Rod Hates the Fall Playoffs

Not only did Rod not make it to the Final 4 but now the Onion is making fun of him.

And, oh yeah, Joanie Loves Bocce won ... again.

The Same Old Song: Rod's Christmas Is Ruined Yet Again

Bah humbug! After starting the season 7-0, we entered the playoffs on a 1 game losing streak.

Our first match was won by forfeit.

Our second match was lost by pure domination.

For the second season in a row, the Gowanus Iguanuas took us out in the Final 8. We beat them in the regular season but that's no consolation. In the playoffs, they have proven to know how to tame Rod.

We go into yet another offseason with no trophy. Maybe Season 13 will be the lucky season for Rod.

All in all, we can't be too upset about a 7-2 season but it's hard to be too happy going out like punks like we did. Rod doesn't like punks.

Quote of the night:
Jim: "I was hoping to get my master's and a bocce trophy in the same week. I hope I still get my master's."

I'll be ordering my new Rod shirt soon. I hope my teammates join me. We need a new look to take on 2010 and lucky number (season) 13.

No more Mr. Nice Rod in 2010!

As for 2009, it remains the same old song.

Seven is Not Enough

Rod and his wife Penny are trying to have their second child. It would be Rod's eighth child. When asked about it, Rod said, "“Yes, we’re trying — we actually tried last night! One more and then we’re going to close the office.”

Coincidentally(?), Team Rod was also going for it last night. We were going for our 8th win of the fall season. If successful, we would finish the regular season with a perfect 8-0 record.

Unfortunately for Rod, wife Penny is still not with (Rod)child. And Team Rod did not go undefeated. We fell behind early in both games by scores of 4-0 and 3-0 only to come back and take 6-4 and 5-3 leads. But we couldn't hold the fort either time and lost both games to The Mo I Bocce.

Just like we know Rod will be more successful in impregnating his wife in the coming days, we know that Team Rod will be more successful in bringing home more victories in the coming days. The playoffs start after Thanksgiving. And unlike Rod, Team Rod will not be closing up office when it attains its 8th. Team Rod wants a trophy.

And when we win, we'll invite Rod and Penny along for the ride in the limo where they can try for lucky number 8. Go Rod!

One Victory Away from An Undefeated Regular Season!

Rod goes 7-0. Mitch does the telling. And for the record Mitch, we played Tarrytown Surprise.

For my first write-up ever, I'm embarrassed to report that I don't remember the name of the team we played - but I do know that they seemed like nice people and one guy in particular made a pretty amazing shot at one point. That said, they needed to recruit a stranger from the bar to be their fourth player, and it's no secret that Rod intimidates and manipulates strangers like no one else (I'm sorry but I'm out of milk and coffee; Never mind, sugar, we can watch the early movie").

Game one seemed to go very quickly - I remember Rebecca and Beth rolling particularly well from the top of the court. I stunk in game two, missing an entire cluster of balls in the middle of the court to hit the back wall for the third time in my first four shots and contribute mightily to a swift defeat. But game three saw Rod claw back and take control to keep the prospects of an undefeated season alive.

For the record, I also thought our team was particularly well-dressed tonight - Jim was wearing a sweatshirt I hadn't seen before, Erik was wearing a very fetching yellow sweater, and I believe I heard Beth complement Rebecca's sweater more than once. It was aces all around, and another one for the win column. On the season, we now have as many victories (7) as Rod has children. Odds are high that both numbers will continue to rise.

Friends, Foes and Terrible Grades

Dudes. Did you SEE Rod on Dancing with Stars?? Me neither, but check out that suit jacket!



Some other really great stuff has happened with Rod since last we spoke. Let's break it down.

Everyone knows that Rod has no natural predators in the wild (oh, what, TIGERS? Please!). In fact, he doesn't even like to have enemies. However, sometimes it's necessary. Rod stared down one of the greatest threats that man has ever known. The Wildfowl.

In FACT, Rod dislikes having enemies so much (especially when his enemies are usually friends, but for the purpose of competition must hate each other for a 1.5 hour period every few seasons), he had to dismantle the competition in two frames. Oh, hello 5-0, how about you come back to my dressing room?



Everyone needs a break between games. Below you can see Otis being rocked to sleep by the knowledge that Sean was mere DAYS away from shaving that beard off.



Then it was back to business. Rod had to face down a crew known only as "F-". But Rod wasn't fooled. Rod knows all about intentionally lowered expectations for purposes of subterfuge. Haven't you seen his children on reality TV? So, we approached our opponent with careful study and an air of cautious elegance.

By that I mean, Dan rolled with a BABY attached to him!



The F-'s were also taken down in two, as we all wanted to go home and bed our new ladyfriends, 6-0.



Just reach out and touch me, 6-0. Just reach out and touch me.

The Last Two Weeks in Rod News

1. Rod tore it up on Leno.
2. Team Rod beat Watch Your Balls in 2 games to run their season record to 4-0.

3. Team Rod discovered the best blog on the interweb.

4. Rod's new LP drops tomorrow.
5. Make sure to catch Rod on Kimmel later in the week.

It's a glorious time to be Team Rod right now.

Does Beating a Team Named Arthur Boccerelli & The Happy Days Atone for Losing to Joanie Loves Bocce in the Final 4 a Few Seasons Ago?

Probably not. But who cares about the past? Rod is now 3-0 this season!

If You Want My Bocce: Fonz's Dream Rod

Team Rod vs. Boccelism

An 8 pm start time at Floyd usually means 8:45 or later, right? Especially when it is supposed to be the third game of the night.

So I was surprised to get a call from Jim at 8:03 stating that the game was about to start and he was the only member of the squad who was actually there. Shit! I was getting ready to leave when I got his call. I hopped on my bike and pedaled as fast as I could through downtown Brooklyn. A forfeit is not the way Rod wants to go out.

I pedaled like I've never pedaled before.

Game 1
I arrived to Floyd out of breath and ready to roll. Lucky for me, it was my turn to roll. Perfect timing.

We took a 4-0 lead but in Rod style gave it back. Two 3 spots to the Lism didn't help matters. We lost 7-5.

Game 2
With the score tied at 2, we were handed a golden opportunity to put up a 4 spot which is unheard of against Boccelism. I was in disbelief. But I was in even more disbelief when we couldn't capitalize and only scored two.

No matter. We still won. It just took longer.

Game 3
Jim took over.

In the final frame, we each had one ball left but they had the point.

That is they had the point until Jim went to town. Lism missed and we had the victory!



It was our first victory against Boccelism since November 2007. And it felt nice.

With two games down, we are feeling good. After two seasons in Saturday purgatory, we are back with the cream of the crop on Monday nights. We have already vanquished the team that ended our summer season and now the six time champions.

Could this season finally belong to Rod?

Season Record: 2-0

Three Heartthrobs

Last Monday

This heartthrob died.

This heartthrob stunned the tennis world.

This heartthrob took care of business.
Team Rod over Gowanus Iguanus in 3.

Season Record: 1-0