The Year of Rod Took a Slight Detour and Will Officially Commence in June

In the brief lull of another season ended too early, I present to you some scenes of what proved to be an insurmountable blow to our collective egos - the doubleheader defeat of Team Rod in our last regular season matches before the playoffs.

We may have lost but this scoreboard still makes me laugh.
Someone wants to get their twenty dollars worth. Either that or they were very angry.
Even though we ended up succumbing to the onslaught of Watch Your Balls in the second game of the sweep, I really like this exciting clip as they tried to put us away. They didn't on this shot but it only delayed the inevitable.

Summer season is right around the corner. Get in the mood with a singalong.

If You Want My Bocce Stalls in the Final 8 for the Second Straight Season

The day was bad. Real bad. We got spanked by the Po-Town Po-llinos. Nothing against them considering they were the number two seed but we really showed nothing. We beat them handily back in the glory days of our undefeated early part of the season.

After beating them, we ran our record to 3-0. After that, we lost 4 of our final 6 matches to finish with a mediocre 5-4 record, easily our worst mark since our first season of Spring '06.

In game 1, we got swamped 7-1. In Game 2, after falling behind 5-1, we came back to tie it at 5 before succumbing to an ignoble 7-5 defeat. I have nothing against our fine opponents but I definitely got the sense from some of them that they completely thought that we had no chance against them. Unfortunately, we didn't show them otherwise. So it goes ...

But at least a former Rodster showed up with his baby son Henry. In fact, it was a double Henry day as Dave also brought baby Rod veteran, Henry, who witnessed his fourth or so If You Want My Bocce match.
Ugly scoreboard to the right, cute baby to the left.

Mitch and I took off immediately after the ugliness to go see a movie. We came back in time to watch the number one seed and vaunted rivals Coffee Flats Terrors blow a 5-0 3rd game lead to Watch Your Balls. The Terrors might have been the last best chance to take out Boccelism.

The scene during the Watch Your Balls vs. Boccelism match. Unfortunately the "Stop Boccelism" shirts didn't do much. Thanks again to Cobra Kai for the shirt.

Boccelism destroyed Po-Town in the finals. Oh well, at least it wasn't Boccelism vs. ODB yet once again. Watch the movie of the last shot of the season - a movie that I like to call Fuck Boccelism.

Ezra Terror (not to be confused with Ezra Lism) excitedly points out that the Coffee Flats Terrors trophy is still bigger than any of the FOUR Boccelism trophies. Oh Ezra.
And what can only be described as the perfect description of the disorganized and half assed way that the whole league is run (is it too much to ask for the 20 bucks we were forced to spend to actually have chalk provided so we don't have to go out and buy some? Or how about new balls that aren't chipped?), Cobra Kai won the award for Best Blog of the Spring '07 season. Nevermind that their last post is from November 2006. Did Floyd even bother to check the blog? I suppose it makes perfect sense since Floyd doesn't exactly update its website all that much. I swear it will read "Coming Soon" in the photos section on their site forever. Kaci had the best heckle of the proceedings when she cried out, "Ross doesn't even remember the password to his blog!"

To be honest I think it is pretty funny that Cobra Kai won this award. It really cracks me up. Still, I wouldn't have minded having the award proudly displayed next to my Coffee Flats Terrors championship trophy. For the record, this blog has documented every SINGLE match we have played over the course of four seasons.

Ross shows off the goods.
Summer season is just around the corner. Stay tuned to this space over the next week, I have two more posts in me as I try to catch up on old business.

If You Want My Bocce vs. Bourbon Balls

Team Rod stumbled into the playoffs having lost two in a row and three of our last four. No matter. We are proven champions when it comes to scaring teams away from even showing up during the playoffs. Veni Vidi Bocce didn't show up because they knew of the carnage that awaited them if they did.

So we confidently strode into the round of 16 without breaking a sweat. Bourbon Balls stood between us and making the round of 8 for the third straight season.

We roared out of the gate and took a quick 5-0 lead in Game 1. Bourbon Balls had no chance. Um, that is until we completely fell flat and lost 7-5. We had our chances to do some things but just couldn't do it.

Game 2 didn't start any better. We fell behind 4-0. What? 11 straight points against us? No matter because of what happened next.

Mike and Sarah took 3 points and then SHR and I finished up the job with a 4 spot. For those keeping score - Couples Skate Night was indeed a rousing success in its IYWMB debut.
Game 3 saw us go down by a score of 5-2. But that was when we started showing our true grit. Mitch's stellar rolls pulled us to within 1 point.

Then things got really interesting. Mike and Beth were rolling well in the next frame but Bourbon Balls were rolling even better. Or so they thought.

We each had 1 ball left. BB had their red ball right up on the pallino. If we didn't gets ours closer (which seemed to be an impossible shot) they had one ball left to close us out. I was praying for Beth to pull out the old "Knock the pallino" off the court and restart gambit. But she did something just as amazing. Her roll was perfect and it sandwiched the pallino between our green and their red. Bourbon Balls couldn't quite believe it. They dropped their last ball in fear and decided to start again.

Mitch and I scored a point to tie it and then Mike and Beth scored another to take a 6-5 lead.

In the next frame, Mitch and I were rolling okay but nothing special. We had one ball left and Bourbon Balls had what seemed like 34 left but it might have only been two or three now that I really think about it. With the precision we've all grown to know and love, Mr. Downtrain Train took that fucking pallino back, back, back Chris Berman style all the way back on his last roll of the frame.

Now it was up to Bourbon Balls to try to avert certain defeat. They couldn't do it with their first efforts. So it came down to the last roll. And this is what happened.

Time to measure. Too close to call.
The verdict? All Rod!


The Po-town Po-llinos are up next. They are the number two seed and they only lost one game all season. They even took down Boccelism giving the three time champs their first loss since July. We should be very very afraid. But guess who gave those Po-llinos their only loss all season? You want a hint?

It Takes Two

Well Rodders, I'm glad I haven't had the chance to post write up for our regular season-ending doubleheader until now. Instead of a long-winded discourse of shoulda, coulda, wouldas, I'm saying, ON TO THE PLAYOFFS!

However, for those keeping score at home here's the ten second recap. We took game one against the Sweet Meats before they came back and tenderized us in games two and three as they did in last season's playoffs. In match two, we went down in two games to Watch Your Balls. In both matches, we put ourselves behind the pallino big time, falling behind 0-6 before mounting furious comebacks that just felt short.

Love,
YL the YT

Who does a girl have to screw around here to get a Rod update?

Last Monday, March 26th, IYWMB faced off against NKOTB (New Kids on the Bocc). They’re a great team, full of raw talent. In fact, on any given Monday they could beat ANYbody out there. And Boccelism, if you’re reading this, I hope they beat you last night. Not so much as an anti-Boccelism thing (some people may make fun of you, but I think it’s cool that you guys have decided to wait – you only lose your virginity once…make sure it’s with someone special!), but as a pro-NKOTB thing. I think they’re awesome and would really love to see them come into their own, but not against Rod of course.

To be honest, I don’t really remember any details from that match. Here’s what I DO know though:

♥ Jim, the Balltrap, was captain for the day. He did an excellent job. He was cool and collected and all of his pairings were extremely complimentary to one another. My favorite pairing of the evening – Young Turk and Downtown Train rolling from the South side in game one. They were unflappable and always managed to come up with the big shots.

♥ I think we won the first game 7-5, or maybe 7-3. Representing Rod were the aforementioned, with Handbags and Gladrags and Reason to Believe at the other end of the court.

♥ Again, not exactly sure about the second game’s score. We either won 7-3 or 7-2. I rolled with Hot Legs from the South side, with the Balltrap and Sweet Little Rock'n'Roller on the North side of the court. In general, I find patting oneself on the back and acting like a self-congratulatory ass to be poor sportsmanship and totally gross, but I’m going to do it anyway because no one else from my team could make a post this week. I was fucking awesome. If you’ve ever met me, you know that I love to bank, but last week I tried something new – straight shooting. And you know what? IT WORKS. My precision shooting earned me the coveted RVP award and I’ve been staring at that album cover all week. In examining it, I saw some amazing wardrobe details that I never even noticed before. Rod enjoys the finer things in life and knows that it’s all in the details.

So that’s it. We were off last night, as the entire league should have been for the first night of Pesach and mass brisket consumption. Next week we have a doubleheader – Sweet Meats at 7:30 and Watch Your Balls at 8:30. Hope to see you there!

Full Hearts, Clear Minds Can Not Lose!

I'm not even sure if that is the line from Friday Night Lights or not but that is what I kept saying last night. Anytime things looked bleak, it was time to bring out the Full Hearts, Clear Minds Can Not Lose mantra. But what works for a fictional high school football team might not work for a Rod inspired bocce team.

Week 4 saw us facing off against the cream of the crop, the New York Yankees of bocce, Boccelism. The three time defending champs. The team that hasn't lost since a time when an actor named Johnny channeled the spirit of a guitarist named Keith to take him box office gold in that long ago time of yesteryear, July 2006.

Was Rod fazed? Fuck no. We knew we could take this team. And we were excited that Dave made his first appearance of the season to cheer us on and he even brought his future bocce superstar son to take in the proceedings.

And when I was told right before the game that two of the members of our worthy opponents had recently met Sir Rod in person just a mere two weeks ago, I began to really angry. What does it mean when the three time champs get to meet Rod before the glorious teammates of If You Want My Bocce get to meet him? Fuck you man! You win three championships in a row AND you get to meet Rod Stewart? Is there nothing left for us?

Fuck yeah, there is. And that is take down these Rod stealing mofos!

Game 1
Jim and me on one end. SHR and Beth on the other.

Fuck! Before we knew it we were down 5-1. We all were rolling decently but that Brian is fucking uncanny. Every second shot he rolled was amazing. Sometimes you have to simply tip your hat at such brilliance and that is what I do to him.

But if there's one thing that doesn't scare Rod, it is coming from behind. In fact, Rod prefers it.

Before they knew what had hit them, we had tied the score at 5. SHR made a precision strike at one juncture to add another point to our tally and we were on our way.

But before we knew it, Boccelism regrouped and finished us off 7-5.

Game 2
Mitch and Adam on one end. Mike and Sarah on the other.

This game was all Mike and Sarah. Literally. After a disastrous first frame that set us back 4-0, Mike and Sarah went to town. They scored two quick points to get us back in the game at 4-2.

Then Adam atoned for his first frame mistakes by stealing a point back from Boccelism when they had two points. Instead of facing a tough 6-2 score, we were only down 5-2. That was key, I believe, in keeping us focused. Full Hearts, Clear Minds Can Not Lose!

Mike and Sarah notched two more points and the score was 5-4.

Again, Mitch and Adam rolled well but were only able to keep Boccelism from notching the final nail. The score was 6-4 but gosh darnit Full Hearts, Clear Minds Can Not Lose!

Mike and Sarah donned their scrubs again and again commenced on their surgical strikes and finished off The Evil Empire with a threespot. Final score 7-6.

For those keeping score at home, yes, Mike and Sarah did indeed score all 7 points. It was beautiful. Yes, Mike and Sarah took care of things on their end but to Mitch and Adam's credit, they played very well after the first frame. They didn't fall apart after the terrible first frame. They played nice defensive ball holding Brian and Co. to only two points. Two points that they had to fight and claw for. Two points only, allowing Mike and Sarah to do their thing. It was Rod at its best.

Game 3
Rod at its best is not what I can say about this game. I still believe that Full Hearts, Clear Minds Can Not Lose but for a variety of reasons, I'm not sure if Team Rod went into Game 3 with the clear minds aspect of the Friday Night Lights mantra.

Mike and Sarah didn't have a chance to shine but at least they only gave up one point. Jim and I, on the other hand, didn't do so hot. Yes, we did allow 6 points. It was over and done with in three frames. Completely terrible. 7-0.

But overall, I'm happy with the match. We played tough and came from behind twice. Both of the first two games could have gone either way. And I firmly believe that if we had somehow held Boccelism to only one point in that embarrassing last frame where they put up a fourspot on us, we would have come from behind to take the damn thing. Because Rod does like it from behind. We have proven that again and again.

For now, our record falls to 3-1 but I'm proud of my fellow Rodsters. All heart.

Rod Now 3-0; Prepare to Get Hit with Train Analogy

Rod is 3-0 in the season after defeating the Po-town Po-llinos last night. But victory didn't come easy.

Have you ever entered a subway station only to hear the announcement that, in order to go your stop of choice, you'll first have to take an uptown train to the next express station and catch a downtown train going back?

That's what last night was like. First, we kept blowing our initial shots. But like true hot Rods schlepping to the uptown express stations, we went long distance on our subsequent rolls. So much so that we handily won the first set 7 to 1.

The crap-first-shot-but-great-subsequent-shot routine carried through to our second set, where we racked up 5 points quite quickly.

But then our downtown train got stuck in a tunnel and we had to watch as the Po-llinos crept past us on the other track. And oh, how their triumphant faces annoyed us as they stared through the scrachiti-etched windows of their victory train.

But we were patient, and soon the conductor, Cap'n "Hot Legs" Dan, had us heading in the right direction, ekeing out victory one point at a time, holding the Po-Towners off by playing it close and conservative.

RVP: Jim "Ball Trap"
Final (Rod vs. Po-town): 7-1, 5-7, 7-2

If You Want My Bocce vs. The Notorious BRF

Week 2

Oy vey. Team Rod knew that we might have some problems with games running late when we decided to make the move to Monday nights. But we thought that a few missed moments of sleep on Tuesday mornings was a small price to pay to ensure that we escaped having to play the Coffee Flats Terrors again anytime soon.

When we looked at the schedule for this past Monday, we realized that we had our first of 4 (!) 9:30 matches out of 7 overall. "Oh well, maybe it won't go that late," we hoped. Plus we were heartened to see that the Human Rain Delays of bocce, Boccelism, weren't playing on this night. So how late could it possibly go?

The answer - plenty late.
At 10:50, we suited up for our 9:30 match against the Notorious BRF.

Game 1 Squad: The Balltrap Jim, Love Touch Beth, Sweet Little Rock and Roller Sarah, and Young Turk SHR.

The BRF rolled really well and showed us that they were going to be a formidable opponent. We weren't getting the lucky rolls and things looked bad. They scored three single points to take a 3-0 lead.

Then The Balltrap and Love Touch turned it on and put us on the board for the first time of the evening at 3-2.

But the rest of the game just didn't go well for us and we fell 7-3.

Game 2 Squad: The Balltrap Jim, Downtrain Train Mitch, Reason to Believe Mike, and yours truly, Hot Legs.

We finally began to hit our stride. Team Rod rolled inconsistently in Game 1 but had shown signs of life by the end of the game. Still, it was too little too late. In Game 2, it was too much too soon for the ladies of the BRF.

Reason to Believe brought the confidence. The Balltrap continued to hone his ballhandling skills of the night, Downtrain Train fortified his position as Mr. Unflappable in only his second match back in the green, and I didn't completely suck.

Game 2 Score: 7-1 Rod
Movie of the final shot where the BRF needed to get closer to the pallino to avert defeat and couldn't quite pull it off. It almost breaks my heart to watch the excitement on the face of one of our opponents as she hopes for the best.

Game 3 Squad: The same as Game 2 but Young Turk SHR subbed back in for Downtrain Train.

We all rolled well. Hot Legs got his game legs back, The Balltrap dominated, and RTB and Young Turk cruised.

Game 3 Score: 7-2 Rod

Co-RVP's: The Balltrap and Reason to Believe. As Rod inscribed on the hardware, "You guys did it - together!"

Season record: 2-0

No one dominated. We all made some mistakes but we all also made at least one very good shot when push came to shove.

My favorite shot of the night: In Game 2, Reason to Believe Mike had accidentally turned a 1 point frame into a 2 point frame for the BRF. Calm, cool, and collected, Downtrain Train made quite the impressive shot and almost gave us back control. It didn't work out that way but he did save us a point. It was early in the game, we had a 4-0 lead, and two points in that situation might have really given the BRF the fortitude to come back on Rod. Instead, it was merely 4-1.

The game ended at 12:20. Way way too late. I still don't understand why Floyd can't expand to having league play on both Mondays and Tuesdays. I also don't understand why they can't turn up the heat a little. The $5 Yuenglings aren't bringing in enough cash to pay the heating bills?

Today I was able to reschedule two of our three remaining 9:30 matches for Monday, April 9 at a more reasonable hour.

For the record, this is what Tom of The Sweet Meats had to say about our 4/9 match. "I'll of course have to reprint the posters I'd had made up to advertise our rematch of last year's playoff battle, but this is what marketing budgets are for."

Truer words have never been spoken.

Just make sure you choose a beautiful picture of Rod for your posters.

Rod is Rock & Roll's Worst Nightmare

You might think that I'm referring to outfits like this, right?But I really am referring to last night's opening night action that pitted If You Want My Bocce vs. Rock & Roll Nightmare.

Match 1 of the Year of Rod

Almost a full showing. We were eight strong for Match 1. We were quite pleased to see Mitch (Downtrain Train) roll back into Rod Station for '07. Skippy who once pretended he wanted to be a Rod even showed up to cheer us on.

The only missing Rod was Handbags & Glad Rags Dave who was otherwise preoccupied with his two-day-old son. That is right, Dave and Jen are the proud parents of a future bocce All-Star. I don't even know the kid's name yet so until I hear otherwise, his name will be Baby Rod.

Dave and Jen join former Rodsters Oh God I Wish I Was Home Tonight Beth and Lethal Dose of Love Alex in parenthood. If you need further proof that '07 is the Year of Rod, there have been two babies born to Rodsters just in the past three weeks. Top that, the virgins of Boccelism!
Anyway, the first game went well. Young Turk SHR kicked much butt with some precision rolling and we won 7-0. During the middle of the first game, we all were wondering if the mystery man of If You Want My Bocce was going to show up. And he did. Ready to rumble. All hail Gettin' Hungry Slice.
The second game featured some fine ballhandling skills by the aforementioned Gettin' Hungry and the triumphant bocce return of Downtrain Train. To cap off his return to If You Want My Bocce, Downtrain Train nailed the winning roll. Final score: 7-0

RVP: Young Turk for setting the tone of domination for the night. Young hearts be free tonight indeed!

Monday Night: You have officially been put on notice that 2007 is the Year of Rod.

Spring 2007 Schedule

The Rods have moved to Monday night! So, if you're tired of playing with the pups and want to run with the wolves, come hang with us at Floyd at the following times:

January 29th at 19:30 (vs. Rock and Roll Nightmare)

February 5th at 21:30 (vs. Notorious BRF)

February 12th at never (vs. no one) because we have a bye

February 19th at never (vs. no one) because everybody has a bye

February 26th at 19:30 (vs. Watch Your Balls!!)

March 5th at 21:30 (vs. the Po-town Po-llinos)

March 12th at 21:30 (vs. America's favorite virgins - BOCCELISM)

March 19th at 21:30 (vs. clandestine tofurky eaters - the Sweet Meats)

March 26th at 19:30 (vs. New Kids on the Bocc)

April 2nd at never (vs. no one) because we have a bye

April 9th at never (vs. no one) because everybody has a bye

April 16th at never (vs. no one) because we have a bye

April 28th and 29th - PLAYOFFS

May 5th and 6th - FINALS

May 7th, all day and all night, some well deserved R and R for Rod: