Monday, February 27, 2006

We Continue To Get No Respect

Floyd's site doesn't even bother to list our team members, our writeup, or our team picture. For some reason, they just put up our team logo.

Pretty much every other team I looked at has at least the name of the players on the page.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

If You Want My Bocce vs. Chew Bocce

If You Want My Bocce vs. Chew Bocce
Originally uploaded by Slice.
Photos from Saturday's crapfest are now up on Flickr.

IYWMB vs. Chew Bocce

As bocce photos go, they're about the same as any of the other bocce pix. There's not much to shoot besides balls lying in state or ballers ballin'.

I'm trying to build up a set of the team in action, though, so this set adds some new shots of members rolling.

Also: I'll stop taking pix while you're all rolling. I can be annoying with the camera at times. I hardly think twice about snapping photos anywhere, so I fails to register that it could be bothering people. I do want to get some action shots of each member, though, so I'll shoot you during practice rolls (with your permission, of course).

Paulino out.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Crud No, I Wanna Play Ball!

IYWMB'ers, let's not let this two game losing streak bring us down. Let's instill some of the Korea Team Fighting spirit within ourselves. We can do it!

HOLY SHIT, as i write this, "Life is Lookin' Good" the theme from Bad News Bears in Breaking Training just came on the ipod. If that's not a sign, i don't know what is!!!

Monday, February 20, 2006

If You Want My Bocce Hits a Rough Patch

Week 3

Game 1
Fresh from the tough loss against the N.Y. Yankees of Floyd NY, IYWMB came together for the first time with their brand new shirts. Alas, Chewbocce was too strong and IYWMB didn't play so well.

The green rookies "Down the Gasoline Bocce" Glen and "Dirty Weekend" Jane held their own on their end. But they and the veterans "Reason to Believe" Mike and "The Balltrap" Jim squandered chances to put the first game away.

Final Score

"Hot Legs" Dan and "One Part Handbags to Two-and-a-Half Parts Gladrags" Dave stunk up the joint. "Gettin' Hungry" Slice and "Downtrain Train" Mitch weren't much better. The disapproving looks of the Coffee Flatters, the tenacious play of Chewbocce, and the tight play of the Good Guys, led to a humilating defeat.

Final Score


We have the next week off and I think we need to clear our heads and reassess what we stand for as competitors, as a team, as people.

And we'll be back on the court soon, hoping to even our record.

Gettin' Hungry took a lot of photos but since he's currently conquering Amsterdam, I guess they won't get posted here for awhile.

In other bocce news, the Coffee Flats Terrors have added a new team member after kicking out three of their championship squad because they didn't have shirts. If dominating the league, winning the championship, and putting numbers on jerseys wasn't enough to draw the ire of bocce squads all over Brooklyn, this latest display of arrogance surely isn't going to help matters. Hmpf.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

The Reason We Lost Last Week Was Because We Didn't Have Our Shirts!

But we'll have them for tomorrow!
Thanks to Dixie Toot for working so hard on them all night!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

IYWMB Blog Is Live

Hey teammates. It's me, Adam "Gettin' Hungry" aka "Slice" Kuban. I just sent an invitation to you all to join this blog so you can post and start a flame war with the Coffee Flats Terrors. Heh. Just kidding.

Anyway, I started a links list to your blogs. But ... Because you all have blog handles and such, I always have a hard time remembering who's name/face goes with which site. No harm meant if I didn't link you over to the left. Just zap me your URL or, better yet, add it there yourself if you know your way around Blogger (most of you do).

Also: If you're down with Flickr, try tagging any pix from the matches with "If You Want My Bocce." I'd otherwise suggest "IYWMB," but someone else might be using that on Flickr for some other weirdly acronymed group.

Monday, February 13, 2006

If You Want My Bocce vs. The Coffee Flats Terrors

[THIS POST ORIGINALLY APPEARED ON LISTMAKER'S BLOG: One of These Games Is Socially Acceptable and Is Played in a Bar, The Other is Quite Nerdy]

Saturday: Bocce

Theday began promisingly enough. If You Want My Bocce went into the big match against the Coffee Flats Terrors confidently hopeful.

And when they marched in carrying a boombox and playing Public Enemy's "Welcome to theTerrordome," the whole thing seemed utterly silly. Have they spent all of their time planning ridiculous capers like this? Radio Raheem, these clowns were most definitely not. Plus, somehow they thought that by putting the number 23 on their jerseys, they were going to rattle Mike (Reason to Believe).His old nickname on the Terrors was Jordan as in Michael. Was their message that their entire team were Jordan like? That might be true but the whole thing just didn't quite mesh.

Two seconds after the Public Enemy debacle,the jukebox played Elton John's "Daniel." Yet another sign! Our team was going to do well!

Apes poses for his Bocce trading card.

However, as soon as Mitch (Downtrain Train) lost the coin toss, I was a little worried. But he and other fellow rookie Adam (Gettin' Hungry) looked fine in the first frame and my spirits soared.

Are the Terrors worried?

This picture is from Slice's photostream.Check the link for more pictures and a completely radical note left by Balgavy.Youthlarge is quite intrigued as to how one goes about leaving a note? Any advice?

I might have looked good in the photo, but I sure didn't play well. The Terrors were just toodamn good. Maybe their entrance did scare us and throw us off of our game.We lost 7-4 and 7-2. Don't despair though because Slice plans on creating a team blog for all to peruse and enjoy.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

If You Want My Bocce


In English schools there exists a tradition where the members of the schoolteam read their own match reports in assembly. The duty of writing the matchreport is shared by all team members in a rota system. In the assembly followinga school football match the Headmaster will call upon the team captain toread the report to the rest of the school.

"If You Want My Bocceverses Team Odin. The members present were, Dan, Mitch, Mike, Jim, David,Beth, Alex and Glen. We played Team Odin and we beat them 2-0. The first game was very tight with some good bowling all round. Special mentions must go to Mitch , Glen and Beth who were able to secure a 7-6 victory.

In the next game Dan, Mike, Jim and David won a more comfortable victory. Ican't quite remember the whole score because I was relaxing after playingin the first game and was chatting to Balgavy and Mitch quite a lot."

Notable moments.

Mitch and I realise that we really like sitting at the garden end of the Boccecourt. It has super leatherette armchairs and a fantastic view of the action.

The opposition were a curious bunch, mainly distinguished by their reckless approach to the class system.

Beth managed a champagne moment when she smashed the rich kid's ball out of the way and secured a vital point for IYWMB. I have rarely been so proud of her.

Ihave decided to adopt a 'mean and moody' persona on the bocce court. This will confuse the opposition somewhat when they see me chatting in a friendly manner to a nearby teammate.

I love the fact that the English Premier League is on the big screen at the same time.

Balgavy said that I should write this up because then I won't spend all my time writing about Presidents.

Next week we take on our rivals, Coffee flats tremors.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Ladies and Gentlemen, I Present to You


The first games of the brand new season will be this Saturday. The championship winning Coffee Flats Terrors have splintered. Those with an official shirt got to stay. Those who didn't were purged from the records like they never existed.

Thus, a new team. Returning Coffee Flatters include Jim, Mike, and me.

Bottom Row
Youthlarge - Dixie Toot: Can usually be found at the bar eating beer cheese until called into action. Left-handed. The "Tanner Boyle" of "If You Want My Bocce."

Listmaker - Hot Legs: Playing Style - Eddie Murray

Adam - Gettin' Hungry: Hungry not for pizza, nor for burgers. Nothing tastes as sweet as victory on the bocce court.

Middle Row
Mitch - Downtown Train: Please stand clear of the closing doors. This train rolls local AND express.

Alex - Lethal Dose of Love: Combining crude strength and European style, he knows no fear and is prone to brute acts of physical intimidation. He's also dead lucky.

Jim - The Balltrap: If your balls get near mine, there's no telling what might happen

Back Row
Dave - One Part Handbags to Two-and-a-Half Parts Gladrags: I would describe my playing style as "proto-futurist." Greatest accomplishment in the bocce arena-- making a 9-year-old boy cry in front of his parents.

Glen - Down the Gasoline Bocce: My bocce style I would say can be described as “Oops!” Pretty much sums it up.

Elizabeth - Oh God I Wish I Was Home Tonight: From the shores of Rhode Island comes the dexterous wrist action and subtle poise of Ms. Elizabeth B.

Mike - Reason to Believe: Enigma. My bocce style is - Unstoppable

Not Pictured
Skippy - Young Turk: Maybe I’ll show up once, maybe I won’t.

I was at Floyd last night getting in some last minute practicing. I noticed that the trophy Apes had broken at Celebration Night had finally been fixed and returned to its proper place of glory by the court.

The last we had seen the trophy, our team name had been misspelled.

Floyd was terribly embarrassed by this mistake and blamed the trophy maker. They insisted that they would have it fixed. And so they did, I suppose.

I was also happy to see that they had finally added The Coffee Flats picture to the row of championship photos. But upon further inspection, I noticed something quite disheartening.

That's right. Yours truly had been excised from the proceedings. That's me on the far left. You can almost see half of my face. At first, I was upset but then I realized that this made sense.

From the beginning of last season, things just didn't seem right. Cap'n Terror "inadvertently" dropped me from the e-mail list that included such essential information as: 1. The season had indeed started and 2. Who wants a shirt?

Without an official shirt, I was banished from the proud Terrors. But that is okay. I've got Rod Stewart and I know in my heart that I'm still a champion. Oh yeah, our first match with the Terrors will be Feb. 11. I'm not saying that you should come watch. But let me just say, if you don't, I'm not sure you can really call yourself a true fan of sport.