Dirty Weekend

Athlete Name: Rebecca Orchant

Nickname: Dirty Weekend

Age: 24

Birthplace: Albuquerque, NM. Really.

Began playing bocce when: The good old days.

Training regiment: Always with beer.

What got you into the sport: My love of old Italian men and all that they love.

Where do you find the inspiration: Peer pressure.

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: The skin on chocolate pudding/Open-mouthed chewing.

What do you look for in a set of balls: Groom...edness.

What is your overall bocce philosophy: If you can play it one-handed, I'm in!

Greatest Bocce Moment: Crushing Sean Stewart in the match of a lifetime, sending him on a downward spiral into Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Purely for my own viewing pleasure.

Famous Quote: Oh, BALLS.

Only a Hobo

Athlete Name: Sean Gardner.

Nickname: Only A Hobo.
Age: 27

Birthplace: Somewhere outside of Boston.

Began playing bocce when: Sperm.

Training regiment: With beer.

What got you into the sport: Failure at every other "organized sport."

Where do you find the inspiration: Mockery. Shame. Also, fear.

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: Crying/Douches.

What do you look for in a set of balls: Caked in a thin layer of dust.

What is your overall bocce philosophy: It could have been worse.

Greatest Bocce Moment: I once challenged Rod himself to a game. We toasted a round of Pimms' Cups and rolled our smooth balls 'neath the Sphinx. Between games, he serenaded me with a stirring rendition of "You Put Something Better Inside Me" (it made me feel weird).

Famous Quote: "Define inappropriate."

Sweet Touch

Athlete Name: Erik Courson

Nickname: Sweet Touch
Age: 19

Birthplace: Naples

Began playing bocce when: 3

Training regiment: Thrice weekly

What got you into the sport: My abusive great uncle

Where do you find the inspiration: From within

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: Smooth rolls/drunkards

What do you look for in a set of balls: Pleasure

What is your overall bocce philosophy: Good luck, sucker

Greatest Bocce Moment: When you have the sweetest touch, they’re all great

Famous Quote: Often imitated, never duplicated

Downtrain Train

A Rodster from the very beginning, Mitch took season two off. Season three saw him become our number one cheerleader and season four brought him back to the fold.

Name: Mitch
Age: Double Triples
Birthplace: Baltimore

Began playing bocce: yes

What got you into the sport: peer pressure

Where do you find the inspiration: the back of cereal boxes

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: winning/losing

What do you look for in a set of balls: consistency

What is your overall bocce philosophy: Western

Famous Quote: Some teams are born great, others have greatness rolled upon them.

Young Turk

Athlete Name: Sujan
Nickname: Young Turk
Age: 30
Birthplace: Queens, NY

Began playing bocce: Our team captain was unceremoniously dumped
from the Coffee Flats Terrors after being part of their championship
season and then started a new team with the other two “untouchables.”

Training regiment: kimchi, bloody marys, dancing (poorly)

What got you into the sport: I wanted to lose weight and get into
the shape.

Where do you find the inspiration: My teammates and Keith Hernandez.

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: Making shots / Slowing down the game.

What do you look for in a set of balls: Roundness.

What is your overall bocce philosophy: Don’t roll on an empty stomach.

Greatest Bocce Moment: Making it to the finals of Summer ’06.

Sweet Little Rock and Roller

Athlete Name: Sarah
Nickname: Sweet little rock and roller
Age: 27

Birthplace: New Jersey

Began playing bocce: I just couldn't stand NOT playing

Training regiment: 1 beer

What got you into the sport: Reason to Believe made me believe

Where do you find the inspiration: Rod

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: turn-on: kissing the pallino, turn-off: long warm-up regimens.

What do you look for in a set of balls: the evil eye

What is your overall bocce philosophy: go with your heart

Reason to Believe

Athlete Name: Reason to Believe
Nickname: Reason
Age: old enough to know better
Birthplace: in a Hospital

Began playing bocce: When I was just a pup

Training regiment: $2 Schlitz

What got you into the sport: $2 Schlitz

Where do you find the inspiration: $2 Schlitz

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: $2 Schlitz / slow deliberate bocce play

What do you look for in a set of balls: good veins

What is your overall bocce philosophy: Go with your heart

Greatest Bocce Moment: TBD

Famous Quote: How do you expect to run with wolves, when you spend all day playing with pups?

Balltrap

Athlete Name: Jim
Nickname: Balltrap
Age: 36
Birthplace: Pittsfield, MA

Began playing bocce: 2005

Training regiment: Rolling grapefruits across my kitchen floor nightly.

What got you into the sport: I was in jail, and The Rock came along and
formed a bocce team for especially troubled inmates. I had no choice
but to join.

Where do you find the inspiration: Beer. Sometimes, bourbon.

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: Ons: Rod Stewart's sweet golden voice. Offs: Teams
that take 20 minutes to prepare for each shot. Just roll the damn ball!

What do you look for in a set of balls: It's all about good heft.

Greatest Bocce Moment: Winning the Floyd league championship last
December, in my team's first season.

Handbags and Gladrags

Athlete Name: Dave
Nickname: Handbags & Gladrags
Age: 31
Birthplace: Chocolate City

Began playing bocce: In the womb

Training regiment: Two parts seltzer to one part cranberry juice. Garnish with lime.

What got you into the sport: Great-grandfather was on the gold medal-winning Russian side at the 1928 Amsterdam Olympics.

Where do you find the inspiration: My teammates are the only inspiration I need.

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: Yes.

What do you look for in a set of balls: Good heft and not too dusty.

What is your overall bocce philosophy: Nice and easy…..nice and easy.

Greatest Bocce Moment: Making a 9-year-old cry in front of his parents.

Famous Quote: “Everything changes everything.” -- Earl Weaver

Hot Legs

Athlete Name: Dan
Nickname: Hot Legs
Age: Forever Young
Birthplace: Gasoline Alley

Began playing bocce: When The Small Faces disbanded.

Training regiment: Kick off your shoes and sit right down. Loosen off that pretty French gown.

What got you into the sport: Blonde supermodels

Where do you find the inspiration: The American Songbook

Turn-ons: A well placed ball. I love ya honey!

Turn-offs: Taking forever to roll. Just go with it. Tonight’s the night.

What do you look for in a set of balls: Nice round ones.

What is your overall bocce philosophy: The first cut is the deepest.

Greatest Bocce Moment: December 2006

Famous Quote: I'll bring the red wine. You bring the ludes.

Love Touch

Athlete Name: Beth
Nickname: Love Touch
Age: 30
Birthplace: Bangkok, Thailand

Began playing bocce: July 10th, 2006

Training regiment: Whiskey, potatoes and listening to Van Hagar’s Dreams

What got you into the sport: My love of Jim - The Balltrap

Where do you find the inspiration: George Mitchell

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: Banking / Straight Shooting

What do you look for in a set of balls: Smooth and even texture

What is your overall bocce philosophy: Follow your heart and bank the fuck out of everything.

Greatest Bocce Moment: Once I knocked one of Boccelism’s balls away from the pallino.

Gettin' Hungry

While Floyd puts together their trading cards, I'd like to take this brief lull in the season to present to you the 8 members of the team - complete with trading card info.


Athlete Name: Adam
Nickname: "Gettin' Hungry"
Age: 32
Birthplace: Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin

Began playing bocce when: Spring ‘06

Training regiment: Two hours practice followed by 6 White Castle cheeseburgers

What got you into the sport: There's a lot of sitting and drinking involved

Where do you find the inspiration: Teammates and fans

What do you look for in a set of balls: Smoothness, heft, symmetry

Greatest Bocce Moment: Victory against the Coffee Flats Terrors

Famous Quote: "Let's order some Grimaldi's."

Ladies and Gentlemen, I Present to You

[THIS POST ORIGINALLY APPEARED ON LISTMAKER'S BLOG: Ladies and Gentlemen, I Present to You]

The first games of the brand new season will be this Saturday. The championship winning Coffee Flats Terrors have splintered. Those with an official shirt got to stay. Those who didn't were purged from the records like they never existed.

Thus, a new team. Returning Coffee Flatters include Jim, Mike, and me.

Bottom Row
Youthlarge - Dixie Toot: Can usually be found at the bar eating beer cheese until called into action. Left-handed. The "Tanner Boyle" of "If You Want My Bocce."

Listmaker - Hot Legs: Playing Style - Eddie Murray

Adam - Gettin' Hungry: Hungry not for pizza, nor for burgers. Nothing tastes as sweet as victory on the bocce court.

Middle Row
Mitch - Downtown Train: Please stand clear of the closing doors. This train rolls local AND express.

Alex - Lethal Dose of Love: Combining crude strength and European style, he knows no fear and is prone to brute acts of physical intimidation. He's also dead lucky.

Jim - The Balltrap: If your balls get near mine, there's no telling what might happen

Back Row
Dave - One Part Handbags to Two-and-a-Half Parts Gladrags: I would describe my playing style as "proto-futurist." Greatest accomplishment in the bocce arena-- making a 9-year-old boy cry in front of his parents.

Glen - Down the Gasoline Bocce: My bocce style I would say can be described as “Oops!” Pretty much sums it up.

Elizabeth - Oh God I Wish I Was Home Tonight: From the shores of Rhode Island comes the dexterous wrist action and subtle poise of Ms. Elizabeth B.

Mike - Reason to Believe: Enigma. My bocce style is - Unstoppable

Not Pictured
Skippy - Young Turk: Maybe I’ll show up once, maybe I won’t.

I was at Floyd last night getting in some last minute practicing. I noticed that the trophy Apes had broken at Celebration Night had finally been fixed and returned to its proper place of glory by the court.

The last we had seen the trophy, our team name had been misspelled.

Floyd was terribly embarrassed by this mistake and blamed the trophy maker. They insisted that they would have it fixed. And so they did, I suppose.

I was also happy to see that they had finally added The Coffee Flats picture to the row of championship photos. But upon further inspection, I noticed something quite disheartening.

That's right. Yours truly had been excised from the proceedings. That's me on the far left. You can almost see half of my face. At first, I was upset but then I realized that this made sense.

From the beginning of last season, things just didn't seem right. Cap'n Terror "inadvertently" dropped me from the e-mail list that included such essential information as: 1. The season had indeed started and 2. Who wants a shirt?

Without an official shirt, I was banished from the proud Terrors. But that is okay. I've got Rod Stewart and I know in my heart that I'm still a champion. Oh yeah, our first match with the Terrors will be Feb. 11. I'm not saying that you should come watch. But let me just say, if you don't, I'm not sure you can really call yourself a true fan of sport.