Rod Loves Windmills

It was time to play. Hot Legs called out "Minigolf!" "Minigolf!" But there was no answer. Was it yet another team that was too afraid to feel the full fury of Rod? It did indeed seem that way.

So Team Rod started a scrimmage against New Kids on the Bocc (they must have thought that Floyd was Union Hall). This time with nothing but pride on the line, we began the scrimmage.

We didn't get too far when cries of "Hey we're Minigolf and ready to play" began ringing out through the vaunted halls of Floyd NY. It turns out that Minigolf were sitting at the bar and didn't hear my calls for them. And so it began. Better late than never.

They were good. But Rod was better. Much better. Minigolf might be a team to be reckoned with very soon but for now, Fall '06 is proving to be all Rod, all the time.

We took the first game 7-3. In the second game, we were down 4-1 before storming back and taking it 7-4. A 4 point frame from Gettin' Hungry and yours truly was the nail in Minigolf's coffin.

RVP: After shrugging off team philosophy to poor results in the first frame of the day, Handbags And Gladrags dominated the day. The Terrors may have a player who dresses as Maverick but we have our very own renegade sans jumpsuit. An RVP kind of renegade.

Record: 5-1

We have next week off. I might start posting our individual player profiles in the meantime.

don't let them put you down, don't let 'em push you around

Good Luck Rods!



xo
yl the yt

Aw Shucks, We're Just Happy to Be Able to Share the Same Court With Such Brilliance

After quaking in fear at the mere thought of playing The Terrors from Coffee Flats in our first season, If You Want My Bocce has finally come of age.

Sure, we beat them in the playoffs last year but flukes can happen, right? If you listened to any of the Flatters after that defeat, the only reason they lost was because, um, I can't remember what their reason was. Maybe it was because they had to wait a long time or something after beating Cobra Kai? Oh yeah, that was it. Ok, nevermind that we had had been sitting around ourselves all day before playing. But whatever makes one feel better I suppose.

Still, the Terrors are top notch and a team to be reckoned with. As I've contended for a long time, no one thinks our team of castoffs and fresh faces is any good. Fair enough. The Terrors still didn't think much of us even after we ended their summer season.

When our match began on Saturday, we were all relaxed. Gone was any team tension. We have come together as a group. Even when we were down 5-1 in the first game, no one was too worried. And then the magic began. The turning point was a beautiful smash-up by Reason to Believe Mike that gave us three points. The Balltrap Jim and I added two more quick points (and blew the chance to put it away with our last two rolls) before Sweet Little Rock and Roller Sarah put the Terrors out of their misery with coldhearted precision.

7-5 Rod

In Game 2, Dani Terror (who by the way can't even get her name listed on the Terrors blog) blew us all away. Holy mother of God she dominated. We played okay. We didn't make any terrible mistakes or anything but Dani and the gang were just too much for us.

7-2 Terrors

The decisive Game 3 arrived quickly. I decided to put the Game 1 squad back on the court. This also allowed me to keep Mike in there and for good reason - he was rolling the best and we all did, in fact, need a reason to keep believing. All of Team Rod was happy to see that Cap'n Terror took out his hot hand by putting Dani on the bench.

The Balltrap took the last match for himself and dominated the hell out of it. While Reason to Believe and Sweet Little Rock and Roller were solid, they were outscored 0 to 3 on their end. But Jim all by his lonesome took it to the bad guys. Two amazing frames gave us 6 points.

Then it was up to me in the last frame. After an incredible Sweet Touch roll that staved off a Terrors defeat brought the score to 6-3 Rod, it was up to Jim and me. And we did the job. I saved my best roll of the day for the end. It set up Balgavy as the final chance for the Terrors much as Sweet Touch had just been a few minutes before. Unlike Sweet Touch, Turkey Terror couldn't do it and the victory was ours! Our record against our old teammates has been evened at 2.

7-3 Rod

Coffee Flats Terrors: All Class, All the Time

After the game, the Coffee Flatters still couldn't bring themselves to believe that Team Rod was actually any good. Read what they have to say. Go ahead, try to find one positive word about their opponents. Not there to be found.

When they lose, it is because they didn't roll well. It has nothing to do with their opponent. It has nothing to do with their opponent rolling well and putting the pressure on them. Even the phrase "It was up to me to make a final, almost impossible shot, to keep us in the game," doesn't make any mention why it was an impossible shot for them. Not because it was a good roll by Hot Legs, I presume, but simply that the Terrors beat themselves.

This is all fine. You don't have to respect us. We'll keep doing our thing. We have respect for you, even when we beat you. In fact, if you take a look at what was written after we lost to the Terrors for the second time, all those many months ago, it was clear that we had respect, perhaps too much respect and fear, for the Terrors.

Now the Terrors are left to question what went wrong, why they can't beat a clearly inferior team. They are left grasping at straws. In fact, one of the better comments to come out of this whole thing is now I'm being ridiculed for leaving in my hottest player of the day to play all three games on Saturday. I suppose it would have been fair if I had taken him out, you know to give the clearly superior team a fighting chance against us. Duly noted.

Record: 4-1

Park Slope Gastronome on the victory meal. Coincidentally, the last time we beat the Terrors, uh, I mean the last time the Terrors somehow made too many mistakes to hand us the victory, we also went to Grimaldi's.

Two Movies:

Movie 1:
Down 6-2 in Game 3, Sweet Touch has to pull out a miracle to snatch victory from our clutches. He does. Sorry that I didn't get the rollback on the ball but I wanted to get a good reaction shot. After the crazy cheering by the Terrors, Cap'n Terror was overheard telling his team to act like they had "been there" before.
The Endy Chavez Moment

Movie 2:
Down 6-3, Turkey Terror has one last chance. He is unsuccessful. Team Rod celebrates in a "We've been here before" kind of fashion. Thanks for the advice Cap'n Terror.
Some Teams Have All the Luck

The Balltrap took home the Rod LP as our first ever RVP - which somehow stands for Most Valuable Rod. While he didn't fully begin to shine until Game 3, he directly led to 6 of the 7 points in the decisive game. Well done, Balltrap. Who will take home the Rod this Saturday?

In a Week Where Rod Stewart Had the Number One CD in the Land, How Could We Lose?

I haven't met all of the new teams (granted two of them were too lame to even show up to face us) but how can anyone be nicer than the Cleveland Steamers? Mild-mannered yet competitive, these newbies took us for all we were worth on Saturday.


For the second straight week, If You Want My Bocce played short-handed. Only Love Touch was loyal enough to make it to matches each of the past two weeks. If I had actually gotten my Rod MVP idea off the ground, she would definitely deserve the Rod LP of the week for showing up to both matches.

Love Touch and Young Turk played well together. Yours truly and the Balltrap were inconsistent but pulled it together when it mattered most.

In Game 1, we almost blew a 5-0 early lead but held onto win 7-6. In Game 2, we came from a 6-2 hole to win 7-6. The Cleveland Steamers bought us some beer and we all toasted the good cheer of everyone involved. Up next, the Coffee Flats Mercenaries.

Record: 3-1

Well, Sometimes Team Rod is Stoppable

And last Saturday was one of those times. Team Rod was short four vital players (three were attending the nuptials of a friend and we lost one to the law that day), but the four remaining players felt cool, confident and ready to take on the Kai. One of my teammates told me my hair looked nice, so I was feeling good!

So we took to the court and really gave the Kai a run for their money. We all rolled pretty well and to be honest, I thought we were going take the first set (Is that what it's even called? When playing bocce, I like to use tennis terminology - game, set, match. Is this wrong?). But alas, we didn't and took a 7 to 5 loss. Sadly, after we lost Big Mo we just never regained our composure. Yeah, Cobra Kai spanked us - 7 to 1. Ouch. I have to say, I'm disappointed. I really think we could have beaten them, but victory just wasn't in the cards for Rod that day.

Afterward, while smoking a cigarette, I was shat on by a flying rat, which is supposed to be good luck. Well, where were you BEFORE the match, stupid pigeon?!

Team Rod is Unstoppable

Especially when four of our past six opponents have been too afraid to face us.

This past Saturday, it was New Kids on the Bocc who refused to show up. If I were those jokers, I'd be afraid to face Rod too.

Rod Demands Respect

If You Want My Bocce continues to get disrespected by the Bocce Elite. That is okay though. Because three of our past five matches have seen our foes too afraid to even show up and take us on.

In a scrimmage against one of our many soon to be victims, we won two games to one.

If You Want My Bocce - 1 Victory
The rest of the league - Who cares?

Fall Season Will Be All Rod

And maybe a fat lady in pink. But it will definitely not have anything to do with Robin Williams.

If You Want My Bocce

And you think we're sexy.
Come on sugar, let us know.

Waiting, Beating, Losing, and Gouging

We sat around all day. The two teams we were supposed to play were too afraid of the Rod terror that awaited them.

We watched Argus almost pull out a miracle over Lism as they like to be called.

We watched the Terrors destroy Cobra Kai. So much for world domination.

We were loose, we were limber, we were ready to beat the Terrors for the first time.

We did, taking them down in two frames.

Then it was time for the defending champs. It could have been a matchup of the last two champs but instead it was Rod Time.

Unfortunately, we were out quicker than the radio edit of "Infatuation." We weren't a match for the dominating play of the champs. We were smoked.

We drowned our sorrows in team name awards and pizza.



Rod Playoff MVP Jim holds the team trophy proudly. He came up with the team name so he is the lucky one who gets to display the hardware in his apartment. Congratuations Jim!


Balgavy continues the sulk even after four slices of delicious pizza.

Slice's take.
Slice's flickr from which I stole three of these photos.
The Park Slope Gastronome

Still no word from the Terrors yet.

Last season, we went 5-7. This one, we went 5-3 and made it to the finals. We finally got the Terrors monkey off of our backs. Now, we know what task awaits. Boccelism. They have taken us out in each of the last two playoffs. We can beat them even if it takes 23 team conferences per frame. We had the crowd on our side against them but we were so bad that we couldn't get them fully behind us to make a difference. Next season, the championship will be ours. At the very least, some good pizza can be ours.

UPDATE
Youthlarge's take on the day's events.

Rod Loves Social Networking Sites

IYWMB has a profile up on MySpace. Check it out.

Split Decision

The lesson of tonight was a tried and true one: you win some, you lose some. IYWMB took down Jonny Cakes in three games, dominating the last one 7-0. But I think it took a lot out of us. Against Boccelism in the second match of our doubleheader, we played hard but they just had too much ammunition. It was a fun night, and we all played decently well. Adam was the MVP, with some crazy accurate shots and unwavering confidence. We tried some different combinations of players, kept things relaxed and loose, and didn't take ourselves too seriously (unlike certain opponents who take a half hour conference to figure out each shot).

We finished out the season 4-2, having lost only to the two finalists from last season's tournament. That's a solid improvement over last season's record. We should have a decent seeding in the tournament. Whatever happens there, we did ourselves proud in the regular season. And we still have the best team name and best t-shirts, regardless of whether some other lame-os win "best team name" this time again.

If You Want My Dinkins

Earlier tonight, or I suppose last night, technically speaking, If You Want My Bocce took on last season's "Best Team Name" winner, Mayor Ed Boch. I would like to point out that not one of them asked me "hey, how ya doin'?", to which I would have responded "I'm doin' fine", like the good New Yorker that I am. Humph. Anyway, we beat them 7-2, 7-5. I would go into more detail, but it was fairly uneventful.

Despite the absence of our fearless leader and his lovely wife, we all rolled pretty well. To be honest, I wasn't too pleased with my own performance, but I thought we did really well as a team. Sarah, who is an even rookier rookie than I am, was phenomenal. She came up big for us a bunch of times (photographic evidence of this coming soon).

So next week we're off and then we have a doubleheader on August 7th, where we will face off against Jonny Cakes and last season's champions, Boccelism. Unfortunately, I'll be on vacation, so I won't be there to see Captain Boccelism feel the full weight of all that is Rod. I'll be rocking the green up in Maine though.

A Doubleheader Sweep

First of all, I can't quite believe the fine play of Team Argus myself. They took out the defending champions last night before they played us. That made me a little nervous. Team Captain seemingly went to Bocce Summer Camp over the past few months according to Dixie Toot.

But a quick 7-0 drubbing in two quick frames set my mind at ease.

The second game was a classic. They took a 5-1 lead but we slowly came back one point at a time. All the while, the team we were playing next was stewing at the lateness of the hour. In fact, one of the guys who I believe used to be on Chewbocce and had a bit of a run-in with Glad Rags last season during a match saddled up to us before the first Argus match to criticize how long the first match of the evening was taking. A chance to make a new friend or a classic case of passive aggresive strategy?

Anyhow, we lost the second game 7-6.

The third game was all Rod though. Again, we won 7-0.

Match 2 saw us pitted us against The DOT Bocce Club. Word has it that the captain of the defending champions not only does not like the team name but is quite pleased with himself that he, in fact, does not work for the Dept. of Transportation.

Anyway, we spanked them 7-0 in the first game.

In the second game, we took a quick 6-0 lead. Glad Rags had a chance to win the game but couldn't quite pull it off. I only mention this because if he had, his point total of the night would have been a sparkling 28-0. When we won 7-2, it ended up being a still impressive 28-2. Beth (we need a nickname from you honey) ended the evening at 21-2 in matches she rolled.

We were a loose bunch. A very loose bunch. And it showed. We all did well. We also added another Rod, Sarah, who also needs a nickname.

I'll be leaving you fine fine players until the playoffs to travel the world and scour every nook and cranny for a bocce edge to bring back and share.

There's rumbling from Rod Traitor, Lethal Dose of Love, that he's been biding his time until I'm gone and then he's going to show his pretty face at Floyd. I guess, by that measure, he'll make himself scarce again come playoff time when I return?

Anyway, keep up the good work. You are a class act and have sent me off to Asia in great style. I look forward to reading about all the victories in this space while I'm gone.

Not a Bad Start

If You Want My Bocce went head to head with the 2nd place finishers in the Spring Playoffs - Old Dirty Barristers.

We brought in a rookie - Beth - too new to even have a Rod nickname.

We quickly fell behind 6-0 in game one before roaring back to take a 7-6 victory! Actually, they kind of gave us a bunch of points but still ...

The second game saw us meekly fall 7-3.

The third game was good - at first. We took a 5-3 lead before succumbing to a 7-5 defeat.

We have held our own in our last two matches - against the top two teams in the playoffs. Not bad.

We just don't quite have the killer instinct yet. But once we get it, watch the fuck out.

An Indie Rock Lodge

Is how Dixie Toot described the new Union Hall in Park Slope. Holy mackerel, this place is incredible. A swanky basement, a classy bathroom, an outdoor seating spot, plenty of New Pornographers on the jukebox, and two bocce courts! It was nice to enjoy it last night before the inevitable crowds descend.

In preparation for tonight's first If You Want My Bocce match, Dixie Toot and I went 4-0 last night. We also took out an Italian cocky asshole and his pal 7-0. Italy may have won the World Cup, but last night, all of the glory went to the U.S. in my little corner of the world.

Rod Doesn't Have Time For Traitors

I received this e-mail recently from Lethal Dose of Love:

"Sir,

It is with regret that i have to announce my secondment from IYWMB for the summer season. This is in the English tradition of cricketers playing the winter months in the southern hemisphere and the summer months up north.

I have been asked to establish a rival team. I will poach no players from IYWMB (apart from Beth) and will continue to play a part in what remains of our spring season. I will harbor no ill feelings towards IYWMB (How could I?).

I hope that you will be amused by our efforts during the summer months and that we may even meet upon the Bocce Court at some time in the future.

Yours in Rod,
Lethal Dose of Love"

We wish him well and can only hope that Beth comes to her senses and decides to stay with us.

If You Want My Bocce's Swan Song (Spring '06)

Week 2 of the Playoffs

We felt ready and relaxed. We knew we could beat the number three seed and had a feeling that they had no idea what they were getting themselves into. Word on the court this week was that they were talking about us like we were an easy mark on their road to further dominance.

We saw our opponent (Boccelism) and they exuded overconfidence from the get-go. Not only did we think that we could win, we were very excited to see that their best player wasn't even there.

We took a quick 4-0 lead and our opponent (the number three seed) seemed scared.

Then the controversy!

With a number of balls already in play, Gladrags rolled. His ball just barely hit another ball before hitting the back wall. But a team member of The Notorious BRF (Notorious might not be so victorious today, but we'll see) snatched Dave's ball from the action mistakenly. What to do? The team captain of Boccelism decided to let Gladrags roll again because things were looking good for his team. How was he to know that Gladrags, given another chance, would roll a sublime roll?

At the end of the set, Team Captain Boccelism thought that maybe we should just redo the whole thing since our ball was closer and it didn't quite work out as well as he had hoped. I agreed at first but then wasn't sure. Another member of Boccelism insisted that it was our point and that we should just move on. If there had been a problem from the beginning of the mistake, we should have just restarted the frame from that point.

This discussion went on for at least five minutes.

Finally, it was decided that the point was ours and it was 5-0, us.

Then it was 5-1 and then 5-2.

I felt the tide turning.

Sure enough, Boccelism put up a fourspot on us on the way to a 7-5 victory. Yikes.

I was implored by members of the Coffee Flats Terrors to buy my team a round of shots but I was still convinced that we were going to win. We had blown a 5-0 lead in the first game of last week's eventual victory so why not again?

In Game 2, Reason to Believe and The Balltrap took a commanding 3-0 lead for us. Then Gettin' Hungry and I completely blew their socks off with a fourspot. Our team had rolled a total of 8 balls in Game 2 and we had a 7-0 victory!

You could really sense the fear in Boccelism at that point.

I decided to keep the same teams from Game 2. Reason to Believe and The Balltrap took a quick 2-0 lead and it seemed like we were on our way to a huge upset (not as huge as if The Terrors had ended up losing to ODIN) but still it would have been the number 18 seed taking down the number three seed. Oh glorious victory!

But then the tide turned. We had some bad rolls. Boccelism showed us why they were 7-1 in the regular season and we succumbed to the onslaught. The final score of the third game was 7-3.

It was a tough loss but at least we had put ourselves in a postion to win and just couldn't close the deal.

But we will be back and we will be better. There will be some changes in the structure of the team - more on that later. We will make sure to not let our mistakes be so fatal to us. All we have to do is remember - let's not hit the back wall!!!

Gladrags and I headed to Grimaldi's to bring back some pizza to console us all and to watch the Terrors march on to today's final day of play.

The Balltrap and I made up, yet once again, from our unkind words during play. We both said we would be more laidback and relaxed. We're getting there. I wonder if there are any psychologists that specialize in bocce group therapy?

In the meantime, it was fun.

We could have done better but I'll take the 5-7 record and be happy in the knowledge that we go into next season stronger then we entered this one. We will be a more seasoned squad and ready to conquer.

If You Want My Bocce vs. Team RIPE

If You Want My Bocce vs. Team RIPE
Originally uploaded by Slice.

This is how it ended. But it wasn't pretty getting there.

First, we got some beer in us, except for Alex, who was drinking Cokes, which the bartender dropped marischino cherries in (She must have been sweet on him):


Another pregame drinkin' shot. We did a lot of this, since the first game of the day was running pretty late. When it was our turn to play, the bartender tried to get us to hurry. But this is bocce. It is serious. It runs by its own clock. Believe that.


The Balltrap, pregame:


Listmaker is thinking: "Will this game EVER start?"


Muscling in on Rod Stewart, Alex Chilton would likely say: "When My Baby's Beside Me ... "


Oh. Here are pictures from the actual game. As "The Balltrap" noted in the postgame wrap-up, Team RIPE really liked to measure things:


Here's "The Balltrap" rolling:


Here's "The Balltrap" measuring. This time it was needed:


That's all the OK pix I have from the match. The rest suck. Plus, I noticed that I did better when I wasn't taking pictures. The minute I started worrying about capturing the moment, I wasn't living IN the moment. I think I'll bring my camera but lay off pix unless I'm sitting out for a match.