead and count that.

Jim brought up raunchiness, the way Rod likes it.
You need to think more like Rod in the photos where he is wearing a speedo: no shame.

SHR wrote:
Yeah, not to steal your thunder Sean, but there are been many many epic collapses for Team Rod. It's what makes us Team Rod.

Sean was sufficiently cheered up:
Wow, look at this outpouring of shame. Maybe Rod is my team for good reason. Not only do I choke under pressure and allow amazing leads vanquish but I also stage ridiculous acts of violence over losses. But nothing close to Sujan's story. I need to look for that hole now. So exciting! Never have I been more proud to play for Rod.

The real season starts tomorrow!

The Double "Trouble" Header

2009-08-14T16:58:00.011-04:00

That's right. Two games. Same teams both games. Trouble.

Especially with an incomplete line-up. After a near forfeit, we were handed down a gift from the gods, Jeff from The Mo' I Bocce, or as we like to call him, "Sweet Touch." Wink!

So "Sweet Touch" Jeff, together with Dan, Becca and Sean, ventured into the first of two matches against Joanie Loves Bocce (it happened to be their second of three games that day and the captain's third of four, yeesh). They tried not to look out to the bright, beautiful Brooklyn Saturday that they were missing. I let them know that while they were stuck inside, playing game after game of bocce, Rod had already been to the Flea, the Farmers' and kissed Bonita farewell that day. But then we're gloating assholes, so whatever.

Oh, right, the game. We won the first. And, in typical Rod style, got cocky and lost the second. It was tooth and nail, or more appropriately, tooth and measuring tape the entire showdown. Seriously, about 30 shots were painstakingly measured by the captain, who maybe should change career paths and go into carpentry. Or a job at Home Depot.

This was the last weekend of the regular season, and it left us with a 6-3 record. However, we would have one final, memorable, tragic make-up game ahead of us. And we'll allow Dan to tell that story at a future date. Stay posted, it's a doozy.

Rod Loves Visitors From Olympia, Washington

2009-08-09T20:24:00.001-04:00

Team Rod has had a difficult time fielding a team this season.

For our 8/1 match, we turned to an out-of-town guest Shawn. She kicked ass, Rod style.

Her thoughts on the match (as ghostwritten by her boyfriend Adam who was 3,000 miles away during the match) --
i showed up to hang out and drink a few beers, but i ended up leading the team to the greatest upset in the history of brooklyn bocce. i was pounding forties like there was no tomorrow, just trying to max and relax and kick back and enjoy the ambience. but when 3 members of my friend's team could not show due to a wicked bungee jumping accident, i was called out of the bullpen to give my all for victory. my hands were shaky at first considering this was the first time that i had played competitive bocce in some time. but i soon gathered my steel and started knocking the bocce ball down. a hooper there, a leaner there, i was on fire and could see nothing but the ball and the target. there were no words exchanged, no pleasantries, but there was an unspoken bond between team and balls that could not be interrupted for anything. soon enough the rival team was dispatched and we all celebrated with some champagne coolies.

Victory

2009-08-01T00:21:00.001-04:00

Rod Does Some Soul Searching

2009-07-23T10:15:00.001-04:00

There used to be a day when Rod would get invited to every secret event and hip gathering in every port from NYC to Shanghai and all points in between.

But it has recently come to his attention that there are some secret dumpster pool parties going on in Brooklyn. So secret that Rod wasn't even invited.

He gets that - maybe the organizers didn't think he'd want to attend so they simply saved him the awkwardness of having to politely demur. To be honest, swimming in a pool made out of a dumpster isn't exactly the same as doing lines from Rachel Hunter's bumhole, now is it?

But then he took a look at this picture and spied something.

That's right - a bocce court!

Everyone knows that if there is any sort of fun bocce going on anywhere in the world, Rod wants to know. He is devastated that he was not invited and now wonders if he has put out one too many Songbook collections to be considered hip enough to be invited to these kinds of events.

It is a sad day for Rod but he promises to take it out on our opponent this Saturday. Watch out Solid Gold!

Speaking of Solid Gold ...

Summer Season x 5 Games.

2009-07-13T14:57:00.015-04:00

Alright, whatever, Rod's over apologies. It's time to fill you in on the season so far. So what if I'm unable to keep my drinking in check? So what if I have to write this post at the studio because as soon as I get home, I can't function through the gin fog? So what if I can't be trusted around heavy machinery? Who needs heavy machinery?

So here's the deal, I post a photo of the score, tell you a quick bit about the game, move on. I've got five to get through here, give me a break.

vs. Solid Gold.

So the thing I remember about this game is that Sweet Touch knew the guy on the team. They were rookies. They were better than we expected.

Also, it was the same day as Dr. Booze's farewell party. Which was epic. But back to the game, we won.

vs. The Mo I Bocce.

These guys were also rookies. They were also better than expected. They are incredibly friendly and delightful to play against. Also, we beat them. Always nice.

Oh, and there were an insane amount of kids in the bar. Having birthday parties. In the bar. Yep.

And it was a double header. This was game one. Game two...

vs. The Lassos.

I remember that girl from Gossip Girl, Blake Lively, was in the bar during this match. People flocked to her and her small dog. How did this happen? Didn't they realize that Rod Stewart himself was in the house? How dare they?

We must have been tired because after three hours of bocce that fine Saturday, we lost to The Lassos. Another team of rookies. It was shameful.

vs. Count Boccula.

Yep. We lost to a team named Count Boccula. And they were, guess what... rookies!!!

To be fair, Sweet Touch was crushingly hungover (who does he think he is, Rod?) and Dirty Weekend's little brother Jason, a rookie of our own for once, filled in as our fourth. It didn't help. Rod folded like balsa wood under the pressure and walked home, head hung in shame. Count Boccula...

vs. The Mo I Bocce. Again.

Yes, it's been that long. I missed that many posts. We played The Mo I Bocce once again this past Saturday. Again, we beat them. Here's an artistic version of the above photo:

Sexy, right? It reminds me of myself in the 70's. I miss those days.

Also, for this game, good ole' Jim Flood joined us. And he took some snazzy photos, like the one up top. And the one below this here sentence:

The End of Last Season, to the Best of My Knowledge

2009-06-22T20:31:00.008-04:00

Rod did not win last season. Instead, Rod fell into an abyss of depression.

He blames the loss. To be honest (which Rod isn't a fan of), it merely started there. But then it spiraled downward, endlessly.

Other elements came into play. Like his inability to hold down a stable relationship. With a woman.

Or his children.

Also, he reflected on his choice of attire for the past 40 years and cringed. That's when the drinking started.

The drinking lasted until this evening. That's when he realized what a son of a bitch he is for not updating the blog. Maybe his son was right about him. Maybe he is nothing more than an egomaniac who loves to dangle carrots over the heads of his fans, i.e. the readers of this here blog. For this he apologizes.

Also, he would like to inform you that the apology is insincere. What do you want from him? He's a rock star. We do what we want.

For example:

On this note, Rod would like to share with you the comments from an email chain with his teammates regarding last season. Apparently, he was not the only one that drank himself into a coma.

"I know we lost to Old Dirty Barristers, not sure who we beat that day though."

"The week prior to that, we beat Cobra Kai, right?"

"Yeah, I don't remember who we played either. Did we play Cobra Kai? I don't even remember that."

So there you have it. In the first round of the playoffs, we're sort of sure that we beat Cobra Kai.

After that stunning victory, unparalleled in skill and class by any team ever to play the sweet game of bocce, we advanced to the following week, a winner take all scenario that would last hours and carry into the wee hours of late afternoon.

The first game, it was Rod versus Kiss My Pallino. But don't worry, we also took them down in a battle to end all battles. It was as if the Greek Gods were clashing, like "titans" if you will. Luckily, Rod played the role of Harry Hamlin and tricked the wily crew who, admittedly, were clearly more interested in the Preakness races anyway. Whatever, we advanced to the Final Four.

The Rod crew chose to indulge in a post-victory meal at Five Guys, strutting through Brooklyn Heights with bad attitudes and a swagger rivaling P. Diddy's. It wouldn't last long. Old Dirty Barristers, as you noticed from the emailed quotes above, decimated us in the Final Four.

The Final match was between ODB and Boccelism. Boccelism won. Again. Woo-hoo...

IYWMB v. Shut It, We’re Here to Drink, Saturday, 18th April, 1:00 p.m.

2009-04-20T15:45:00.015-04:00

By Dave aka Gladrags
Photos by Jim aka "Balltrap"

And drink they did.

We arrived a few minutes before match time. The bar was already permeated by the aroma of fried food and teeming with fans who had come not in the expectation that they might one day tell their grandchildren that they witnessed first-hand the completion of IYWMB’s almost undefeated season, but rather to watch the F.A. Cup semifinal between Arsenal and Chelsea on satellite TV. After a few minutes of warm-ups, we noticed that our opponents were three, and Courson approached them to inquire as to the status of their fourth. He was sadly not told to shut it, but rather that their final member was on his way. He arrived a few minutes later, and after Shut It scored a couple of sixes of Schlitz, IYWMB’s inexorable march toward almost-undefeatedness was underway.

The first game was over in a flash. A wondertoss by Sujan made it 1-0, good throws by Courson and me made it 2-0 and 3-0 respectively, and another great Sujan roll (made possible by some opportunistic play by Auntie Bethy) left us with a 4-0 lead. Under the weight of this onslaught, Shut It folded like a Japanese schoolgirl making an origami representation of despair. Visibly rattled, they gave us an easy opportunity for four, but Courson and I only needed three. 7-0.

The second game started much as the first had. Sujan and Jim pressed them early with the long game, and Shut It proved helpless against the power of the rollback. Seemingly, also helpless against the power of the Schlitz’s. Jim secured one point and yet another brilliant effort by Sujan turned one into two. 2-0.

Courson kept the pedal pressed firmly to the metal and went long again. Curiously, I had decided to advise one of the Shut It guys in the interval about the need when rolling from the south end to get past the dark patch (or as I call it, “Coogan’s Bluff”) and down the hill. I was soundly punished for that departure from my normally cutthroated nature, as that same Shut It roller then scooted right past our defensive balls and made it 2-2. His Mets shirted partner could have gone for three, but failed to summon the courage. Either that, or he was simply so amazed that they had scored any points that he lost his grip on the ball and just dropped it. The Schlitz now coursing through their veins, they quickly snatched another point to make it 3-2, before Courson seemed to right the USS IYWMB and level things at 3.

Unfortunately, this proved to be only a temporary course correction, and some lucky rollbacks and a lot of brute force put them up 6-3. Just then, the bar erupted, as Drogba rounded the Arsenal keeper and slotted home to send Chelsea to Wembley. Shut It must have been disappointed, because they couldn’t have seemed any more eager to throw the game away. After throwing the white ball long, they threw their first ball short, and it settled in about eight feet from the target. It was to end up their closest ball. The second throw hit the back wall and a shout of “Don’t let them get four points” from an increasingly pained teammate began to look more like a prophecy than a warning. Two more balls against the back wall, and Sujan and Jim crossed the “t” and dotted the “i.” It spelled victory.

In Honor of Double Trouble: A Double Update!

2009-04-06T12:36:00.022-04:00

And so let it be written: Rod is on fire.

While he must apologize for lack of updates, it was for good reason.

You see, he spent the better part of last week and a half on an incredible bender, doing 8-balls, visiting strip clubs and participating in generally despicable behavior, all in the name of celebration.

Please allow Rod to explain:

First, there was the game against the Balls of Justice. I assume they were made up of lawyers with a pretty good sense of humor. But a good sense of humor does not a bocce game win, as was clearly demonstrated as Rod brought the gavel down in style.

Here are some examples of Rod's prowess on the court:

Dr. Booze declared that the victory was thanks to her burgeoning relationship with WB (or as the uninitiated refer to her, "Water Bottle").

To find out more, you can spy on this beautiful duo by going here: http://ilovemynewwaterbottle.blogspot.com/

However, this clearly wasn't a WB-related victory, because the next week, we took down Cobra Kai.

Note the fancy cursive!

This game had been in the back of our minds all season, especially because the match (originally slated to go down over a month ago) was postponed. Many of us worried that these two teams would never meet, but alas, the scheduling Gods made this happen and things got weird.

First, Rod goes down 4-0.

But apparently, Rod enjoys being an underdog because that shit did not last!

Bam!

Moments later, comeback city. Ball after ball flowed freely from Rod's spindly fingers, racking up points like hit singles of other people's records.

Before we knew it, the game was over, and as our heads stopped spinning, we all came to the startling realization that a) Dr. Booze is a liar and b) Mitch was on fire. Playing a match that would make any old Italian man blush, Mitch brought the thunder and made it rain pain. Witness a graceful toss from the golden arm:

Team Rod: The New Face of First Place!

2009-03-23T11:38:00.009-04:00

As you may have gleaned from the title, we are now in possession of first place in the Saturday ranks. I give the arrival of Double Trouble credit for this feat. Allow me to explain.

As you can see from the scoreboard, the first round was abysmal. It may have had something to do with the boisterous cursing of Tottenham fans, who are undying loyalists and would have been cute in a non-competitive setting, but were mostly distracting. The second round began the same way. We were down 4 to 1, but that's when Otis came swooning over the speakers.

Sure, Sam was a no show (from now on, all playlists with Otis must now include a Sam song as well), but with the sudden support from the new arrivals, Dan's spirit lifted and before we knew it, the rest of the team came with.

Erik was dancing (to be fair, he danced the entire time, but before Otis, it was a sad dance of defeat and hangovers).

Henry perked up for the first time all day (though he would hold out on high fives until he left shortly after round 2). Also, please note his Chelsea jersey, which was pointed out by a few Tottenham hooligans, who were savagely mocked by Henry's total lack of awareness at their team's existence.

So we ground out game two, coming back and making Rod proud of us, a feat never achieved by his failure of a son Sean.

And let's not get started with Kimberly.

Suffice it to say, shortly after this photo was taken, we discovered that a) she's terrible at riding motorcycles and b) she chose not to wear underwear.

Back to the subject at hand, we wiped up round 3 and snatched victory from the Hibocces. Perhaps the best team we've played this season, but still, no match for a strong Rod (Mitch was still missing, which made us sad, but not sad enough to nix dancing). And the spiritual presence of Sujan and Double Trouble was felt by all.

Winning shot!

Welcome Sam and Otis!

Rod Loves 4 on 1 (But Usually Prefers to Be the 1)

2009-03-01T18:09:00.001-05:00

Saturday saw Rod's record improve to 4-1. We had a difficult time putting together a full squad. But not nearly as difficult a time as our opponent. In fact, they only had one person show up. On our side, Mike gallantly stepped in to be our 4th member.

So despite what the rules state, we decided why the heck not? Let's do it 4 on 1, Rod Style!

We won. No problem. We wore down Excessive Force Chris and celebrated.

On another note, this match will be my last bocce match before the arrival of Double Trouble - planned for this Friday. Their bocce training will commence the next day but I doubt I'll be at the highly anticipated Cobra Kai match. Go Rod!

Hot Off The Presses!!!

2009-02-22T15:14:00.023-05:00

This just in: IYWMB defeats Ruckamuck 2 to 1!

Round 1: 7-2
Round 2: 6-7
Round 3: 7-2

Ruckamuck, who, unlike our last opponent, actually showed up for the game, pulled out every trick in their book to defeat us and came up short, even with the last minute addition of this lady:

As Dan noted, it must have been the great presence of Rod in Brooklyn that Friday that provided the extra "oomph" in our throws, the extra sexy in our bocce and the extra sleep deprivation in Dan's slouching tosses of victory.

After the amazing victory over those ruthless probable law students that comprise Ruckamuck, not to mention Sweet Touch assisting Cobra Kai in a near shut-out defeat of The Iron Fists (they DO exist), several of Rod's members charged off into the crisp Brooklyn afternoon and watched as Sweet Touch rode various inanimate objects home as a questionable form of celebration.

The results weren't pretty:

Rod Wishes his Brooklyn Pals Good Luck

2009-02-18T19:25:00.001-05:00

From today's paper of record:
Daptone Records, the Brooklyn soul label that releases albums by Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings and the Budos Band among others, was burglarized over the Presidents’ Day weekend, the label’s co-founder, Gabriel Roth, said in an e-mail message reported on brooklynvegan.com. Mr. Roth wrote that numerous items had been stolen or damaged, including computers, turntables, amplifiers, guitars and other instruments. In an interview, the other founder, Neal Sugarman, said workers were still cleaning up the label’s office, in the Bushwick section of Brooklyn, and assessing what was taken, adding, “It’s hard to tell whether they knew what they wanted to get or not.” He said that police were investigating and that the label would remain closed for several days, though it hoped to reopen by Friday for a planned recording session for Rod Stewart.

From Gabriel Roth's letter:
We have a session scheduled for Friday to lay down some music for (I know this sounds surreal) Rod Stewart, and I'm going to have to get the studio running by then. I know I'm going to need to find headphones, cables, mics, and pre-amps by then. I'm not sure what else yet.

Rolling Stone reports that the Rod sessions are in doubt. No!!!!!!!

Rod is in Brooklyn this Friday? What's he doing on Saturday? Shit, we've got to get in touch with Daptone to let Rod know to come see us play!

Rod Eliminates the Competition in a Triumphant Forfeit!

2009-02-13T12:58:00.009-05:00

The Iron Fists proved no match for Rod's seductive ways. It's clear that they caught word of our savage play the previous week and intentionally avoided our devastating oxidization powers.

Rod is embarrassed about that last sentence.

Little did the The Iron Fists know, Rod is not beneath free points.

Season thus far: 2-1.

This coming week allows us a break so we can celebrate Valentine's Day Rod-style. That means:

...uh, hide in the trunk of your lady's car and emerge wearing a plaid scarf and your skivvies.

Or, you know, surprise her when she walks in the door wearing those special green pants you bought for just such an occasion:
Just keep in mind, whatever you decide to do, make it special. Rod wouldn't have it any other way.

Also, President's Day is coming up, Rod has no thoughts on the subject. He prefers Royalty.

Dirty Weekend

2009-02-04T21:14:00.002-05:00

Athlete Name: Rebecca Orchant

Nickname: Dirty Weekend

Age: 24

Birthplace: Albuquerque, NM. Really.

Began playing bocce when: The good old days.

Training regiment: Always with beer.

What got you into the sport: My love of old Italian men and all that they love.

Where do you find the inspiration: Peer pressure.

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: The skin on chocolate pudding/Open-mouthed chewing.

What do you look for in a set of balls: Groom...edness.

What is your overall bocce philosophy: If you can play it one-handed, I'm in!

Greatest Bocce Moment: Crushing Sean Stewart in the match of a lifetime, sending him on a downward spiral into Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Purely for my own viewing pleasure.

Famous Quote: Oh, BALLS.

Only a Hobo

2009-02-03T21:43:00.001-05:00

Athlete Name: Sean Gardner.

Nickname: Only A Hobo.
Age: 27

Birthplace: Somewhere outside of Boston.

Began playing bocce when: Sperm.

Training regiment: With beer.

What got you into the sport: Failure at every other "organized sport."

Where do you find the inspiration: Mockery. Shame. Also, fear.

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: Crying/Douches.

What do you look for in a set of balls: Caked in a thin layer of dust.

What is your overall bocce philosophy: It could have been worse.

Greatest Bocce Moment: I once challenged Rod himself to a game. We toasted a round of Pimms' Cups and rolled our smooth balls 'neath the Sphinx. Between games, he serenaded me with a stirring rendition of "You Put Something Better Inside Me" (it made me feel weird).

Famous Quote: "Define inappropriate."

Rod Likes a Full Squad

2009-02-02T19:32:00.000-05:00

For the first time in ages, attendance was not a worry. And Rod kicked much ass. Against Boccismo, Rod felt good.

7-2
7-3

Big Bam Boom! Oh wait, that isn't Rod.

Season Record: 1-1

Check back for updates on our newest team members in the next couple of days.

A Sad Month in Rod Land

2009-01-27T21:05:00.003-05:00

It's been a long time since I've written. A lot has happened.

1. Yes, we lost to Veni Vidi Bocce in the Final 8 of the fall playoffs. We won Game 1 and then blew a 6-2, Game 2 lead to go meekly in Game 3. Ugh. Final record: 4-7

2. YouTube banned my last movie featuring a great Rod song. It can currently be seen without sound. I've tried to upload it to SHR's server but have been running into problems with it. I smell a conspiracy.

3. We've moved to Saturdays. Too many babies and homework assignments have led us to this road. Although Saturdays now look to be a problem for too many hangovers.

4. We've added two new team members, Rebecca and Sean. More on the new Rods to follow.

In our first match of the new season against Kiss My Pallino, we got spanked. It was ugly. 7-2, 7-3. We were a bare bones operation (see last sentence of #3) and it showed. Things can only get better from here.

Rod feels small.

We Lost and Then Our Sport Was Insulted

2008-12-15T21:06:00.000-05:00

Rod lost a nailbiter to Veni Vidi Bocce in the Round of 8. More on that later.

Then we went to Pick and Climb '08 where the King of the Festivities ripped into our grand game.

Giving Rod a Bad Name

2008-12-10T22:11:00.001-05:00

Booooo!!!!!

Here Comes Rod

2008-12-09T20:30:00.013-05:00

Despite an abysmal regular season, here comes Rod roaring into the playoffs.

In the Round of 32, we lost to Boccismo in Game 1 but then came back to win the second and third games.

In the Round of 16, we dispatched of Do These Droids Speak Bocce in quick fashion - 2 quick frames. They had had a long layoff between their games and Rod knows better than anyone how long layoffs can really mess with one's rhythm.

This Sunday - the final 8.

First up: Veni Vidi Bocce

The Movie with sound. Well, not yet. Still having problems getting it to work.

Or the blocked YouTube version. I can't believe Rod would block his namesake bocce team.

A Doubleheader Disaster

2008-11-20T19:49:00.001-05:00

Holy moly, we are terrible. Absolutely terrible. Truly truly terrible. I can't even figure out what to write here. I don't even remember the exact scores of this awful night.

Let me try.

Match 1 against Watch Your Balls was terrible. We lost both frames and we weren't even close.

Match 2 against Gowanus Iguanas was terrible. We won the first game after falling behind 4-0. Then we lost the second game 7-6. In game 3, it was short and not to sweet. But at least Sweet Touch made sure we went out in a stinking flame of glory. I wish that I had footage of it.

The situation was this:
We were down 3-0 already. They had one point. Erik decided to do something great or fail in spectacular fashion. Either outcome would be memorable. I think you know where this is going. He turned their one point into a four spot, game over. 7-0 Iguanas.

So we fell to an abysmal 2-6. We have one more shot to get to the vaunted three win level next Monday.

Our game is against the JTBP crew who as of this coming Monday were 0-7. This past week's results have still not been posted on the Floyd website so I'm not sure what their current record is. If they are 0-8, it would be wonderful to give them their only win. The only other time we played them last season, they beat us.

I hate bocce.

Just for kicks, I copied this post into a poem generator to see what I got since my words aren't enough to fully encapsulate the sorrow that it is to be Rod this week. I kind of like it.

FACELESS, DEAD FLOWERS LOUDLY PUSH A COLD, FAST WORKER.
DAMN, DEATH!
OH, FAITH!

Season Record: 2-6

We Were as Bad as Rod's Haircut

2008-11-11T19:10:00.000-05:00

And all of a sudden, Team Rod is an ugly 2-4. Yikes.

If You Want My Bocce vs. Bourbon Balls

It was the first time we had played them since summer 2007. In previous matches, we had put together a nice 2-0 record the balls of Bourbon.

Game 1
We borrowed Cap'n Terror because Jim was running late from class and we needed a fourth. Jim showed up right before Cap'n Terror rolled but Cap'n Sweet Touch decided to go with the Terror.

It was close at first but then we turned a 3-spot to our advantage into a 1 point Bourbon Balls frame and to be honest, the night was all downhill from there.

We lost 7-2, 7-2. Yup, Rod got a beatdown.

We'll try to rebound with a big doubleheader this coming Monday.

Up Then Down

2008-11-09T20:51:00.000-05:00

Three weeks ago, we beat the Coffee Flats Terrors for the 8th straight time.

Two weeks ago, we blew a 5-0 lead to Da Bears and lost a heartbreaker.

Monday night, we look to even our record.

CFT
Game 1
7-0 Terrors
7-4 Rod
7-4 Rod

Da Bears
7-2 Rod
7-4 Da Bears
7-5 Da Bears

Season Record
2-3

We Just Can't Beat the Sweet Meats When I'm Playing

2008-10-13T20:53:00.001-04:00

After going 0-6 against the Sweet Meats with me in attendance, Rod was riding high on a 1 game winning streak against the Meats without me in attendance.

I was there last Monday night. The result? An obvious one. I was terrible - perhaps my worst game ever.

The Movie: Watch it if for nothing else - SHR's and Jim's great shots when we were down to our last ball.

Game 1
7-4 Meats

Game 2
7-4 Meats

Season Record: 1-2

A Two Hour Game Edited to a Crisp 1 Minute and 22 Seconds

2008-10-05T17:32:00.001-04:00

In this movie, Erik drops a possible big news development.

Too bad we lost.

Season record: 1-1

Rod vs. New Kids on the Bocc Haiku

2008-09-15T22:27:00.002-04:00

There were four of us
We began with a four spot
Ended with one too

7-4
7-2
Rod!

Season Record: 1-0

Rod Stuart May Love the Hamptons but Lady Luck Doesn't Love Team Rod Stewart

2008-09-04T22:30:00.000-04:00

We took down Da Bears in two frames both by scores of 7-0. What? Wow!

We waltzed into the Final 4 for the second straight season. But for the second straight season, that is where the dream ended. We ran into the buzzsaw of some miraculous rolling by the one they call The Fixer and we succumbed to a heartbreaking loss in three games.

Game 1
We fell behind 5-1 and then roared back to win 7-5.
Game 2
We got spanked 5-0
Game 3
We had 5-0 and 6-3 leads but couldn't close it out and fell 7-6.

The Movie:

Season Record: A not so stellar 4-5.

Read Joanie's take on the proceedings.

Bocce Brunch Goes Down Hard

2008-08-19T00:57:00.004-04:00

Team Rod got its revenge for its ignominious defeat to Bocce Brunch in last season's Final Four. We took them out in the first round of the summer playoffs.

Last time we played them, I was villain number one for taking movies of them because one guy thought I was going to take flash photography as he was rolling.

As the match came to a close my nemesis mockingly asked if I wanted him to take my picture for me which elicited hearty guffaws from his teammates. I decided to not say anything and let my roll do the talking. Unfortunately, I just missed putting them out of their misery. No matter, we won the next frame.

I may not be the coolest guy in the world as Bocce Brunch pointed out but should a team that calls itself Bocce Brunch really be casting any stones or pallinos for that matter?

Game 1
Jim and me
SHR and Mitch
7-4 Rod

Game 2
Jim and me
Erik and Mitch
7-2 Rod

We've now won two matches in a row and hope to continue our late season momentum into this Sunday's Elite 8.

The Movie

Season Record: 3-4

holy shit, we finally beat the sweet meats!

2008-08-05T16:20:00.000-04:00

Well, I think the title says it all. As of 7:30PM yesterday, we had played six matches against the Sweet Meats (or their summer incarnation, Jimbo's Sweet Meat All-Stars) and had lost every single time. Our losses were often heart wrenching and jaw-droppingly spectacular. We've come back from 0-6 deficits only to lose 6-7. We've blown 6-0 leads in every sort of way imaginable. The Sweet Meats were our daddys and to be honest, if we had to pick anyone to be our daddys, it would be them because they have good sportsmanship and good merch and are fun to play against.

As has been the case for many of our matches this underachieving season, we were not at full strength. Hot Legs was in Maryland (hence the lo-fi post), Handbags and Gladrags was eating french fries on the beach and Rodberto was...I have no idea where he was. Downtown Train was a maybe so when he showed up, I think our our spirits were lifted.

After game one, the score looked like this!
The Balltrap and Downtown Train started on the Ms. Pac-Man side, while Sweet Touch and I took the other. ST and I had some key momentum shifts with our 3rd and 4th rolls, and our side wound up scoring all 7 points. The SMs were unable to capitalize in situations where we were done rolling and they had multiple balls left. However, it was foolish to get overly excited because we had beaten the SMs in game ones before only to shrivel up and die in the next two games.

For game two, Love Touch swapped in for Sweet Touch but everything else stayed the same. Jim and Mitch immediately turned things around with a two spot to start off the game. I can't really remember much of that happened next, but I think the ladies of Rod scored a point and then J & M scored some more. At some point, LoR gave up a point to the Meats. Heading into what would be the final frame, the score was 6 points Rod, 1 point Meats. The Meats controlled the pally and got close with their first roll. But then Jim had the roll heard around Floyd. With our first roll, he pinned both balls against the pallino, but the Meats' red ball had an extra rotation in it and rolled away to create this scenario:

The Meats were unable to get closer or knock our ball away with any of their remaining three shots. So that meant:
A little before 8:30, we were finally winners! We ended our 2-4 regular season on a high note even Mimi would be proud of. We did it guys!

Sweet Touch texts Hot Legs with the good news.

Game 1
Jim and Mitch
Sujan and Erik
7-5 Rod

Game 2
Jim and Mitch
Sujan and Beth
7-1 Rod

Rod Suffers Defeat Again

2008-08-03T22:31:00.000-04:00

Yikes, we suck. After losing three in a row, we had to face Boccelism a couple of weeks ago. That's no fun, y'all. No fun. They beat us but we did have a few minutes of fun.

Game 1
Jim and Beth
Erik and me
7-0 Boccelism

Game 2
Jim and SHR
Roberto and me
7-0 Rod

Game 3
SHR and Beth
Roberto and Erik
7-3 Boccelism even though we started with a nice 2-0 lead.

We have the Sweet Meats on the docket next and we hope to get one in the win column before going on our championship run in the playoffs. We still have never beaten those Sweet Meats though. I hope that my absence will be a good luck charm.

Earlier in the season, Turkey Terror sent me a link to this amazing picture.

Last week, Jim stumbled upon a Facebook page for a DC based squad named Boccelism. And just like their Brooklyn namesakes, they are too cool for team T-shirts.
Team DC Boccelism had a match on the DC mall earlier this afternoon. Having already done that and knowing how much fun it is, I was tempted to crash their game. Oh well, maybe next time.

The Movie
Season Record: 1-4

Apparently We Lost Yet Once Again

2008-07-15T16:53:00.000-04:00

This time I was there to witness the atrocity against Legends of the Ball.

The game started late because the two members of Legends of the Ball showed up a bit late. They then recruited two members from that team with the many letters in their name who gave us our first defeat of the season.

Again, we were shorthanded. This time, it was SHR, Sweet Touch, Beth, and me.

We got trounced in Game 1 by a score of 7-0. Then we won Game 2 by the same score.

We went down 6-0 in Game 3. Sweet Touch made a miraculous shot to stave off defeat and give us our first point. We slowly made a comeback and got to within 6-4 before Beth and I gave up the final point.

The Movie: Mercifully Quite Short

Season Record: 1-3 And we still have Boccelism and The Sweet Meats ahead of us. Ugly.

Apparently We Lost

2008-07-14T15:41:00.004-04:00

Sweet Touch, Turkey Terror, and I were too busy playing prison bocce to notice though.

We fell in three games to Da Bears. We were a skeleton crew of Jim, SHR, Dave, and Beth.

While in Marfa, Texas a few days later, SHR stumbled onto this store that only sold a few CD's. But it was an excellent collection.

Season Record: 1-2

If You Want My Bocce Vs. ?

2008-06-25T22:24:00.001-04:00

Blah! I'm too annoyed to even begin to try to decipher the name of the team that we lost to.

The court continues to be a disaster but we have to put that behind us. We are all playing on the same court. We started off well and then fell apart. They made some clutch shots when it mattered, they got some really lucky rolls, and we just couldn't get it done.

Game 1
Beth and me
Mitch and Jim
7-2 Rod

Game 2
Roberto and SHR
Mitch and Erik
7-3 Them

Game 3
Beth and me
Jim and Erik
7-3 Them

No matter, there's always next week.

The most interesting thing on the night occurred during the Terrors' game. Some random dude stepped onto the court and rolled a ball in the middle of a frame. I've never seen that happen before.

The movie:

Season Record: 1-1

For those out there in Rod Land who feel sad about this loss, maybe this will cheer you up. Thank you Balltrap for finding this gem for us.

A Friendly Game of Bocce

2008-06-22T21:37:00.002-04:00

The summer season commenced last Monday. There are some changes in store for us this season well at least one big one as we welcomed new teammate Roberto to the fold. Some things remained the same though and Team Rod ran its winning streak against the Coffee Flats Terrors to a wonderful seven games.

Game 1
Beth and me
SHR and Mitch
CFT 7-5
We fell behind, came back, then lost.

Game 2
Roberto and me
Jim and Erik
Rod 7-1

Game 3
Roberto and SHR
Jim and Erik
7-3 Rod

The court was the worst I've ever seen at Floyd. They really need to fix that shit.

The movie:

Season Record: 1-0

Sweet Touch

2008-05-19T22:37:00.002-04:00

Athlete Name: Erik Courson

Nickname: Sweet Touch
Age: 19

Birthplace: Naples

Began playing bocce when: 3

Training regiment: Thrice weekly

What got you into the sport: My abusive great uncle

Where do you find the inspiration: From within

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: Smooth rolls/drunkards

What do you look for in a set of balls: Pleasure

What is your overall bocce philosophy: Good luck, sucker

Greatest Bocce Moment: When you have the sweetest touch, they’re all great

Famous Quote: Often imitated, never duplicated

Close But Not Close Enough

2008-05-18T20:58:00.001-04:00

The final weekend saw Rod easily win Match 1. But then we had a long long wait for Match 2 and we just didn't bring our A game, our B game, or even our C game.

I still can't believe we lost to a team named Bocce Brunch. Ugh.

Anyhoo, we finished with a 7-3 season record and made it to the Final 4 for the third time.

By the way, Jim was the Hot Rod in Match 1.

Enjoy the movie. Cobra Kai will since there is footage of their championship winning roll at the end of it. Congratulations Kai. You are the champions and you still have the best bocce blog out there.

Welcome to the Terrordome

2008-04-21T21:21:00.001-04:00

What the? How could we really have beaten the Coffee Flats Terrors six times in a row? Six times! Gone are the days where the Terrors saunter in blasting Public Enemy on their boombox. Six times. This streak has to end at some point but I hope to at least carry it into its second presidential administration.

So how did we do it?

Let's see --

Game 1
We were decent. But they were awesome. It was tied at 2 before they destroyed us.

SHR and Mitch
Beth and me
7-3 Terrors

Game 2
We cruised.

Erik and Jim
Dave and me
7-1 Rod

Game 3
We took a 4-0 lead in the first frame. The Terrors hit the back wall twice.
But then they came roaring back with a four-spot of their own to take a 5-4 lead.

In the final frame, we put it close to the pallino with our second roll. The Terrors expended the rest of their energy (and balls) trying to knock ours out to no avail.

And then Dave rolled the shot of the match - he knocked out the Terrors' closest ball to give us two points. I finished it off and Rod marched into the Final 8.

Erik and Jim
Dave and me

The Movie

Season Record: 6-2
Hot Rods: Erik, Jim, Dave, and me

Thank you Marc for sending me the scary photo featured above.

Team Rod Is Ready for the Playoffs

2008-03-30T21:40:00.003-04:00

Every single season, we seemingly finish early and then have 4-6 weeks to sit around and wait for the playoffs.

This year was no different.

A number of weeks ago, If You Want My Bocce finished its season with a doubleheader against Schwetty Balls and The Mamalukes. We won both.

Match 1 vs. The Schwetty Balls
7-1
7-6
Rod

Match 2 vs. the Mamalukes
7-5
7-5
Rod

The Movie

Season Record: 5-2

Hot Rod: Beth in match 1, Dave in match 2.

Next up - the playoffs.

A Big Victory for Rod

2008-03-10T00:13:00.003-04:00

Team Rod was on a losing streak when it suited up to take on vaunted rivals, The Coffee Flats Terrors last Monday night.

The Terrors entered the game with a stellar 3-0 record while Rod limped in mired in 2-2 mediocrity.

Game 1
SHR and Mitch
Jim and me

The Terrors let us know who was boss in Game 1. Despite solid rolls on our parts, the Terrors cruised to a 7-2 drubbing. Ezra and Marc could do no wrong.

Some of the Terrors started playing Ms. Pac Man, confident that victory would be theirs and their four game losing streak against Team Rod would finally be over.

Game 2
SHR and Mitch
Erik and Dani

SHR continued her stellar rolls but Sweet Touch was the star. He absolutely dominated. We fell behind 3-2 before turning it on and winning 7-3.

Game 3
SHR and Beth
Erik and Dani

The Terrors could not touch us. They rolled decently enough but all four of the Rods rolled splendidly.
7-1 Rod!

We beat the Terrors for the fifth straight time! For those keeping track, the last time Rod was terrorized by the bitter coffee taste of defeat to the Terrors was two long years ago.

Jamie wrote on the Terrors blog, "i think our losing streak to the Rodders has reached 5 consecutive matches including at least 2 in which we won the 1st game only to succumb in the end."

Actually, a little research shows that of the first four matches of the Rod winning streak, the Terrors had not won the first game ever. This match was the first time. Not that that is here or there. But Rod likes getting things right. You don't chart with 62 hit singles if you don't get a lot of things right, you know.

Hot Rod Award: SHR even though both of us agree that it should have gone to Sweet Touch.

The Movie:

By the way, I'm sorry that I didn't get any good footage of Dani's excellent rolls. For the most part, I was only taking movies of my teammates' second roll of each frame. Dani's amazing first rolls of each frame thus went undocumented but I'd like to point out that she is Rod's favorite to get things started right. Her stellar first rolls on this night set up Erik's later dominance.

Season Record: 3-2

The Sweet Meats Are Rod's Daddy

2008-03-02T21:34:00.002-05:00

There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. They own us. We are now 0-6 against them. 0-6!

We took a 6-2 lead in Game 1 to end up losing 7-6. In Game 2, we fell behind 6-1 before coming back to win 7-6. Game 3 sucked.

Game 1
Sausage fest: Just like Rod likes it sometimes.
Mitch and me
Erik and Jim
7-6 Meats

Game 2
SHR and Dani
Beth and Jim
7-6
Rod

Game 3
Couples Skate:
Erik and Dani
SHR and me
7-2 Meats

Season Record: 2-2

The Movie

All Good Things Come to an End

2008-02-19T20:31:00.001-05:00

After vanquishing two of our rivals in the first two games of this season, Team Rod was riding high against the fellas of Boccelism or Lism as they prefer to be called. We were not only riding a two game winning streak on this young season but a two game winning streak against the four-time champions of Boccelism.

It wasn't meant to be last Monday night though.

We just couldn't put anything together. We had some good rolls, we had some bad rolls. We had some good dance moves, we had some bad luck. Oh well, that's the way the gold record shatters sometimes.

For the record:
Game 1
Beth and me
Mitch and SHR

They took a 3-0 lead before we came roaring back to take a 4-3 lead. But then everything went bad.
7-4 Boccelism

Game 2
Jim and Erik
Mitch and Dani

They took a 5-2 lead but again we edged closer. We didn't take a lead though but we did get as close as 5-4. But then just like in the first game, things went sour at the end.
7-4 Boccelism

So far this season, we have beaten the two teams that we hadn't beaten yet (going 0-2 against both ODB and Watch Your Balls in previous seasons) and lost to the team that we had beaten twice in a row.

I'm not sure what this trend means for a team we haven't beaten in five previous tries. But The Sweet Meats have a week to figure it out. Rod prefers it medium raw if you catch my drift.

Season Record: 2-1

The Movie: Complete With Sound Effects!

Rod: Avenger of All Losses

2008-02-10T20:52:00.000-05:00

After beating ODB last week for the first time, we faced off against another team that we were 0-2 against, Watch Your Balls.

In fact, not only were we 0-2 against them but we hadn't even won a game against them. But those two losses came at odd times in Rod's checkered past. One was immediately following the haze of a heartbreaking Sweet Meats defeat last spring as part of a doubleheader. And the other was last fall. That loss dropped us to 0-3 and much drama immediately followed.

But Rod is in a different place mentally these days and likens last fall to the dissolution of his marriage to Rachel Hunter. And now look how happy Rod is!

But when we went down by 4 after the first frame, things looked a bit dicey. But Rod ain't afraid of no balls. Mitch and I began the comeback by notching our first point. Dani and Beth added a point and then Mitch and I added two more. All of a sudden it was tied at 4.

Down 5-4, Mitch and I added two more. Dani put the hammer down in the next frame and we took a satisfying 7-5 victory.

Game 2
Mitch and SHR put up three quick points before Watch Your Balls answered with three of their own. Then Rod was down 4-3 before we even knew what hit us. No matter.

Jim and Erik tied it at 4. And then Mitch went to town. His first roll of the frame was so brilliant that it forced Watch Your Balls to expend all of their pent up energy into four missed opportunities. SHR and Mitch finished them off and that was all she wrote.

Game 1
Dani and Beth
Mitch and me
7-5 Rod

Game 2
Jim and Erik
Mitch and SHR
7-4 Rod

On the night, Mitch's side won by a score of 11-1. Nice! Yet somehow I scored the Hot Rod belt. I'll take the charity knowing that the real winner on this night was Rod.

Season Record: 2-0

The Movie

If You Want My Bocce: Back in Business

2008-01-23T22:22:00.000-05:00

This is a season of redemption. This is a season to welcome back old friends. This is an era of good feelings.

This is If You Want My Bocce 2008!

For our first game of the season we had a tough assignment - the Old Dirty Barristers, the reigning champions.

This was the third time we had started a season against them. We lost to them to begin Fall '07 as well as Summer '06. Would Spring '08 be any different?

At first, it didn't seem likely.

We quickly were down 5-0.

But then Team Rod started to come back.

Jim and Dani started it with two points with some nice rolling.

Down 5-2, Sweet Touch started things off well with an excellent first roll. ODB took four rolls to get closer. But closer they got. Right on the damn pallino.

No matter, Beth knows that Rod likes it nice and hard so that is what she did. With a precision shot, she knocked out ODB's ball to give us two points. It was an unbelievable shot.

Jim and Dani gave us another point to tie it and we were on our way to victory!

Down 6-5, Dani pinned them deep with an amazing roll. Tied at 6 in the same frame, Jim put them away with a lovely shot deep.

In Game 2, we fell behind 4-2. No matter, SHR, Dave, Mitch, and I had a plan for victory. We chipped away. Soon it was 4-3. Then it was 5-4 us. Then 6-4.

Mitch and I had the opportunity to put the hammer down. Unfortunately, we didn't quite do that. No matter. ODB helped us out. With a chance to win, not only could they not add to their point with any of their remaining balls, they knocked theirs out with their last ball to give Rod the win. As we all know - some guys have all the luck.

Team Rod!

Hooray for everybody! I can't wait for our next game - maybe Floyd will actually turn on the heat so our Rod hands aren't so darn cold.

Check out the video. Not my best work considering I missed Beth's amazing Game 1 shot as well as the last shot of the match. Oh well. There's some Ms. Pac Man footage instead.

And while you're at it, this Rod approved jam is dedicated to our returning members, Beth and Jim. Welcome back.

Rod: Vision of the Future

2008-01-14T21:06:00.000-05:00

Mitch e-mailed me this artwork right after the completion of the fall season.

He wrote, "This photo was on the computer I'm using at work. Strange coincidence or vision of the future?"
Jeremy of the Sweet Meats also left this photo as a link in the comments section of the last post.

Should we buy some prints?

Dave also sent this Faces video around recently to his fellow Team Rodsters.

The new season is almost upon us. Prepare to be amazed fellow teams at Floyd! We're back and hungry to avenge our tumultuous last season. Sing it Rod!

Over Already?

2007-12-02T21:07:00.000-05:00

And we had been playing so well of late! But that is the nature of this lovely but often cruel game of bocce.

The day started off on a promising note. We held off the strong bashing skills of Balls Deep and won 7-5. We all rolled well. I was the weak link and I wasn't half bad. SHR placed every ball exactly where she wanted. Dani was very good throughout and Mitch dominated after the first frame.

Too bad the fun times didn't continue into the second game. A 7-1 spanking wasn't fun. But we weren't rolling that poorly. Balls Deep rolled really well. It seemed like every single time they needed to knock one of our balls out, they did.

Game 2 lineup
Erik and Mitch
SHR and Dani

Game 3
I replaced Dani. We took a quick 3-0 lead. And then the problems began.

Balls Deep were out of balls but they had the point. We had two balls left. If we could knock their closest ball out, we could get four points and win. However, there was plenty of space left to put up a two-spot and give Rod a commanding 5-0 lead. In our last game of the regular season, Erik faced a somewhat (but it was Game 2, not 3 and we already had the point) similar situation. This is how I described the play that followed from that game:

I especially loved Game 2 when we fell behind 3-0 before tying it 3-3. Then in the next frame, we had one point already scored with one ball left. The Mamalukes had a ball very close to our closest. But our other two balls were pretty close as well. Erik looked at Mitch and me and said, "I'm going to try something crazy here."

And he did. It was crazy good is what it was. Perhaps the best shot I've seen all season. With precision, he knocked the enemy ball clean out while keeping all four of our balls near the pallino. A four-spot! The end. Erik awarded himself the Hot Rod with his lovely last roll.

With visions of that amazing roll, Erik tried it again. This is what happened. Not quite what he had in mind. Oh well, we still had a ball left. Unfortunately, Mitch tried the exact same thing. Again, to no avail. Balls Deep were on the board.

This proved to be an important momentum shift. SHR and I gave up a point. Erik and Mitch gave up another and all of a sudden it was tied at 3.

No matter. I was happy that it was only 3-3. We were very lucky that they hadn't already put us away with our three straight frames of uninspired play. But their penchant for successful bashing had disappeared at just the right moment for us and we still had a chance.

Then we started taking it to them. SHR and I put up a point and then Erik and Mitch added two more points, powered by this Mitch roll.

We felt good with a 6-3 lead. Bring on the final 8! Not so fast there. Rod has had to learn many times not to put a notch in that ol' bedpost before actually bedding the lady or two or three. Speaking of loving each other, Balls Deep were way in love with each other during the match. Lots of PDA, boys with girls, boys with boys, girls with girls, any sort of combo available. Rod wasn't sure if he approved or not even though it seems like something Rod would be into. Rod was conflicted.

Henry found more interesting things about the bocce court than the game itself.
Anyway, back to the action ...

SHR and I tried to put it away but all of a sudden - two bad things began to occur.
1. Balls Deep's stellar rolling came back when they most needed it.
2. Our luck began to run out.

After my first good roll, they placed their ball right near the pallino. SHR and I had three straight rolls all end up in the same rut. Then Balls Deep did the same thing with their next two. I was hoping they would only end up with one point and it seemed that way even after they rolled their final ball. But after measuring, they were a little closer and got two points. Every single measuring moment in this match went against us.

It went back to Mitch and Erik and they had a very similar frame to the one SHR and I just rolled. They expended all of their balls with Balls Deep having three left. Only one more needed to get closer to end our season. It was nerve wracking. This is what happened.

We got lucky again. It came down to the final frame tied at 6.

Balls Deep started with an amazing amazing amazing roll. They put their ball right on the pallino deep deep deep. SHR and I spent our first three rolls trying to dislodge the two.

It came down to the last roll. Even if I got closer somehow, they still had three balls left. But I didn't care about that. I'd worry about it later.

I rolled an excellent shot. It hit their ball, it hit the pallino. For a brief moment, I thought we would live for another roll or two and force their hand.

But it wasn't meant to be. The rollback went their way and that was it.

Ouch. I can't believe we didn't even make it to the final weekend.
Final Record: 3-4
This was our first losing season since the first season - the last time we really had to find ourselves as the season went along. It was also the last season we didn't make it to at least the final 8.
With Dancey Dance On: 0-3
With Rock On: 3-1

This was the first time Team Rod didn't win at least one playoff game. But we were really coming together at the end of the regular season so we're not going to let one loss deter us. We'll be back in 2008, fighting trim, and ready to show off any new scarves and such that we happen to accrue over the holidays.

Rods Evens It Out

2007-11-11T21:56:00.000-05:00

That's right, ladies and gentlemen. If You Want My Bocce has evened its autumnal ledger at 3's.

Erik, Dani, Mitch, and I all rolled well and it showed in the results.

I especially loved Game 2 when we fell behind 3-0 before tying it 3-3. Then in the next frame, we had one point already scored with one ball left. The Mamalukes had a ball very close to our closest. But our other two balls were pretty close as well. Erik looked at Mitch and me and said, "I'm going to try something crazy here."

And he did. It was crazy good is what it was. Perhaps the best shot I've seen all season. With precision, he knocked the enemy ball clean out while keeping all four of our balls near the pallino. A four-spot! The end. Erik awarded himself the Hot Rod with his lovely last roll.

We started this season with an unbelievable amount of strife, tension, and anxiety. Now we are cruising. Unfortunately, we don't play again until December. Oh well, Rod will be ready. He's always ready.

Season Record With Rock On: 3-0
Season Record With Dancey Dance On: 0-3

Team Rod on the March

2007-11-04T19:32:00.000-05:00

Team Rod, riding high after finally winning for the first time this season, took on old rivals Boccelism last Monday night.

We went in at 1-3 and the former four-time champs went in at 1-2. Someone was going to go home sad.

Pre-game conference from the "Lisms."
Game 1
Dave and me
SHR and Erik

SHR and Erik were solid the entire game. Dave and I were a bit spotty though. Of our first two frames, we only had two good rolls between the two of us. But the two good rolls put us in excellent position and we scored a point in each frame. I had a good feeling about the match based on getting two points on the strength of only two good rolls out of eight.

We took a commanding 5-0 lead. But then Boccelism began the comeback. The closest they got was 6-5 before we put the hammer down and won 7-5.

Game 2
Dave and me
Dani and Erik

This one wasn't so good. Boccelism was heartened by their late comeback and took it to us.
7-3 Boccelism

Measuring is easier with the help of a flashlight! Boccelism always come prepared.
Game 3
Mitch and me
SHR and Erik

Boccelism oozed confidence for Game 3. But everyone knows that ooze is one of Rod's favorite words so we weren't afraid.

We all rolled well. With a 5-2 Rod lead, the lads of Boccelism placed their ball closest to the pallino. We had two left though. I was hoping that SHR could knock their ball out and clear the way for Erik to finish them off. But she took matters into her own hands and superbly knocked their ball out while at the same time nudging another one of our balls a bit closer to give us two points! And the victory!

7-2 Rod!

I took a few movies over the course of the night but didn't get the best ones - including the stellar last roll from my honey. Plus I accidentally was taking them in the lowest quality setting. Oops. Rod can't always be on top of his game.

Worth watching anyway though.

SHR won the Hot Rod. Not that the Hot Rod award has made an appearance since September but we can all hope.

Season Record with Rock as the Soundtrack: 2-0
Season Record with Dancey Dance as the Soundtrack: 0-3

We beat Boccelism for the second straight time after losing our first four matches to them. We now have won two in a row (against the champions of the last six seasons!) to get to within sniffing distance of .500.

I was hoping to find an image like this of Rod marching.
Instead, this was the best I could do.
Also, congratulations to Cobra Kai for representing well by taking the first ever Bud Bocce Cup at Union Hall yesterday. Job well done.

May the Worst Team Win

2007-10-24T22:43:00.000-04:00

That is what I said to the Coffee Flats Terrors before our match on Monday night.

We had stumbled to a pathetic 0-3 record this season. We had lost team members as the season progressed. And we had lost sight of the most important thing - listening to rock music while playing bocce is much more preferable to listening to techno while playing bocce.

There wasn't anything we could do about any of these things. Other than hope for the best against the defending champions, wish our former teammates well in their future endeavors, and hope against hope that honest to goodness rock & roll would be played on this night.

Game 1
Erik and Dani
Mitch and me

I was the weak link while everyone else was hot and we cruised to a satisfying 7-2 victory. We've blown 6-0 leads this season so I wasn't convinced we were going to actually win until the final point was scored.

Game 2
Erik and Dani
Mitch and Dave

Mitch and Dave were on fire! They put up a four-spot to start us off and then we bled the Terrors to death by scoring one point at a time prolonging their misery like a cat would torture a mouse or a Rod would torture a young blonde plaything in a much different manner if you catch my Rod innuendo and I'm sure that you do.
7-0 Rod!

Could this be the turning point? Maybe. Maybe not. But we continue to prove that for whatever reason and whatever personnel we throw out there, new Rodsters or old, we are a force to be reckoned with, at least, when we play the Terrors. We are their Sweet Meats (we are 0-5 against them) and we raised our record against the Terrors to an imposing 4-0 in our last four matches dating back to Summer '06.

The Video

Celebration Time!
Erik forgot to bring the Hot Rod award to the game. It hasn't mattered until this week because the Hot Rod award is only given to the MVP of the game if and only if we win. This week, the award would have been given to Dani for her stellar play. To be honest, everyone except me was a solid contender for the award.

No worries though because yesterday, Hot Tub Eric in Memphis e-mailed me this gem of a picture with the subject heading Hot Rod.
This is much much hotter than a belt buckle, don't you think?

Everyone has their rituals I suppose. Apparently, the Terrors have one for when they get shutout. I'm not quite sure what to make of this but I think Rod would be strangely excited by it.
Season Record With Rock On: 1-0
Season Record With Dancey Dance On: 0-3

Can't Anybody Here Play This Game?

2007-10-16T16:13:00.000-04:00

If You Want My Bocce squared off against Watch Your Balls this past Monday. I wish that we hadn't.

We fell to an ignoble 0-3 on the season. What the fuck? We are just terrible, terrible, terrible. All 6 of us were terrible on Monday night.

Five of the six members of the squad kept swinging for the fences all night to do something great. Instead, there were a lot of whiffs. Yes, there were a couple of nice doubles which were immediately followed by more strikeouts and more weak groundballs. Beth was the only member of the team to not hit the back wall at least once.

Watch Your Balls played well so no disrespect there at all. But we were abysmal. It was embarrassing how bad we were. We never forced them to make bad shots because we kept rolling hideous ones.

Game 1
Erik and Mitch
Beth and Dave
7-3 Watch Your Balls

2 of our points were scored because they gave them to us with an errant roll.

Game 2
Dani and Mitch
Dave and me
7-2 Watch Your Balls

At this point, we have to look deep within our hearts and see what we are truly made of. That is the beauty of sport.

"These are desperate times. We have to play like a desperate team. Maybe we can get lucky and get some help."

"This team has shown itself to be resilient. We needed wins the past two games and didn't get them. We need a win tomorrow."

The first quote is from Todd Helton. The second quote is from Clint Hurdle. Both were made after the Rockies lost their third in a row in mid September and were on the verge of having their season getting away from them. Since these quotes were uttered, the team has won 21 out of 22 and are headed to the World Series.

"We all feel terrible for ourselves as a team right now that we can't really close the deal. But we still have time. We're not giving in."

"It (the losses) will only make the champagne taste sweeter."

"We need to go out there and finish strong and dig down deep and really do some soul-searching because we're going to have to finish with a flurry."

The first two statements were uttered by Willie Randolph. The last one by David Wright. All there were made during the Mets disastrous last week of the season.

So what will it be? Will we be the Rockies or Mets? Can we right the ship? Or we will go down in an embarrassing blaze of defeats?

Statistically speaking, we are the worst team in the league right now. Our next match is against the best team in the league, our vaunted rivals, The Coffee Flats Terrors who will be out for my blood and the blood of the traitors in our midst.

But as Mitch pointed out, the Devil Rays seem to always beat the Yankees.

There is still plenty of season left to make Rod proud. Because right now, he's in hiding.

Urban Bocce, A Found Shirt, and Juggling

2007-10-09T18:14:00.000-04:00

It has been a slow few weeks in Rod Land. Still reeling from our 0-2 start, we've been biding our time until our next match. We were supposed to play last week but the Notorious BRF have left the league having not even rolled one ball in anger all season. Oh well.

In the meantime, bocce fun still has been happening.

First, there was Urban Bocce '07!

Secondly, an odd Boccelism occurrence happened to SHR and me.

A couple of seasons ago, I proudly wore this shirt during yet another Boccelism march to the championship. If you notice, the shirt is way too big on me. Anyway, I appreciated the gift from Cobra Kai but the shirt was so damn big that I ended up not keeping it.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. SHR says to me as she is going through her laundry bag, "I didn't realize you still wore your 'Stop Boccelism' shirt. The laundromat put it in my bag." I was quite perplexed because I remember throwing out the shirt a number of months ago.

It only took me a moment to realize that this wasn't my shirt and that somehow our laundromat had given me someone else's "Stop Boccelism" shirt. How incredibly strange is that? What are the chances of this happening? Does my laundromat know I play bocce from washing my If You Want My Bocce shirt and got mixed up and gave me this shirt? Very very odd.

A few days later, SHR thinks she saw a Cobra Kai member in our neighborhood. The pieces are falling into place.

Notice how small the shirt is compared to my other one. If you are missing this shirt, don't fret any longer. Just let me know and I'll return it.
And finally, who knew that Mitch could juggle? Let alone juggle bocce balls? Check it out.

My team is going stir crazy. We need to get back on the court soon for something other than practice.

We Just Can't Beat the Sweet Meats, Part V

2007-09-27T19:47:00.000-04:00

The less said the better. Game 1, we had a 6-0 lead and blew it.

Game 2, we sucked.

Game 1
Dani and Mitch
Erik and SHR
7-6 Meats

Game 2
Dani and Beth
Erik and me
7-3 Meats

The Hot Rod belt remains homeless two games into the season.

I've always liked the Sweet Meats but now that they've added some Phillies phans to the mix, I'm not as into this team. Yes, their theme song is still a reworked version of Meet the Mets but that might not be enough for me.

Not only do I have to put up with the Mets blowing their lead a little more each day to the Phillies but now I also have to put up with Phillies braggards badmouthing David Wright right behind me as I'm rolling?

All I have to say in the David Wright for MVP debate is this: David Wright might not be the best player in the league. But he never ever has ruined a frame of bocce by kicking the balls away with three balls left to play in the manner that the Jimmy Rollins touting Phillies fan did during this match. No, that would be more of a Jose Reyes move.

The only solace I can take in this loss is that we went from being absolutely terrible in the first match (except for Mitch) to an overall level of mediocre play in this one.

Season Record: 0-2

A movie of Dani's first roll as Rod.

Things Can Only Go Up From Here

2007-09-20T09:44:00.000-04:00

After the controversy comes the games.

Unfortunately, Monday night's game didn't treat us so well.

Game 1
Beth and Erik (check out the Rod belt! in the picture and the movie of his first Rod roll.)
SHR and Mitch

Um, we sucked.
7-1 ODB

Game 2
Beth and Erik
Mitch and me

Much better. Much much better. Mitch kicked much ass.
7-0 Rod

Game 3
I was planning on putting SHR back in for the third game. But she liked what she saw in the Game 2 squad so she told me not to put her back in and we stayed the course.

I had a nice roll to start the game going deep. ODB couldn't get closer and spent all 4 balls. Mitch rolled the second and third balls and we took a quick 3-0 lead. Mitch remained on fire! I got way too conservative and didn't get us an opening four-spot.

When it got back to Mitch and me, Rod still had a 3-2 lead. Mitch blew us all away again with an incredible roll right on the pallino. With their three remaining rolls, ODB couldn't do anything. My first roll was not good but my second got us a point. Mitch finished the frame with one more nice roll to give us a three-spot and a 6-2 lead. Still, I kicked myself for not getting us a four-spot.

Then ODB scored three more points on the strength of a really nice last roll and all of a sudden things were scary. Still we still held a 6-5 lead.

Unfortunately, my not so good play continued while at the same time, Mitch's dominant play came to a conclusion.

ODB led off by going midrange and putting their first ball close to the pallino. Not that close but pretty close. Mitch started off and split the uprights! Right between the two balls, right to the back wall. I tried to knock the ODB ball myself which was a bad play on my end. I, too, hit the back wall. What was I thinking? Why was I so aggressive? When the play called to be aggressive earlier, I was too conservative. And now that I needed to be conservative and just get us close, I fucked up royally. Rod, I'm sorry for letting you down. Because I did.

My next roll was better but not close enough. Mitch had the last roll and again, he couldn't get closer. This left ODB in the enviable position of having three rolls to get one more point and take us down. They only needed one. Ouch.

7-6 ODB

This was a tough, tough loss. One of the most disappointing regular season losses I can think of in recent memory. But it's all good. We're getting to know each other as a team. We've got plenty of time to get better. The fact that we were as close as we were with pretty much only one good player on the night is encouraging.

But the unforgiving schedule doesn't get easier. We face the Sweet Meats in our next match. We better gel real quick. And we need to remember the Rod philosophy of playing within ourselves and not trying to do crazy ass shit unless the situation dictates. In the season opener, I was the one who forgot our cardinal rule. But I promise to remember real quick. Onwards and upwards, Rod style! Yow!

Season record: 0-1

The Story of How Sweet Touch Joined If You Want My Bocce

2007-09-16T16:51:00.001-04:00

At the conclusion of the 2007 summer season, Rodsters Mike and Sarah decided to take a break from bocce. This opened the door for Sweet Touch. I asked him if he wanted to join our team since it had been discussed earlier back when the Terrors were deciding whether or not to stay on Saturdays or move to Mondays.

The Terrors also were up to 10 members and we only had 6 so the numbers made sense for a switch.

After a few days of contemplation, Erik decided to leave things up to fate and made a pronouncement.

Bob Dylan Loves Rod

2007-09-11T22:16:00.000-04:00

SHR and Bob have something to share.

We Just Can't Beat the Sweet Meats, Part IV

2007-08-23T17:52:00.000-04:00

Match 1: Round of 8
If You Want My Bocce vs. Boccismo

Game 1
SHR and Jim
Beth and me

We got off to a strong start by dominating to the tune of 7-2. We fell behind by an early score of 2-0 but the tide turned in frame 3 when SHR and Jim put up a four-spot with four great rolls. In particular, SHR's 2nd roll was the one that pushed us from 1 point to 3.

Game 2
Sarah and Dave
Mike and Mitch

We took a quick 3-0 lead. And in proud Rod fashion, we had some good 'ol defensive rolling in the fourth frame. Leading 3-1, Boccismo was on the verge of a game changing 3-spot. But Sarah knocked the pallino back a little and they only scored one point. We still had a 3-2 lead.

Boccismo tied the score at 3 before Dave and Sarah added two more and the M & M Boys added one. But then Boccismo caught fire and took a 6-3 lead. But we weren't fazed. Dave and Sarah put up a point to get us to within 2. And then Mike and Mitch finished it off with a beautiful 3 spot.

Final 4 action!

Uh-oh.

Not against the Sweet Meats again! That squad has Rod's number.

Game 1
SHR and Jim
Mike and me

We fell behind 6-0 in ugly fashion. Down 1-0, Mike and I had 4 chances to get a ball closer to the pallino and missed all four. The Sweet Meats capitalized and put up three. Then SHR and Jim gave up two more.

But the game wasn't over just yet.

Mike and I put up a four spot powered by Mike's great first roll.

Down 6-4, Team Rod felt the comeback coming on.

On SHR's 2nd roll, she placed the ball right on the pallino. Woo hoo! On the Sweet Meats second attempt to break it up and the last roll of the frame, they gently nudged the pallino. It was measuring time. After much deliberation, it was deemed that the Meats were closer by mere millimeters. We had one last ball left. It was a very very tough shot and Jim couldn't quite put it in there.
7-4 Meats

Game 2
Beth and Mitch
Sarah and me

No matter because we were pumped for Game 2.

We took a quick 4-0 lead powered by a clutch roll by Beth in the first frame and a good roll by me in the second. In fact, my roll in the second frame was millimeters short of giving us three points rather than just two. This would come back to haunt us.

In the next frame, we went for the kill. On our last roll, Mitch put up two points for us. Unfortunately, they had two left and used them well. They scored two and halved our lead.

In the next frame, Sarah's great last roll was wasted when they had an even better roll and scored another point.

No big deal. Mitch and Beth put up two more on Mitch's clutch last roll.

With a 6-3 lead, I was excited. Surely, we'd put them away and we'd be on to Game 3.

But it wasn't to be.

All four of us shit the bed. No gold records for this year's Rod squad.

In the first frame of our undoing, Sarah started it off well enough. But the Sweet Meats put one of their balls right on the pallino. With my first roll, I tried to knock it to no avail and hit the back wall. Then Sarah didn't do much better. I knew I needed to protect us but my 2nd roll was way too short and not even close. The Meats scored an easy two points. I felt lucky that it wasn't more and that we still had a 6-5 lead.

The second frame of our undoing was awful. The Meats put the pallino in the back. Mitch and Beth spent all four balls not getting close. Mitch rolled the last ball of Rod Summer Season '07 and made the same mistake I made in my last roll of the season - he failed to protect us by putting one of our balls fairly close. They closed us out with the next roll and it was already time to start planning for the fall.

Game 2
7-6 Meats

I'd by lying if I said that I was rooting for the Terrors against the Sweet Meats. I'm competitive and I liked the fact that all of us from that original championship team still had only one trophy. Plus, the Sweet Meats have never won so I wanted to root for them as well.

But like many a Floyd final match, one team simply dominated. The dominant rolls that we saw against us were nowhere to be found against the Terrors. But that's the way it goes. Congratulations to the Coffee Flats Terrors - two time champions.

They might have had an easier road of it than it looked when the seedings were announced - no match against the 5-1 Bourbon Balls, a forfeit, and a Brian-less Boccelism. But that doesn't matter. They came to play and played well. And the way that some of them were rolling in the final three matches, it wouldn't have mattered who they played.

The league has had only two champions over the last 6 seasons. They are clearly the teams to beat. Next season should be interesting.

Not to mention, there are going to be some major changes in Rod Land. But more on that later.

6 important rolls of the day:

Check the Terrors' blog for more.

Summer Season
Final record: 6-3
Regular season: 4-2
Playoffs: 2-1

One Down, Three to Go

2007-08-13T10:42:00.000-04:00

A shorthanded If You Want My Bocce entered the playoffs hoping to avenge a regular season loss to Tchauzinho, one of two teams that handed the Rods a loss this summer. I think we were the only team they even beat!

Game one started with Beth and Dan at the far bathroom side and me and Mitch at the other end. We won the coin flip and opted to begin the match on the far side and with the red balls. We went down 0-1 after the first frame, but then came roaring back as M & I put up a three spot. In the next frame it was the long game, with the pallino squatting right by the wall. DMR rolled a great ball which somehow picked up speed towards the end for a near miss as it threaded the green ball and paulie (Don't get mad at me for typing that. First I typed pally, but I didn't like the way it looked.) to hit the wall. On his next roll though, he pinned the paulie to make a bocce sandwich, but red was just closer! One more point for Rod! M and I put up point in the next frame to bring the score to 5-1. In the next frame, Beth rolled a great knock out shot with either our 3rd or last ball which forced Tchauzinho's hand and resulted in another point for the Rods. I threw the paulie in the next frame and though my first ball was pretty mediocre, the Tchau Tchau's could not get closer and we took the game 7-1.

For game two, Dave swapped in for Dan. Sometime during this game we find out that the Tchau Tchau's are Mets fans, too. Carlos Delgado hits a two run home run in the 8th inning to give the Mets some breathing room in their game vs. the Marlins. Members of both teams are happy, but alas, one team will see their smiles turn upside-down at the end of the match.

The Roddies went down 0-2 in the first frame but then Mitch saves us with a great roll with our last ball in the next frame to get us on the board. The Rods then tie it up in the next frame thanks to precision knockout rolling by Nellie. We then take a lead and I think I did something good cause on the napkin upon which I scribbled my notes, I wrote "4-2 SHR." The Tchauzinho's decide to go deep in the next frame and take two points to tie up the game. However, SUJTCH (or MIJAN, take your pick) continue to be in sync this game. We put up a three spot to take the game and the match. Rod 화이팅!

Game One:
Love Touch & Hot Legs
Downtown Train & Young Turk

Game Two:
Love Touch & Handbags and Gladrags
Downtown Train & Young Turk

Up next are Boccismo who advanced to the round of 8 because neither of their potential opponents decided to show up. What are the retributions for teams that do this? Unless they make an effort to call the bar or let their opponent know they will not be able to make the match, they should be shown the door. The games can go way long as it is (the 1PM match between VVV and the Gowanus Iguanas went an hour and forty-five minutes!). It's selfish and rude to waste other people's time.

Addendum 8/14: It has come to my attention that some people can't see the special message I typed in Korean in the line above GAME ONE. I wrote "Rod Fighting" with fighting spelled out phonetically in Hangul but Jim just told me it looks like "Rod ???!" Boo.

Even the Brooklyn Dodgers Finally Beat the Yankees

2007-08-06T13:31:00.000-04:00

Fresh off our thrilling victory over the Terrors of Coffee Flats, If You Want My Bocce suited up last Monday against the 4 time champions -- Boccelism.

We've played them well in the past (other than the terrible championship match) but went into the game an abysmal 0-4 against them.

But so far this season, the U.S. Steel of bocce have not been dominant. Whether they suffer from winner's fatigue, are confused by the new court, or are merely toying with the rest of the league, who knows? But they entered the game a highly mediocre 2-2. They were ripe for the picking.

But not at first. They took a quick 4-0 lead and things were looking dicey really quickly for Team Rod.

But then ... but then ... The tide turned to all Rod!

Jim and SHR put up a three spot and all of a sudden it was close.

And before they knew what hit them, Mike and Beth finished them off with four big points!

Game 2 was ugly and better not discussed.

Game 3 started in the same similar fashion as the first game - with Boccelism taking it to us. We found ourselves in a 3-0 hole before we even knew what hit us.

And what would a match against Boccelism be without a little controversy? At one point, Mike was measuring and accidentally moved the pallino further away from our ball and closer to theirs. The captain of Boccelism admitted that the pallino moved slightly but one team member who our team already had a run-in with in the past insisted that the pallino never moved. I'm not sure of all the details but it ended up not mattering much. And to be honest, what are the rules if your team is the one who moved the ball by accident? Regardless of when this happened during Game 3, it had no bearing on the outcome of the match because Mike had a great shot to give us a point anyway.

We scored two in the first frame of the comeback and we were on our way again. Mitch and Jim tied it at 3. Mike and I added two more points to give us a 5-3 lead.

And then it came down to Jim and Mitch. Jim led off with a perfect first roll. So perfect that Boccelism missed the next four shots. So we had three balls left to try to beat Boccelism for the first time ever! Mitch missed. Jim missed. But they were only missing to set up the dramatic final shot. In my hysteria, I forgot who rolled the winning shot (even though I knew who was taking it mere seconds before) and had to verify during the celebration who had actually rolled it.

We raised our winning percentage against the champs to a sparkling .200.
Game 1
SHR and Jim
Beth and Mike

Game 2
Mitch and me
Beth and Sarah

Game 3
Mitch and Jim
Mike and me
Mitch texted Dave (Boccelism's number one fan) this message.
It was a great night all around. I even made peace with Bashley of Po-Town.
Final regular season record: 4-2

The celebration continued onto the streets of Brooklyn. This is next year!

An Epic Battle

2007-07-27T11:59:00.000-04:00

Wow. Both Games 1 and 3 went to the final frame tied 6-6. I think that I might have had a heart attack if the second game had been super close as well.

When it came down to the final frame of the night, I felt that it was such a shame that one team had to lose. Thankfully, Team Rod prevailed.

Game 1
Mitch and me
Jim and SHR

The Terrors took 3-0 and 5-2 leads and things looked bleak. But they just couldn't put us away. We took the opening and pounced. We all had some really clutch rolls in this game. They still had a chance to beat us at the end but couldn't do it.
7-6 Rod

Game 2
Beth and Mike
Dave and Sarah

The Terrors busted out with a 4-0 first frame lead and that was pretty much it. We got absolutely destroyed by a score of 7-1. I saw almost all of the game action during the match. However, one of the few that I missed involved a bit of controversy. Apparently, on a Beth roll, Team Rod thought that the ball did not hit the back wall. However, the Terrors called that it did even though at first, one of them said that it didn't. I'm not exactly sure what happened since I missed it but it got kind of loud there for a spell.
7-1 Terrors

Game 3
Mike and me
SHR and Jim

If Game 1 was tense, this one was even tenser because of the high stakes involved. It was back and forth. The Terrors took a 6-5 lead. I ended up placing our red ball right on the pallino. The Terrors had two balls left to knock ours out and win. Kaci almost placed her ball closer but couldn't quite do it. Then Chris knocked that green ball out of the way and we lived for another frame.

We were down to our last ball and the Terrors controlled the point. The pressure was on Jim. And he came through with a great roll. The last roll of the night fell to Dani. She rolled well but couldn't quite do it. Rod Wins! Who's going to update Wikipedia?
Thank you to the Sweet Meats for the many cheers of "Rod! Rod! Rod!"

So if you have the patience, check out these two movies of the night's festivities. They are both about six minutes long. I had no intention of making a movie at first. I was simply taking a few short movies to keep track of the action for blog purposes. Eventually, I decided to just keep taking movies of all the important action. If only I can learn how to take movies and roll at the same time!

Games 1 and 2

Game 3

Next time, I'm just bringing a notebook.

We Just Can't Beat the Sweet Meats!

2007-07-18T00:35:00.000-04:00

It is really kind of sad, ain't it? The two other times that we've played, we destroyed them in the first game only to fall meekly in the next two games.

Before the game, Cap'n Jim (oh yeah apparently the summer team is called the Jimbo's Sweet Meat All-Stars or something) told me that despite our two squads being friendly that they were going to decimate us.

I wasn't afraid though but I suppose I should have been.

Game 1
Mike and Jim
Dave and Sarah

Things didn't start well as we quickly found ourselves in a 3-0 deficit. But then Dave and Sarah quickly tied it and we were on our way. That is until the Meats answered that with a three spot on Mike and Jim to take a 6-3 lead.

However, we weren't done. No way. Dave and Sarah notched another point and we were only down by 2.

Then things got interesting. Jim started the frame with an exquisite first roll. The Sweet Meats spent the next four balls trying to knock Jim's ball out of the way. They did not succeed but did set up a nice wall around the pallino where it resided on the right side.

Victory was within our reach! We had three balls left to get two more points but it was a tricky shot. Mike and then Jim both tried to sneak it in on the left side but couldn't quite do it.

With one shot left, I was hopeful that Mike could get us another point to set Dave and Sarah up to win it. The score would have been 6-5 at the very worst if Mike was not successful.

However, Mike (goaded by the Coffee Flats Terrors in attendance) went for the kill. It was an easy shot he kept saying afterwards. I was blissfully ignorant at the other end of the court about the debate going on before Mike's roll. So when his roll came barreling down the court and smashed into the wall of red, I was caught unawares.

Unfortunately for Rod, a one point green advantage turned into this.

Game 1
7-4 Sweet Meats

Game 2
SHR and Beth
Sarah and me

But we didn't let it faze us. We took Jimbo and his squad out quickly by a score of 7-2. All of the women rolled well and they carried me because I was pretty mediocre. SHR had one of the best rolls I've seen in a long time early in the game that set up Rod taking a 5-0 lead.

Game 3
Same as Game 2
It was back and forth at first. 2-0 Meats, Tied, 3-2 Meats, 4-3 Us

But the tide turned in the frame where we took the lead. My good rolls from the beginning of the game had completely deserted me at this point. Despite an excellent roll by Sarah to knock the pallino back to set us up for a killer round, I hit the back wall and we only got two points. We should have had three.

Somewhere during this time, many of the Coffee Flats Terrors who were supposedly rooting for us early in the match accepted bribes from the Sweet Meats to root for them instead of us. Oh well, anything for a quarter I suppose. We now know how cheaply some of the Terrors' loyalty can be bought.

Whether it was my bad rolls, Rod having an off night, or the quarters being bandied about, we completely fell apart - all four of us.

The Sweet Meats scored three points in the next frame and then finished us off in the next frame by only throwing one ball. The funniest part of this was that Tom Sweet Meat had no idea that the game was over and thought that we had become so disheartened that we had simply quit. I think he thought that we had one more ball left or something? Anyway, it was yet another loss to the Sweet Meats but we'll get them back in the playoffs! Maybe.

Game 3
7-4 Sweet Meats

Summer Record: 2-2

If You Want My Bocce vs. Bourbon Balls

2007-07-09T20:53:00.001-04:00

We have a winning record again!

I was out of town last week but I made sure to listen to the Faces last Monday morning as a tribute to Team Rod.

We only had four folks on the squad (Mike, Sarah, Jim, and Dave) but they took down Bourbon Balls in three games.

Not sure what happened exactly but I figure someone has got to update this thing.

After having avenged our playoff loss to Po-Town in a recent match, we look to take down the last team to end a season of ours, The Sweet Meats, in our next match.

Hot Legs Angers Po-Town

2007-06-27T13:15:00.000-04:00

First of all, much like I refuse to call the third baseman for the Yankees by the name of A-Rod, I refuse to call our Monday Night opponents Po-Po. With that out of the way, I've got to say that I have nothing against this team. I mean, other than the fact that we were the only team who beat them in the regular season last year but they pretended that they had no idea who we were. And, of course, losing to them in the playoffs was no fun either.

However, at this point, I think that they hate me. Or at least the captain does. Oh well. I wasn't trying to get in their heads or nothing when I suggested that we start the game as we waited for their 4th member to show up. Captain Po-Town did not seem excited by the idea but was willing to do it. My reasoning was that there were two more games after ours so we should just get going. I never suggested a forfeit or nothing. But since it was already 5 minutes past start time, I figured why not just start the first frame? We did and perhaps I unintentionally got in their heads? Mitch and I took an immediate 3-0 lead.

And then we waited for their 4th team member to show. It was only a few minutes more which was okay with me. At least we had started and given him a chance to show up on time and not delay the match further. He was completely out of breath from running which I guess helped our cause. SHR and Beth continued the run of excellence. Actually, all four of us did and we took Game 1 by a score of 7-0.

Game 2 saw us take a quick 5-0 lead. There was talk about where to get dinner. I began to feel guilty for rushing things since it was barely past 8 and we were about to dispatch the enemy in quick order.

Um, not so quick. Things began to fall apart quickly as they sometimes do when we try to get too fancy rather than play nice and easy, Rod-style. Rod knows you can't rush a good thing and sometimes our squad forgets that.

With a 6-3 lead, the Po-Town squad had a chance to put us away with a four-spot. Luckily, they could only put up three and it was up to Mike and Sarah to give us the win.

But Po-Town was too strong and they prevailed by a score of 7-6. So much for an early dinner.

Game 3 was tense. We took a quick 4-1 lead before things got scary again. It was back and forth until finally we set it up for victory. Po-Town needed to knock our ball out of the way to avert defeat.

I set up to take a movie. Captain Po-Town was not happy with me. I understand the way she feels and I'm sure she thought I was going to take a picture with the flash. Still, it was funny to be chastised by her and then by my squad.

So I moved back and documented the last shot. Victory to Rod!

Game 1
Mitch and me
SHR and Beth
Rod 7-0

Game 2
Mitch and Dave
Mike and Sarah
Po-Town 7-6

Game 3
Mitch and Mike
SHR and Beth
Rod 7-5

Summer Record: 1-1

Later in the evening saw the Coffee Flats Terrors play Boccelism for the first time ever. The game was an intriguing one as it pitted the last non Boccelism champ (more or less) vs. the fourpeaters.

It wasn't even close. Boccelism got rattled and fell to the Terrors in two games.

The winning shot by Balgavy.

And when it comes right down to it, how could a team with a member with such a fine 'stache lose?
By the way, I have officially named this new fixture at Floyd. His name is Rod.
Finally, as we all know, our team hasn't been playing all that well recently. But last week, while I was at a math workshop I stumbled upon a very good omen.

We were learning about different activities on how to use Cuisenaire Rods. The instructor put up this sign.

Who cares about the Virgin Mary appearing on toast and other such nonsense? I've never believed in that stuff. But when I saw this lovely creation, I knew that the Bocce Gods had spoken. And it spoke the name of Rod.

Summer Season!

We Don't Play Again Until 6/25

2007-06-14T20:06:00.000-04:00

In the meantime, feast your eyes on this gem of a picture. Thank you to Hot Tub Eric for sending it my way.

The Year of Rod Might Just Be A Mirage

2007-06-12T17:27:00.000-04:00

Because as much as I hate to say it, we kind of aren't very good these days. We hit a peak sometime in mid winter of this year and it has all been downhill since.

Last night, we started off slow, gained some momentum, almost won, and then fall apart yet once again.

The new court plays very differently which I think will be a good thing for us in the long run but last night messed with my head. Either that or the three pints I drank in quick succession right before rolling did the trick.

Game 1 stunk.
We lost 7-3.
Team: Mike, Sarah, SHR, Beth

Game 2 was crap for a bit. But after spotting our opponents a 5-0 lead, we came roaring back to a 7-5 victory.
Team: Mike, Sarah, Mitch, me

As team captain, I knew what had to be done - remove myself from game action because I was killing us, KILLING us I say. I had planned on taking Mike and Sarah out but they were hott so I left them in.

Things looked rosy for awhile. With a 5-3 lead, we had two balls to close the deal. Unfortunately, we couldn't add the points to take it. Then we lost 7-5. Oops.
Team: Mike, Sarah, SHR, Beth

The victors - Tchauzinho

All we can do is keep plugging away and maybe good things will soon happen.

The Year of Rod Took a Slight Detour and Will Officially Commence in June

2007-05-10T18:57:00.001-04:00

In the brief lull of another season ended too early, I present to you some scenes of what proved to be an insurmountable blow to our collective egos - the doubleheader defeat of Team Rod in our last regular season matches before the playoffs.

We may have lost but this scoreboard still makes me laugh.
Someone wants to get their twenty dollars worth. Either that or they were very angry.
Even though we ended up succumbing to the onslaught of Watch Your Balls in the second game of the sweep, I really like this exciting clip as they tried to put us away. They didn't on this shot but it only delayed the inevitable.

Summer season is right around the corner. Get in the mood with a singalong.

Downtrain Train

2007-05-03T16:51:00.000-04:00

A Rodster from the very beginning, Mitch took season two off. Season three saw him become our number one cheerleader and season four brought him back to the fold.

Name: Mitch
Age: Double Triples
Birthplace: Baltimore

Began playing bocce: yes

What got you into the sport: peer pressure

Where do you find the inspiration: the back of cereal boxes

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: winning/losing

What do you look for in a set of balls: consistency

What is your overall bocce philosophy: Western

Famous Quote: Some teams are born great, others have greatness rolled upon them.

If You Want My Bocce Stalls in the Final 8 for the Second Straight Season

2007-05-01T21:20:00.000-04:00

The day was bad. Real bad. We got spanked by the Po-Town Po-llinos. Nothing against them considering they were the number two seed but we really showed nothing. We beat them handily back in the glory days of our undefeated early part of the season.

After beating them, we ran our record to 3-0. After that, we lost 4 of our final 6 matches to finish with a mediocre 5-4 record, easily our worst mark since our first season of Spring '06.

In game 1, we got swamped 7-1. In Game 2, after falling behind 5-1, we came back to tie it at 5 before succumbing to an ignoble 7-5 defeat. I have nothing against our fine opponents but I definitely got the sense from some of them that they completely thought that we had no chance against them. Unfortunately, we didn't show them otherwise. So it goes ...

But at least a former Rodster showed up with his baby son Henry. In fact, it was a double Henry day as Dave also brought baby Rod veteran, Henry, who witnessed his fourth or so If You Want My Bocce match.
Ugly scoreboard to the right, cute baby to the left.

Mitch and I took off immediately after the ugliness to go see a movie. We came back in time to watch the number one seed and vaunted rivals Coffee Flats Terrors blow a 5-0 3rd game lead to Watch Your Balls. The Terrors might have been the last best chance to take out Boccelism.

The scene during the Watch Your Balls vs. Boccelism match. Unfortunately the "Stop Boccelism" shirts didn't do much. Thanks again to Cobra Kai for the shirt.

Boccelism destroyed Po-Town in the finals. Oh well, at least it wasn't Boccelism vs. ODB yet once again. Watch the movie of the last shot of the season - a movie that I like to call Fuck Boccelism.

Ezra Terror (not to be confused with Ezra Lism) excitedly points out that the Coffee Flats Terrors trophy is still bigger than any of the FOUR Boccelism trophies. Oh Ezra.
And what can only be described as the perfect description of the disorganized and half assed way that the whole league is run (is it too much to ask for the 20 bucks we were forced to spend to actually have chalk provided so we don't have to go out and buy some? Or how about new balls that aren't chipped?), Cobra Kai won the award for Best Blog of the Spring '07 season. Nevermind that their last post is from November 2006. Did Floyd even bother to check the blog? I suppose it makes perfect sense since Floyd doesn't exactly update its website all that much. I swear it will read "Coming Soon" in the photos section on their site forever. Kaci had the best heckle of the proceedings when she cried out, "Ross doesn't even remember the password to his blog!"

To be honest I think it is pretty funny that Cobra Kai won this award. It really cracks me up. Still, I wouldn't have minded having the award proudly displayed next to my Coffee Flats Terrors championship trophy. For the record, this blog has documented every SINGLE match we have played over the course of four seasons.

Ross shows off the goods.
Summer season is just around the corner. Stay tuned to this space over the next week, I have two more posts in me as I try to catch up on old business.

If You Want My Bocce vs. Bourbon Balls

2007-04-24T21:54:00.001-04:00

Team Rod stumbled into the playoffs having lost two in a row and three of our last four. No matter. We are proven champions when it comes to scaring teams away from even showing up during the playoffs. Veni Vidi Bocce didn't show up because they knew of the carnage that awaited them if they did.

So we confidently strode into the round of 16 without breaking a sweat. Bourbon Balls stood between us and making the round of 8 for the third straight season.

We roared out of the gate and took a quick 5-0 lead in Game 1. Bourbon Balls had no chance. Um, that is until we completely fell flat and lost 7-5. We had our chances to do some things but just couldn't do it.

Game 2 didn't start any better. We fell behind 4-0. What? 11 straight points against us? No matter because of what happened next.

Mike and Sarah took 3 points and then SHR and I finished up the job with a 4 spot. For those keeping score - Couples Skate Night was indeed a rousing success in its IYWMB debut.
Game 3 saw us go down by a score of 5-2. But that was when we started showing our true grit. Mitch's stellar rolls pulled us to within 1 point.

Then things got really interesting. Mike and Beth were rolling well in the next frame but Bourbon Balls were rolling even better. Or so they thought.

We each had 1 ball left. BB had their red ball right up on the pallino. If we didn't gets ours closer (which seemed to be an impossible shot) they had one ball left to close us out. I was praying for Beth to pull out the old "Knock the pallino" off the court and restart gambit. But she did something just as amazing. Her roll was perfect and it sandwiched the pallino between our green and their red. Bourbon Balls couldn't quite believe it. They dropped their last ball in fear and decided to start again.

Mitch and I scored a point to tie it and then Mike and Beth scored another to take a 6-5 lead.

In the next frame, Mitch and I were rolling okay but nothing special. We had one ball left and Bourbon Balls had what seemed like 34 left but it might have only been two or three now that I really think about it. With the precision we've all grown to know and love, Mr. Downtrain Train took that fucking pallino back, back, back Chris Berman style all the way back on his last roll of the frame.

Now it was up to Bourbon Balls to try to avert certain defeat. They couldn't do it with their first efforts. So it came down to the last roll. And this is what happened.

Time to measure. Too close to call.
The verdict? All Rod!

The Po-town Po-llinos are up next. They are the number two seed and they only lost one game all season. They even took down Boccelism giving the three time champs their first loss since July. We should be very very afraid. But guess who gave those Po-llinos their only loss all season? You want a hint?

It Takes Two

2007-04-19T12:48:00.000-04:00

Well Rodders, I'm glad I haven't had the chance to post write up for our regular season-ending doubleheader until now. Instead of a long-winded discourse of shoulda, coulda, wouldas, I'm saying, ON TO THE PLAYOFFS!

However, for those keeping score at home here's the ten second recap. We took game one against the Sweet Meats before they came back and tenderized us in games two and three as they did in last season's playoffs. In match two, we went down in two games to Watch Your Balls. In both matches, we put ourselves behind the pallino big time, falling behind 0-6 before mounting furious comebacks that just felt short.

Love,
YL the YT

Who does a girl have to screw around here to get a Rod update?

2007-04-03T12:38:00.000-04:00

Last Monday, March 26th, IYWMB faced off against NKOTB (New Kids on the Bocc). They’re a great team, full of raw talent. In fact, on any given Monday they could beat ANYbody out there. And Boccelism, if you’re reading this, I hope they beat you last night. Not so much as an anti-Boccelism thing (some people may make fun of you, but I think it’s cool that you guys have decided to wait – you only lose your virginity once…make sure it’s with someone special!), but as a pro-NKOTB thing. I think they’re awesome and would really love to see them come into their own, but not against Rod of course.

To be honest, I don’t really remember any details from that match. Here’s what I DO know though:

♥ Jim, the Balltrap, was captain for the day. He did an excellent job. He was cool and collected and all of his pairings were extremely complimentary to one another. My favorite pairing of the evening – Young Turk and Downtown Train rolling from the South side in game one. They were unflappable and always managed to come up with the big shots.

♥ I think we won the first game 7-5, or maybe 7-3. Representing Rod were the aforementioned, with Handbags and Gladrags and Reason to Believe at the other end of the court.

♥ Again, not exactly sure about the second game’s score. We either won 7-3 or 7-2. I rolled with Hot Legs from the South side, with the Balltrap and Sweet Little Rock'n'Roller on the North side of the court. In general, I find patting oneself on the back and acting like a self-congratulatory ass to be poor sportsmanship and totally gross, but I’m going to do it anyway because no one else from my team could make a post this week. I was fucking awesome. If you’ve ever met me, you know that I love to bank, but last week I tried something new – straight shooting. And you know what? IT WORKS. My precision shooting earned me the coveted RVP award and I’ve been staring at that album cover all week. In examining it, I saw some amazing wardrobe details that I never even noticed before. Rod enjoys the finer things in life and knows that it’s all in the details.

So that’s it. We were off last night, as the entire league should have been for the first night of Pesach and mass brisket consumption. Next week we have a doubleheader – Sweet Meats at 7:30 and Watch Your Balls at 8:30. Hope to see you there!

Full Hearts, Clear Minds Can Not Lose!

2007-03-14T22:55:00.000-04:00

I'm not even sure if that is the line from Friday Night Lights or not but that is what I kept saying last night. Anytime things looked bleak, it was time to bring out the Full Hearts, Clear Minds Can Not Lose mantra. But what works for a fictional high school football team might not work for a Rod inspired bocce team.

Week 4 saw us facing off against the cream of the crop, the New York Yankees of bocce, Boccelism. The three time defending champs. The team that hasn't lost since a time when an actor named Johnny channeled the spirit of a guitarist named Keith to take him box office gold in that long ago time of yesteryear, July 2006.

Was Rod fazed? Fuck no. We knew we could take this team. And we were excited that Dave made his first appearance of the season to cheer us on and he even brought his future bocce superstar son to take in the proceedings.

And when I was told right before the game that two of the members of our worthy opponents had recently met Sir Rod in person just a mere two weeks ago, I began to really angry. What does it mean when the three time champs get to meet Rod before the glorious teammates of If You Want My Bocce get to meet him? Fuck you man! You win three championships in a row AND you get to meet Rod Stewart? Is there nothing left for us?

Fuck yeah, there is. And that is take down these Rod stealing mofos!

Game 1
Jim and me on one end. SHR and Beth on the other.

Fuck! Before we knew it we were down 5-1. We all were rolling decently but that Brian is fucking uncanny. Every second shot he rolled was amazing. Sometimes you have to simply tip your hat at such brilliance and that is what I do to him.

But if there's one thing that doesn't scare Rod, it is coming from behind. In fact, Rod prefers it.

Before they knew what had hit them, we had tied the score at 5. SHR made a precision strike at one juncture to add another point to our tally and we were on our way.

But before we knew it, Boccelism regrouped and finished us off 7-5.

Game 2
Mitch and Adam on one end. Mike and Sarah on the other.

This game was all Mike and Sarah. Literally. After a disastrous first frame that set us back 4-0, Mike and Sarah went to town. They scored two quick points to get us back in the game at 4-2.

Then Adam atoned for his first frame mistakes by stealing a point back from Boccelism when they had two points. Instead of facing a tough 6-2 score, we were only down 5-2. That was key, I believe, in keeping us focused. Full Hearts, Clear Minds Can Not Lose!

Mike and Sarah notched two more points and the score was 5-4.

Again, Mitch and Adam rolled well but were only able to keep Boccelism from notching the final nail. The score was 6-4 but gosh darnit Full Hearts, Clear Minds Can Not Lose!

Mike and Sarah donned their scrubs again and again commenced on their surgical strikes and finished off The Evil Empire with a threespot. Final score 7-6.

For those keeping score at home, yes, Mike and Sarah did indeed score all 7 points. It was beautiful. Yes, Mike and Sarah took care of things on their end but to Mitch and Adam's credit, they played very well after the first frame. They didn't fall apart after the terrible first frame. They played nice defensive ball holding Brian and Co. to only two points. Two points that they had to fight and claw for. Two points only, allowing Mike and Sarah to do their thing. It was Rod at its best.

Game 3
Rod at its best is not what I can say about this game. I still believe that Full Hearts, Clear Minds Can Not Lose but for a variety of reasons, I'm not sure if Team Rod went into Game 3 with the clear minds aspect of the Friday Night Lights mantra.

Mike and Sarah didn't have a chance to shine but at least they only gave up one point. Jim and I, on the other hand, didn't do so hot. Yes, we did allow 6 points. It was over and done with in three frames. Completely terrible. 7-0.

But overall, I'm happy with the match. We played tough and came from behind twice. Both of the first two games could have gone either way. And I firmly believe that if we had somehow held Boccelism to only one point in that embarrassing last frame where they put up a fourspot on us, we would have come from behind to take the damn thing. Because Rod does like it from behind. We have proven that again and again.

For now, our record falls to 3-1 but I'm proud of my fellow Rodsters. All heart.

Rod loves Jews and Christians alike - especially the hot ones.

2007-03-05T22:25:00.001-05:00

As we enter the second full week of Lent, Rod would like to share some tips from his old friend, bocce mentor and spiritual advisor - Father Guido Sarducci. And no, Rod has not given up tapping ass for Lent.

Also, I noticed that there is league play on Monday, April 2nd. That's the first night of Passover for chrissake! I hope someone at Floyd remembers to hide the afikoman from the littlest bocce player that night...

Rod Now 3-0; Prepare to Get Hit with Train Analogy

2007-02-27T16:50:00.000-05:00

Rod is 3-0 in the season after defeating the Po-town Po-llinos last night. But victory didn't come easy.

Have you ever entered a subway station only to hear the announcement that, in order to go your stop of choice, you'll first have to take an uptown train to the next express station and catch a downtown train going back?

That's what last night was like. First, we kept blowing our initial shots. But like true hot Rods schlepping to the uptown express stations, we went long distance on our subsequent rolls. So much so that we handily won the first set 7 to 1.

The crap-first-shot-but-great-subsequent-shot routine carried through to our second set, where we racked up 5 points quite quickly.

But then our downtown train got stuck in a tunnel and we had to watch as the Po-llinos crept past us on the other track. And oh, how their triumphant faces annoyed us as they stared through the scrachiti-etched windows of their victory train.

But we were patient, and soon the conductor, Cap'n "Hot Legs" Dan, had us heading in the right direction, ekeing out victory one point at a time, holding the Po-Towners off by playing it close and conservative.

RVP: Jim "Ball Trap"
Final (Rod vs. Po-town): 7-1, 5-7, 7-2

If You Want My Bocce vs. The Notorious BRF

2007-02-07T18:59:00.000-05:00

Week 2

Oy vey. Team Rod knew that we might have some problems with games running late when we decided to make the move to Monday nights. But we thought that a few missed moments of sleep on Tuesday mornings was a small price to pay to ensure that we escaped having to play the Coffee Flats Terrors again anytime soon.

When we looked at the schedule for this past Monday, we realized that we had our first of 4 (!) 9:30 matches out of 7 overall. "Oh well, maybe it won't go that late," we hoped. Plus we were heartened to see that the Human Rain Delays of bocce, Boccelism, weren't playing on this night. So how late could it possibly go?

The answer - plenty late.
At 10:50, we suited up for our 9:30 match against the Notorious BRF.

Game 1 Squad: The Balltrap Jim, Love Touch Beth, Sweet Little Rock and Roller Sarah, and Young Turk SHR.

The BRF rolled really well and showed us that they were going to be a formidable opponent. We weren't getting the lucky rolls and things looked bad. They scored three single points to take a 3-0 lead.

Then The Balltrap and Love Touch turned it on and put us on the board for the first time of the evening at 3-2.

But the rest of the game just didn't go well for us and we fell 7-3.

Game 2 Squad: The Balltrap Jim, Downtrain Train Mitch, Reason to Believe Mike, and yours truly, Hot Legs.

We finally began to hit our stride. Team Rod rolled inconsistently in Game 1 but had shown signs of life by the end of the game. Still, it was too little too late. In Game 2, it was too much too soon for the ladies of the BRF.

Reason to Believe brought the confidence. The Balltrap continued to hone his ballhandling skills of the night, Downtrain Train fortified his position as Mr. Unflappable in only his second match back in the green, and I didn't completely suck.

Game 2 Score: 7-1 Rod
Movie of the final shot where the BRF needed to get closer to the pallino to avert defeat and couldn't quite pull it off. It almost breaks my heart to watch the excitement on the face of one of our opponents as she hopes for the best.

Game 3 Squad: The same as Game 2 but Young Turk SHR subbed back in for Downtrain Train.

We all rolled well. Hot Legs got his game legs back, The Balltrap dominated, and RTB and Young Turk cruised.

Game 3 Score: 7-2 Rod

Co-RVP's: The Balltrap and Reason to Believe. As Rod inscribed on the hardware, "You guys did it - together!"

Season record: 2-0

No one dominated. We all made some mistakes but we all also made at least one very good shot when push came to shove.

My favorite shot of the night: In Game 2, Reason to Believe Mike had accidentally turned a 1 point frame into a 2 point frame for the BRF. Calm, cool, and collected, Downtrain Train made quite the impressive shot and almost gave us back control. It didn't work out that way but he did save us a point. It was early in the game, we had a 4-0 lead, and two points in that situation might have really given the BRF the fortitude to come back on Rod. Instead, it was merely 4-1.

The game ended at 12:20. Way way too late. I still don't understand why Floyd can't expand to having league play on both Mondays and Tuesdays. I also don't understand why they can't turn up the heat a little. The $5 Yuenglings aren't bringing in enough cash to pay the heating bills?

Today I was able to reschedule two of our three remaining 9:30 matches for Monday, April 9 at a more reasonable hour.

For the record, this is what Tom of The Sweet Meats had to say about our 4/9 match. "I'll of course have to reprint the posters I'd had made up to advertise our rematch of last year's playoff battle, but this is what marketing budgets are for."

Truer words have never been spoken.

Just make sure you choose a beautiful picture of Rod for your posters.

Rod is Rock & Roll's Worst Nightmare

2007-01-30T18:55:00.000-05:00

You might think that I'm referring to outfits like this, right?But I really am referring to last night's opening night action that pitted If You Want My Bocce vs. Rock & Roll Nightmare.

Match 1 of the Year of Rod

Almost a full showing. We were eight strong for Match 1. We were quite pleased to see Mitch (Downtrain Train) roll back into Rod Station for '07. Skippy who once pretended he wanted to be a Rod even showed up to cheer us on.

The only missing Rod was Handbags & Glad Rags Dave who was otherwise preoccupied with his two-day-old son. That is right, Dave and Jen are the proud parents of a future bocce All-Star. I don't even know the kid's name yet so until I hear otherwise, his name will be Baby Rod.

Dave and Jen join former Rodsters Oh God I Wish I Was Home Tonight Beth and Lethal Dose of Love Alex in parenthood. If you need further proof that '07 is the Year of Rod, there have been two babies born to Rodsters just in the past three weeks. Top that, the virgins of Boccelism!
Anyway, the first game went well. Young Turk SHR kicked much butt with some precision rolling and we won 7-0. During the middle of the first game, we all were wondering if the mystery man of If You Want My Bocce was going to show up. And he did. Ready to rumble. All hail Gettin' Hungry Slice.
The second game featured some fine ballhandling skills by the aforementioned Gettin' Hungry and the triumphant bocce return of Downtrain Train. To cap off his return to If You Want My Bocce, Downtrain Train nailed the winning roll. Final score: 7-0

RVP: Young Turk for setting the tone of domination for the night. Young hearts be free tonight indeed!

Monday Night: You have officially been put on notice that 2007 is the Year of Rod.

In the Past Hour, Two Different Coffee Flats Terrors Sent Me This Link

2007-01-28T21:43:00.000-05:00

Rod Forever!Rod is the undisputed king of all leisure sports. You know it. We know it. Everyone knows it.

The first game of The Year of Rod is less than 22 short hours away.

Spring 2007 Schedule

2007-01-25T14:48:00.000-05:00

The Rods have moved to Monday night! So, if you're tired of playing with the pups and want to run with the wolves, come hang with us at Floyd at the following times:

January 29th at 19:30 (vs. Rock and Roll Nightmare)

February 5th at 21:30 (vs. Notorious BRF)

February 12th at never (vs. no one) because we have a bye

February 19th at never (vs. no one) because everybody has a bye

February 26th at 19:30 (vs. Watch Your Balls!!)

March 5th at 21:30 (vs. the Po-town Po-llinos)

March 12th at 21:30 (vs. America's favorite virgins - BOCCELISM)

March 19th at 21:30 (vs. clandestine tofurky eaters - the Sweet Meats)

March 26th at 19:30 (vs. New Kids on the Bocc)

April 2nd at never (vs. no one) because we have a bye

April 9th at never (vs. no one) because everybody has a bye

April 16th at never (vs. no one) because we have a bye

April 28th and 29th - PLAYOFFS

May 5th and 6th - FINALS

May 7th, all day and all night, some well deserved R and R for Rod: