If You Want My Bocce vs. Bourbon Balls

Team Rod stumbled into the playoffs having lost two in a row and three of our last four. No matter. We are proven champions when it comes to scaring teams away from even showing up during the playoffs. Veni Vidi Bocce didn't show up because they knew of the carnage that awaited them if they did.

So we confidently strode into the round of 16 without breaking a sweat. Bourbon Balls stood between us and making the round of 8 for the third straight season.

We roared out of the gate and took a quick 5-0 lead in Game 1. Bourbon Balls had no chance. Um, that is until we completely fell flat and lost 7-5. We had our chances to do some things but just couldn't do it.

Game 2 didn't start any better. We fell behind 4-0. What? 11 straight points against us? No matter because of what happened next.

Mike and Sarah took 3 points and then SHR and I finished up the job with a 4 spot. For those keeping score - Couples Skate Night was indeed a rousing success in its IYWMB debut.
Game 3 saw us go down by a score of 5-2. But that was when we started showing our true grit. Mitch's stellar rolls pulled us to within 1 point.

Then things got really interesting. Mike and Beth were rolling well in the next frame but Bourbon Balls were rolling even better. Or so they thought.

We each had 1 ball left. BB had their red ball right up on the pallino. If we didn't gets ours closer (which seemed to be an impossible shot) they had one ball left to close us out. I was praying for Beth to pull out the old "Knock the pallino" off the court and restart gambit. But she did something just as amazing. Her roll was perfect and it sandwiched the pallino between our green and their red. Bourbon Balls couldn't quite believe it. They dropped their last ball in fear and decided to start again.

Mitch and I scored a point to tie it and then Mike and Beth scored another to take a 6-5 lead.

In the next frame, Mitch and I were rolling okay but nothing special. We had one ball left and Bourbon Balls had what seemed like 34 left but it might have only been two or three now that I really think about it. With the precision we've all grown to know and love, Mr. Downtrain Train took that fucking pallino back, back, back Chris Berman style all the way back on his last roll of the frame.

Now it was up to Bourbon Balls to try to avert certain defeat. They couldn't do it with their first efforts. So it came down to the last roll. And this is what happened.

Time to measure. Too close to call.
The verdict? All Rod!


The Po-town Po-llinos are up next. They are the number two seed and they only lost one game all season. They even took down Boccelism giving the three time champs their first loss since July. We should be very very afraid. But guess who gave those Po-llinos their only loss all season? You want a hint?

It Takes Two

Well Rodders, I'm glad I haven't had the chance to post write up for our regular season-ending doubleheader until now. Instead of a long-winded discourse of shoulda, coulda, wouldas, I'm saying, ON TO THE PLAYOFFS!

However, for those keeping score at home here's the ten second recap. We took game one against the Sweet Meats before they came back and tenderized us in games two and three as they did in last season's playoffs. In match two, we went down in two games to Watch Your Balls. In both matches, we put ourselves behind the pallino big time, falling behind 0-6 before mounting furious comebacks that just felt short.

Love,
YL the YT

Who does a girl have to screw around here to get a Rod update?

Last Monday, March 26th, IYWMB faced off against NKOTB (New Kids on the Bocc). They’re a great team, full of raw talent. In fact, on any given Monday they could beat ANYbody out there. And Boccelism, if you’re reading this, I hope they beat you last night. Not so much as an anti-Boccelism thing (some people may make fun of you, but I think it’s cool that you guys have decided to wait – you only lose your virginity once…make sure it’s with someone special!), but as a pro-NKOTB thing. I think they’re awesome and would really love to see them come into their own, but not against Rod of course.

To be honest, I don’t really remember any details from that match. Here’s what I DO know though:

♥ Jim, the Balltrap, was captain for the day. He did an excellent job. He was cool and collected and all of his pairings were extremely complimentary to one another. My favorite pairing of the evening – Young Turk and Downtown Train rolling from the South side in game one. They were unflappable and always managed to come up with the big shots.

♥ I think we won the first game 7-5, or maybe 7-3. Representing Rod were the aforementioned, with Handbags and Gladrags and Reason to Believe at the other end of the court.

♥ Again, not exactly sure about the second game’s score. We either won 7-3 or 7-2. I rolled with Hot Legs from the South side, with the Balltrap and Sweet Little Rock'n'Roller on the North side of the court. In general, I find patting oneself on the back and acting like a self-congratulatory ass to be poor sportsmanship and totally gross, but I’m going to do it anyway because no one else from my team could make a post this week. I was fucking awesome. If you’ve ever met me, you know that I love to bank, but last week I tried something new – straight shooting. And you know what? IT WORKS. My precision shooting earned me the coveted RVP award and I’ve been staring at that album cover all week. In examining it, I saw some amazing wardrobe details that I never even noticed before. Rod enjoys the finer things in life and knows that it’s all in the details.

So that’s it. We were off last night, as the entire league should have been for the first night of Pesach and mass brisket consumption. Next week we have a doubleheader – Sweet Meats at 7:30 and Watch Your Balls at 8:30. Hope to see you there!

Full Hearts, Clear Minds Can Not Lose!

I'm not even sure if that is the line from Friday Night Lights or not but that is what I kept saying last night. Anytime things looked bleak, it was time to bring out the Full Hearts, Clear Minds Can Not Lose mantra. But what works for a fictional high school football team might not work for a Rod inspired bocce team.

Week 4 saw us facing off against the cream of the crop, the New York Yankees of bocce, Boccelism. The three time defending champs. The team that hasn't lost since a time when an actor named Johnny channeled the spirit of a guitarist named Keith to take him box office gold in that long ago time of yesteryear, July 2006.

Was Rod fazed? Fuck no. We knew we could take this team. And we were excited that Dave made his first appearance of the season to cheer us on and he even brought his future bocce superstar son to take in the proceedings.

And when I was told right before the game that two of the members of our worthy opponents had recently met Sir Rod in person just a mere two weeks ago, I began to really angry. What does it mean when the three time champs get to meet Rod before the glorious teammates of If You Want My Bocce get to meet him? Fuck you man! You win three championships in a row AND you get to meet Rod Stewart? Is there nothing left for us?

Fuck yeah, there is. And that is take down these Rod stealing mofos!

Game 1
Jim and me on one end. SHR and Beth on the other.

Fuck! Before we knew it we were down 5-1. We all were rolling decently but that Brian is fucking uncanny. Every second shot he rolled was amazing. Sometimes you have to simply tip your hat at such brilliance and that is what I do to him.

But if there's one thing that doesn't scare Rod, it is coming from behind. In fact, Rod prefers it.

Before they knew what had hit them, we had tied the score at 5. SHR made a precision strike at one juncture to add another point to our tally and we were on our way.

But before we knew it, Boccelism regrouped and finished us off 7-5.

Game 2
Mitch and Adam on one end. Mike and Sarah on the other.

This game was all Mike and Sarah. Literally. After a disastrous first frame that set us back 4-0, Mike and Sarah went to town. They scored two quick points to get us back in the game at 4-2.

Then Adam atoned for his first frame mistakes by stealing a point back from Boccelism when they had two points. Instead of facing a tough 6-2 score, we were only down 5-2. That was key, I believe, in keeping us focused. Full Hearts, Clear Minds Can Not Lose!

Mike and Sarah notched two more points and the score was 5-4.

Again, Mitch and Adam rolled well but were only able to keep Boccelism from notching the final nail. The score was 6-4 but gosh darnit Full Hearts, Clear Minds Can Not Lose!

Mike and Sarah donned their scrubs again and again commenced on their surgical strikes and finished off The Evil Empire with a threespot. Final score 7-6.

For those keeping score at home, yes, Mike and Sarah did indeed score all 7 points. It was beautiful. Yes, Mike and Sarah took care of things on their end but to Mitch and Adam's credit, they played very well after the first frame. They didn't fall apart after the terrible first frame. They played nice defensive ball holding Brian and Co. to only two points. Two points that they had to fight and claw for. Two points only, allowing Mike and Sarah to do their thing. It was Rod at its best.

Game 3
Rod at its best is not what I can say about this game. I still believe that Full Hearts, Clear Minds Can Not Lose but for a variety of reasons, I'm not sure if Team Rod went into Game 3 with the clear minds aspect of the Friday Night Lights mantra.

Mike and Sarah didn't have a chance to shine but at least they only gave up one point. Jim and I, on the other hand, didn't do so hot. Yes, we did allow 6 points. It was over and done with in three frames. Completely terrible. 7-0.

But overall, I'm happy with the match. We played tough and came from behind twice. Both of the first two games could have gone either way. And I firmly believe that if we had somehow held Boccelism to only one point in that embarrassing last frame where they put up a fourspot on us, we would have come from behind to take the damn thing. Because Rod does like it from behind. We have proven that again and again.

For now, our record falls to 3-1 but I'm proud of my fellow Rodsters. All heart.

Rod loves Jews and Christians alike - especially the hot ones.

As we enter the second full week of Lent, Rod would like to share some tips from his old friend, bocce mentor and spiritual advisor - Father Guido Sarducci. And no, Rod has not given up tapping ass for Lent.

Also, I noticed that there is league play on Monday, April 2nd. That's the first night of Passover for chrissake! I hope someone at Floyd remembers to hide the afikoman from the littlest bocce player that night...

Rod Now 3-0; Prepare to Get Hit with Train Analogy

Rod is 3-0 in the season after defeating the Po-town Po-llinos last night. But victory didn't come easy.

Have you ever entered a subway station only to hear the announcement that, in order to go your stop of choice, you'll first have to take an uptown train to the next express station and catch a downtown train going back?

That's what last night was like. First, we kept blowing our initial shots. But like true hot Rods schlepping to the uptown express stations, we went long distance on our subsequent rolls. So much so that we handily won the first set 7 to 1.

The crap-first-shot-but-great-subsequent-shot routine carried through to our second set, where we racked up 5 points quite quickly.

But then our downtown train got stuck in a tunnel and we had to watch as the Po-llinos crept past us on the other track. And oh, how their triumphant faces annoyed us as they stared through the scrachiti-etched windows of their victory train.

But we were patient, and soon the conductor, Cap'n "Hot Legs" Dan, had us heading in the right direction, ekeing out victory one point at a time, holding the Po-Towners off by playing it close and conservative.

RVP: Jim "Ball Trap"
Final (Rod vs. Po-town): 7-1, 5-7, 7-2

If You Want My Bocce vs. The Notorious BRF

Week 2

Oy vey. Team Rod knew that we might have some problems with games running late when we decided to make the move to Monday nights. But we thought that a few missed moments of sleep on Tuesday mornings was a small price to pay to ensure that we escaped having to play the Coffee Flats Terrors again anytime soon.

When we looked at the schedule for this past Monday, we realized that we had our first of 4 (!) 9:30 matches out of 7 overall. "Oh well, maybe it won't go that late," we hoped. Plus we were heartened to see that the Human Rain Delays of bocce, Boccelism, weren't playing on this night. So how late could it possibly go?

The answer - plenty late.
At 10:50, we suited up for our 9:30 match against the Notorious BRF.

Game 1 Squad: The Balltrap Jim, Love Touch Beth, Sweet Little Rock and Roller Sarah, and Young Turk SHR.

The BRF rolled really well and showed us that they were going to be a formidable opponent. We weren't getting the lucky rolls and things looked bad. They scored three single points to take a 3-0 lead.

Then The Balltrap and Love Touch turned it on and put us on the board for the first time of the evening at 3-2.

But the rest of the game just didn't go well for us and we fell 7-3.

Game 2 Squad: The Balltrap Jim, Downtrain Train Mitch, Reason to Believe Mike, and yours truly, Hot Legs.

We finally began to hit our stride. Team Rod rolled inconsistently in Game 1 but had shown signs of life by the end of the game. Still, it was too little too late. In Game 2, it was too much too soon for the ladies of the BRF.

Reason to Believe brought the confidence. The Balltrap continued to hone his ballhandling skills of the night, Downtrain Train fortified his position as Mr. Unflappable in only his second match back in the green, and I didn't completely suck.

Game 2 Score: 7-1 Rod
Movie of the final shot where the BRF needed to get closer to the pallino to avert defeat and couldn't quite pull it off. It almost breaks my heart to watch the excitement on the face of one of our opponents as she hopes for the best.

Game 3 Squad: The same as Game 2 but Young Turk SHR subbed back in for Downtrain Train.

We all rolled well. Hot Legs got his game legs back, The Balltrap dominated, and RTB and Young Turk cruised.

Game 3 Score: 7-2 Rod

Co-RVP's: The Balltrap and Reason to Believe. As Rod inscribed on the hardware, "You guys did it - together!"

Season record: 2-0

No one dominated. We all made some mistakes but we all also made at least one very good shot when push came to shove.

My favorite shot of the night: In Game 2, Reason to Believe Mike had accidentally turned a 1 point frame into a 2 point frame for the BRF. Calm, cool, and collected, Downtrain Train made quite the impressive shot and almost gave us back control. It didn't work out that way but he did save us a point. It was early in the game, we had a 4-0 lead, and two points in that situation might have really given the BRF the fortitude to come back on Rod. Instead, it was merely 4-1.

The game ended at 12:20. Way way too late. I still don't understand why Floyd can't expand to having league play on both Mondays and Tuesdays. I also don't understand why they can't turn up the heat a little. The $5 Yuenglings aren't bringing in enough cash to pay the heating bills?

Today I was able to reschedule two of our three remaining 9:30 matches for Monday, April 9 at a more reasonable hour.

For the record, this is what Tom of The Sweet Meats had to say about our 4/9 match. "I'll of course have to reprint the posters I'd had made up to advertise our rematch of last year's playoff battle, but this is what marketing budgets are for."

Truer words have never been spoken.

Just make sure you choose a beautiful picture of Rod for your posters.

Rod is Rock & Roll's Worst Nightmare

You might think that I'm referring to outfits like this, right?But I really am referring to last night's opening night action that pitted If You Want My Bocce vs. Rock & Roll Nightmare.

Match 1 of the Year of Rod

Almost a full showing. We were eight strong for Match 1. We were quite pleased to see Mitch (Downtrain Train) roll back into Rod Station for '07. Skippy who once pretended he wanted to be a Rod even showed up to cheer us on.

The only missing Rod was Handbags & Glad Rags Dave who was otherwise preoccupied with his two-day-old son. That is right, Dave and Jen are the proud parents of a future bocce All-Star. I don't even know the kid's name yet so until I hear otherwise, his name will be Baby Rod.

Dave and Jen join former Rodsters Oh God I Wish I Was Home Tonight Beth and Lethal Dose of Love Alex in parenthood. If you need further proof that '07 is the Year of Rod, there have been two babies born to Rodsters just in the past three weeks. Top that, the virgins of Boccelism!
Anyway, the first game went well. Young Turk SHR kicked much butt with some precision rolling and we won 7-0. During the middle of the first game, we all were wondering if the mystery man of If You Want My Bocce was going to show up. And he did. Ready to rumble. All hail Gettin' Hungry Slice.
The second game featured some fine ballhandling skills by the aforementioned Gettin' Hungry and the triumphant bocce return of Downtrain Train. To cap off his return to If You Want My Bocce, Downtrain Train nailed the winning roll. Final score: 7-0

RVP: Young Turk for setting the tone of domination for the night. Young hearts be free tonight indeed!

Monday Night: You have officially been put on notice that 2007 is the Year of Rod.

In the Past Hour, Two Different Coffee Flats Terrors Sent Me This Link

Rod Forever!Rod is the undisputed king of all leisure sports. You know it. We know it. Everyone knows it.

The first game of The Year of Rod is less than 22 short hours away.

Spring 2007 Schedule

The Rods have moved to Monday night! So, if you're tired of playing with the pups and want to run with the wolves, come hang with us at Floyd at the following times:

January 29th at 19:30 (vs. Rock and Roll Nightmare)

February 5th at 21:30 (vs. Notorious BRF)

February 12th at never (vs. no one) because we have a bye

February 19th at never (vs. no one) because everybody has a bye

February 26th at 19:30 (vs. Watch Your Balls!!)

March 5th at 21:30 (vs. the Po-town Po-llinos)

March 12th at 21:30 (vs. America's favorite virgins - BOCCELISM)

March 19th at 21:30 (vs. clandestine tofurky eaters - the Sweet Meats)

March 26th at 19:30 (vs. New Kids on the Bocc)

April 2nd at never (vs. no one) because we have a bye

April 9th at never (vs. no one) because everybody has a bye

April 16th at never (vs. no one) because we have a bye

April 28th and 29th - PLAYOFFS

May 5th and 6th - FINALS

May 7th, all day and all night, some well deserved R and R for Rod:

Photo-composite of the playoffs / Happy Holidays from Rod

Well, ok, we never did get to sit on Homer Fink's face.

It All Started So Well

What happened? After taking a decisive Game 1 victory by the score of 7-0, everyone's favorite scruffy bocce squad, If You Want My Bocce, went down hard in this past weekend's playoffs. 7-0 and 7-1.

I've spent the better part of the past 48 hours dissecting where I went wrong as captain. And I've figured it out. I'll come out stronger and more ready to lead next season. I'm proud of my squad. Even when we were down 6-0 in Game 3, I thought we might be able to pull it out. Then it was 6-1 and The Sweet Meats were going to be dead meat. But it wasn't meant to be.

Instead, The Sweet Meats showed the heart of champions and the eye of the tiger and they destroyed us. How do you lose the first game 7-0 and then come back and decimate? It was a thing of beauty.


Team Rod decided to go drown its misery in Grimaldi's pizza. By the time we arrived back to Floyd, the final that no one wanted was underway. Boccelism vs. ODB. Snooze.

Once again, Boccelism won. Again. 3 in a row. The Yankees this team is. A juggernaut. The cream of the crop.

Too bad for them that they are not universally loved and had to import non-bocce folks to root for them. They were sick of the booing that they had to endure during the last championship victory over Team Rod. Oh well, I'm sure they would choose to be feared rather than loved.

2006 was the year of the Boccelism. 2007 will be all Rod.

The would have been RVP if we had won - Young Turk.

Final Record: 8-2
Good but not good enough.

Also over the past week, we found out that many of the bocce squads out there read this blog. Join the fun. Leave comments. Don't lurk in the shadows anymore waiting to see what kind of barbs we might throw your way.

And for the record, Gettin' Hungry would like to let the Sweet Meats know that steak is not a sweet meat and that you should plan your merchandise accordingly.

The spring season is just around the corner. And it will be an exciting one. Downtrain Train will once again be pulling into Rod Station which is a great thing. We missed him. We also have other Rod inspired tricks up our collective sleeves, but you all will just have to wait and see. Now that we know that our blog is so well read, some secrets must be kept.

All Hail Rod

All Rod, All the Time

As the playoffs loom, Team Rod feels relaxed and ready to take on the best that Brooklyn bocce has to offer. We are primed for victory.

If we win, should we take the limo here?

If that proves too pricey, it is a definite that we all get together sometime soon and watch this. I'd like to thank the once and future Rod, "Downtrain Train," for forwarding that tasty bit of information.

Also, I'd like to share this nice comment on the Beeyotcees blog about us. Liz says:

If You Want My Bocce could be my favorite team to play. I mean, they're competitive but friendly, they wear bright green shirts, they're mild-mannered but silly, they display Rod Stewart memorabilia, and I'm pretty sure I heard them quietly playing some Rod tunes on an mp3 player or a cell phone or something. They're so cheesy and adorable that I can't help but like them, even though I want to hate them for winning.

Yes, that was "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" on Reason to Believe's cellphone. This is the second time that Team Rod has been called cheesy. Maybe in both cases, the word that was meant to be used was classy. Because, of course, Rod is all class.

Finally, I received a message in my inbox the other day from the team captain of our first opponent this Saturday, the Sweet Meats. No words, but only this.


At first, I wasn't sure what the message that Cap'n Sweet Meat was trying to convey. But the more I thought about it, the more obvious it became to me.

It is actually quite simple. Rod is a man. Spelled M-A-N. Rod is a carnivore.

The Sweet Meats will be devoured on 12-16-06 by Rod. Thanks for the image, Cap'n Sweet Meat. You have now very much whetted Rod's appetite.

Saturday looms.

Rods Bless Us. So Say We All.

The dream match of IYWMB vs. Homer Fink never materialized as a determined Mamalukes team took them out in three games. We started our match against the 'Lukes like a bunch of malfunctioning cylons. Perhaps we were having download problems. Or maybe we were experiencing true emotions and you know what happens when cylons think they are human. They go crazy!!! After a blink, we were already down 0-6, with the Rods giving up 3 points each in the first two sides. Our Team Rod Team Philosophy was passed out in a back alley somewhere.

The Balltrap and Love Touch started the comeback run by putting up a hard-fought point on our side of the chalkboard. Reason to Believe and yours truly, the Young Turk, furthered the rally with a perfect 4 point side, which was set up by a well-placed first roll by RTB. So it was 5-6, we felt we got our crazy rolls out of the way and we could feel victory. Then it all went bananas. These stupid carrollers showed up! Whose brilliant idea was that? Was it a prank? We're in the middle of a bocce tournament for crissakes, Whiffenpoofs! Take your fucking a cappella nonsense somewhere else! I heard they were asking for tips, which I hope was going to a charity, rather than a fund to buy more sheet music.

We had the last ball with the game on the line. All the other reds and greens were clustered together, with the Mamalukes' red ball a hair closer to the pallino. Love Touch wanted to know what the situation was before rolling. If any one of our green balls were closer, it would have effected the game plan. A member of the Mamalukes' cheering section didn't understand this and felt the need to harass LT about it. WTF? Are you even on a team, Missy Bocce Strategy Questioner? And if you were, wouldn't you want to know this yourself? Alas, it was a tough shot and we missed it and the game went with the Lukies.

Game Two was anchored by the solid, steady play of RTB, the eventual RVP, as well as the clutch duo of Senor Gladrags and Captain Hot Legs. It was another tense game, with the Rods pulling out a 7-4 victory. We weren't about to let the Mamalukes score the biggest upset of the tournament.

We pulled out a game three win to take the match despite some shaky rolling. Our opponents were placing their balls perfectly, working the craggy terrain to their benefit. I, on the other hand, had balls making crazy 90 degree left turns. It was back and forth, which both teams gifting points. With the game tied at 5-all, RTB and Gladrags closed it out with a two point side, thank the Rods.

On to the next round, where IYWMB play the fourth seed, The Sweet Meats (nice merch, by the way). It should be a tight match.

RVP: Reason To Believe for giving us a Reason to LIVE!
Special Honorary RVP: "Sweet Touch" Courson for being a good friend and cheerleader.

Homer Fink Better Watch Out!

Nevermind the Terrors of Coffee Flats. Nevermind the championship squad of Boccelism. Nevermind the bragging of Cobra Kai.

Rod has a bigger bone to pick.

After publicizing our little blog and setting The Balltrap off into full angst mode, it looks like we just might be playing Homer Fink and his crew in the second round of the playoffs. Provided, of course, that they can win.

Rod has promised to sit on the face of each and every member of Homer Fink's Brigate Bocce if the matchup happens.

We have a bye in the first round and are the number five seed. The number one seed - The Old Dirty Barristers have byes in the first two rounds. If Rod had been undefeated, he'd be very curious as to how they were chosen as the number one seed when there were other undefeated teams. Interesting.

We can't play CFT until the Final Four or Boccelism / Cobra Kai unless it is for the championship. Rod's only regret is that he can't beat both Boccelism and Cobra Kai on the way to full Rod glory!

Rod Has No Use For Excessive Force

He always gets his way with a little bit of sweet talk and a whole lot of oh yeah.

Down 6-2 in the first game to Excessive Force, Team Rod wasn't fazed. Hot Legs whispered to Love Touch, "Reason to Believe and Sweet Little Rock and Roller are going to score two points here and then we'll close it out with three more." And that is exactly what happened.

Final score:
7-6

Game 2 was no problem for Rod.
7-0 Team Rod

RVP: Love Touch who absolutely dominated after she went back to her banking ways.

Final Regular Season Record
7-1

Hopefully, we'll have a bye in the first round. If not, some 31st ranked team is going to be in big trouble. Big trouble.

The Power of Rod Compelled Us

Last night at Floyd, Love Touch and I (The Balltrap) had an amazing run. We were on the court together for over three hours, maybe closer to four. The scene was livelier than usual, with movie stars, reality-TV stars, cheering and jeering Australians, Coffee Flats Terrors, and cute guys that we have crushes on who finally beat us at around 1 am.

It all started in an uncrowded bar early in the evening, with Love Touch and Hot Legs beating Sweet Lil Rock 'n Roller and Reason to Believe. Then Gladrags stepped in and he and Hot Legs beat some random people. Then I joined up with Hot Legs and we beat a couple who had never played before. The woman made some uncannily good shots; the guy was relatively obnoxious--for example, at one point he yelled loudly to distract me while I was taking a shot. Boccelism superstars Brian and Ezra were coaching these two. I hear from my sources that they were telling them to go short on us because we can't play the short game. After taking care of these novices, Hot Legs and I faced Brian and Ezra and turned their own advice against them, beating them both long and short. It was a tough, hard-fought victory, but it felt good to exorcise some demons from that 7-0, 7-1 summer season final, the much closer spring season playoff match that we almost took, and many beatings on regular nights at the bar.

Then it was time for Love Touch to step back on the court, taking over for the possibly inebriated Hot Legs. Everything is starting to blur for me now, because we played so many damn times. All I know is, after LT and I won our first game together, Brian and Ezra were back on the court already, having signed up two spots down from where they first signed up. So there we were again against this formidable enemy that has caused us so much grief, wondering if twice in one night was too much to hope for. The final score was either 7-3 or 7-4. We closed it out with three simultaneous points and sent them packing for the night.

LT and I were both on fire at various times. She made some incredible shots that bailed me out when I was playing shitty, so we balanced out well.

By this point, unusual things were happening around the court. For one, I came this close to titling this post "Brokebocce Mountain": Hot Legs was not the only HL in attendance, as Heath Ledger was there with some friends. Beth and I were referring to this whole group of people who seemed to be with him, but I'm not sure if they all were, as "the Australians." I only know for sure that this one other dude we played against was an Aussie. I didn't hear anybody else talk.

Heath told me that he was there to research a role for a movie based on a true story. Giuseppe Frappatoli was a bocce champion in 1920s Italy who lost his rolling arm in an agricultural accident, then his wealthy and beautiful fiancee left him because she didn't want a one-armed husband. With a grueling course of training overseen by a grizzled old mentor named Silvio Bertucci, he learned to use his other arm, fell in love with a sweet, poor, one-eyed girl, and won a bocce gold medal in the 1928 Olympics (it was an exhibition sport).

OK, I made all that up. I didn't talk to Heath, but Love Touch was excited to be told by him that she has a "delicate touch." Her nickname fits! I was hoping we would get to play against him, but apparently it was taking too long to get to where he was on the list, so he went home. Hopefully he will be back another time as he seemed like a nice guy. While I was trying maybe too conspicuously to not look directly at him, I did catch him clapping for me and LT out of the corner of my eye, and that was exciting.

"The Australians," clustered around the court at the back of the bar, were definitely in our corner against the Lisms. And they seemed to be rooting for us to do well for maybe one or two games after that. But then our winning ways grew tiresome and they turned against us. I don't even know if it was the same bunch of people who were there when Heath Ledger was there, but by midnight people were booing us. By then, we were ready to go, but I was trying to hold out to play some Terrors, though that didn't end up happening. The most important thing was that it felt good to be playing well since the reason we were there was to practice, with our last match on Saturday and the playoffs in another week.

This morning, as I was contemplating our transformation from heroes to villains in the eyes of the crowd, I thought of a strategy for next time: if we've won two or three in a row, maybe ask the next two people on the list if it's OK for us to take a break from the court, let them play each other, and then step back on to play the winner. Some people might not go for that but it might be worth a try. Or maybe the answer is for Erik and Dani to build a bocce court in the back yard of their store. We could get heat lamps out there for the winter and have all Terrors-IYWMB action, all the time. I would totally chip in for construction and maintenance costs.

The guys who finally beat us last night were at Floyd about a month ago on another Love Touch-Balltrap "reign of Rodness" night. We beat them twice that time. They had never played before, and their instinct was to roll/throw really hard every time. Last night they showed some serious improvement and newly learned subtlety. They shellacked us 7-3. They were crediting us with teaching them how to play and being their mentors, so I likened it to when Darth Vader strikes down Obi Wan Kenobi, with the important exception that Darth Vader is evil, and they are good guys.

This Saturday, Excessive Force better be ready for a focused and finely tuned Rod squad.

A Tough Match

Match 7 of this fine Fall Season was an interesting one. Almost a little too interesting. The Beeyotcces took a 4-1 lead in the first game. Team Rod came roaring back on the stength of the strong play of Young Turk to take a 5-4 lead. Unfortunately, we couldn't close it out and two straight wallballs led to a 3 point frame and a 7-5 Game 1 defeat.

Game 2 saw the Beeyotcces take a 3-0 lead. Team Rod began to get worried. I mean, the Beeyotcces couldn't even field a whole team and had to recruit a soccer fan at the bar to play with them and we were losing? However, it turned out that the ringer they stumbled upon is known in parts of TN as a skeeball champion.

And apparently, skeeball skills translate well to the bocce court.

Oh well, no matter.

Team Rod is too damn strong. We went on a run of dominance and the Beeyotcces didn't know what hit them. 7 straight points and Game 2 was ours 7-3. Reason to Believe, Sweet Little Rock and Roller, Young Turk, and yours truly all rolled really really well.

In Game 3, I stayed with the same team from Game 2. We took a quick 5-0 lead and I thought that would be it. But the Beeyotcces have a lot of heart. They came back to tie the game at 5. What was happening?

Fortunately, we found it within us to scratch out two more points, one at a time, and we won 7-5.

It was one of the most tense matches we've played all season. We felt good to be able to notch another victory against such strong competition. The Beeyotcces rolled really well. We were pretty good. We all made a few mistakes here and there but when push came to shove, Team Rod emerged victorious again.

RVP: Sweet Little Rock and Roller
Although Young Turk and, dare I say it, Hot Legs, could have easily taken the 12 inches of Rod as well.

Moment where it all began to turn around: When Reason to Believe busted out the Rod on his cellphone.

Record: 6-1

Young Turk

Athlete Name: Sujan
Nickname: Young Turk
Age: 30
Birthplace: Queens, NY

Began playing bocce: Our team captain was unceremoniously dumped
from the Coffee Flats Terrors after being part of their championship
season and then started a new team with the other two “untouchables.”

Training regiment: kimchi, bloody marys, dancing (poorly)

What got you into the sport: I wanted to lose weight and get into
the shape.

Where do you find the inspiration: My teammates and Keith Hernandez.

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: Making shots / Slowing down the game.

What do you look for in a set of balls: Roundness.

What is your overall bocce philosophy: Don’t roll on an empty stomach.

Greatest Bocce Moment: Making it to the finals of Summer ’06.

Sweet Little Rock and Roller

Athlete Name: Sarah
Nickname: Sweet little rock and roller
Age: 27

Birthplace: New Jersey

Began playing bocce: I just couldn't stand NOT playing

Training regiment: 1 beer

What got you into the sport: Reason to Believe made me believe

Where do you find the inspiration: Rod

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: turn-on: kissing the pallino, turn-off: long warm-up regimens.

What do you look for in a set of balls: the evil eye

What is your overall bocce philosophy: go with your heart