Only a Hobo

Athlete Name: Sean Gardner.

Nickname: Only A Hobo.
Age: 27

Birthplace: Somewhere outside of Boston.

Began playing bocce when: Sperm.

Training regiment: With beer.

What got you into the sport: Failure at every other "organized sport."

Where do you find the inspiration: Mockery. Shame. Also, fear.

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: Crying/Douches.

What do you look for in a set of balls: Caked in a thin layer of dust.

What is your overall bocce philosophy: It could have been worse.

Greatest Bocce Moment: I once challenged Rod himself to a game. We toasted a round of Pimms' Cups and rolled our smooth balls 'neath the Sphinx. Between games, he serenaded me with a stirring rendition of "You Put Something Better Inside Me" (it made me feel weird).

Famous Quote: "Define inappropriate."