Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Photo-composite of the playoffs / Happy Holidays from Rod

Well, ok, we never did get to sit on Homer Fink's face.

Monday, December 18, 2006

It All Started So Well

What happened? After taking a decisive Game 1 victory by the score of 7-0, everyone's favorite scruffy bocce squad, If You Want My Bocce, went down hard in this past weekend's playoffs. 7-0 and 7-1.

I've spent the better part of the past 48 hours dissecting where I went wrong as captain. And I've figured it out. I'll come out stronger and more ready to lead next season. I'm proud of my squad. Even when we were down 6-0 in Game 3, I thought we might be able to pull it out. Then it was 6-1 and The Sweet Meats were going to be dead meat. But it wasn't meant to be.

Instead, The Sweet Meats showed the heart of champions and the eye of the tiger and they destroyed us. How do you lose the first game 7-0 and then come back and decimate? It was a thing of beauty.

Team Rod decided to go drown its misery in Grimaldi's pizza. By the time we arrived back to Floyd, the final that no one wanted was underway. Boccelism vs. ODB. Snooze.

Once again, Boccelism won. Again. 3 in a row. The Yankees this team is. A juggernaut. The cream of the crop.

Too bad for them that they are not universally loved and had to import non-bocce folks to root for them. They were sick of the booing that they had to endure during the last championship victory over Team Rod. Oh well, I'm sure they would choose to be feared rather than loved.

2006 was the year of the Boccelism. 2007 will be all Rod.

The would have been RVP if we had won - Young Turk.

Final Record: 8-2
Good but not good enough.

Also over the past week, we found out that many of the bocce squads out there read this blog. Join the fun. Leave comments. Don't lurk in the shadows anymore waiting to see what kind of barbs we might throw your way.

And for the record, Gettin' Hungry would like to let the Sweet Meats know that steak is not a sweet meat and that you should plan your merchandise accordingly.

The spring season is just around the corner. And it will be an exciting one. Downtrain Train will once again be pulling into Rod Station which is a great thing. We missed him. We also have other Rod inspired tricks up our collective sleeves, but you all will just have to wait and see. Now that we know that our blog is so well read, some secrets must be kept.

All Hail Rod

Thursday, December 14, 2006

All Rod, All the Time

As the playoffs loom, Team Rod feels relaxed and ready to take on the best that Brooklyn bocce has to offer. We are primed for victory.

If we win, should we take the limo here?

If that proves too pricey, it is a definite that we all get together sometime soon and watch this. I'd like to thank the once and future Rod, "Downtrain Train," for forwarding that tasty bit of information.

Also, I'd like to share this nice comment on the Beeyotcees blog about us. Liz says:

If You Want My Bocce could be my favorite team to play. I mean, they're competitive but friendly, they wear bright green shirts, they're mild-mannered but silly, they display Rod Stewart memorabilia, and I'm pretty sure I heard them quietly playing some Rod tunes on an mp3 player or a cell phone or something. They're so cheesy and adorable that I can't help but like them, even though I want to hate them for winning.
Yes, that was "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" on Reason to Believe's cellphone. This is the second time that Team Rod has been called cheesy. Maybe in both cases, the word that was meant to be used was classy. Because, of course, Rod is all class.

Finally, I received a message in my inbox the other day from the team captain of our first opponent this Saturday, the Sweet Meats. No words, but only this.

At first, I wasn't sure what the message that Cap'n Sweet Meat was trying to convey. But the more I thought about it, the more obvious it became to me.

It is actually quite simple. Rod is a man. Spelled M-A-N. Rod is a carnivore.

The Sweet Meats will be devoured on 12-16-06 by Rod. Thanks for the image, Cap'n Sweet Meat. You have now very much whetted Rod's appetite.

Saturday looms.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Rods Bless Us. So Say We All.

The dream match of IYWMB vs. Homer Fink never materialized as a determined Mamalukes team took them out in three games. We started our match against the 'Lukes like a bunch of malfunctioning cylons. Perhaps we were having download problems. Or maybe we were experiencing true emotions and you know what happens when cylons think they are human. They go crazy!!! After a blink, we were already down 0-6, with the Rods giving up 3 points each in the first two sides. Our Team Rod Team Philosophy was passed out in a back alley somewhere.

The Balltrap and Love Touch started the comeback run by putting up a hard-fought point on our side of the chalkboard. Reason to Believe and yours truly, the Young Turk, furthered the rally with a perfect 4 point side, which was set up by a well-placed first roll by RTB. So it was 5-6, we felt we got our crazy rolls out of the way and we could feel victory. Then it all went bananas. These stupid carrollers showed up! Whose brilliant idea was that? Was it a prank? We're in the middle of a bocce tournament for crissakes, Whiffenpoofs! Take your fucking a cappella nonsense somewhere else! I heard they were asking for tips, which I hope was going to a charity, rather than a fund to buy more sheet music.

We had the last ball with the game on the line. All the other reds and greens were clustered together, with the Mamalukes' red ball a hair closer to the pallino. Love Touch wanted to know what the situation was before rolling. If any one of our green balls were closer, it would have effected the game plan. A member of the Mamalukes' cheering section didn't understand this and felt the need to harass LT about it. WTF? Are you even on a team, Missy Bocce Strategy Questioner? And if you were, wouldn't you want to know this yourself? Alas, it was a tough shot and we missed it and the game went with the Lukies.

Game Two was anchored by the solid, steady play of RTB, the eventual RVP, as well as the clutch duo of Senor Gladrags and Captain Hot Legs. It was another tense game, with the Rods pulling out a 7-4 victory. We weren't about to let the Mamalukes score the biggest upset of the tournament.

We pulled out a game three win to take the match despite some shaky rolling. Our opponents were placing their balls perfectly, working the craggy terrain to their benefit. I, on the other hand, had balls making crazy 90 degree left turns. It was back and forth, which both teams gifting points. With the game tied at 5-all, RTB and Gladrags closed it out with a two point side, thank the Rods.

On to the next round, where IYWMB play the fourth seed, The Sweet Meats (nice merch, by the way). It should be a tight match.

RVP: Reason To Believe for giving us a Reason to LIVE!
Special Honorary RVP: "Sweet Touch" Courson for being a good friend and cheerleader.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Homer Fink Better Watch Out!

Nevermind the Terrors of Coffee Flats. Nevermind the championship squad of Boccelism. Nevermind the bragging of Cobra Kai.

Rod has a bigger bone to pick.

After publicizing our little blog and setting The Balltrap off into full angst mode, it looks like we just might be playing Homer Fink and his crew in the second round of the playoffs. Provided, of course, that they can win.

Rod has promised to sit on the face of each and every member of Homer Fink's Brigate Bocce if the matchup happens.

We have a bye in the first round and are the number five seed. The number one seed - The Old Dirty Barristers have byes in the first two rounds. If Rod had been undefeated, he'd be very curious as to how they were chosen as the number one seed when there were other undefeated teams. Interesting.

We can't play CFT until the Final Four or Boccelism / Cobra Kai unless it is for the championship. Rod's only regret is that he can't beat both Boccelism and Cobra Kai on the way to full Rod glory!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Rod Has No Use For Excessive Force

He always gets his way with a little bit of sweet talk and a whole lot of oh yeah.

Down 6-2 in the first game to Excessive Force, Team Rod wasn't fazed. Hot Legs whispered to Love Touch, "Reason to Believe and Sweet Little Rock and Roller are going to score two points here and then we'll close it out with three more." And that is exactly what happened.

Final score:

Game 2 was no problem for Rod.
7-0 Team Rod

RVP: Love Touch who absolutely dominated after she went back to her banking ways.

Final Regular Season Record

Hopefully, we'll have a bye in the first round. If not, some 31st ranked team is going to be in big trouble. Big trouble.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

The Power of Rod Compelled Us

Last night at Floyd, Love Touch and I (The Balltrap) had an amazing run. We were on the court together for over three hours, maybe closer to four. The scene was livelier than usual, with movie stars, reality-TV stars, cheering and jeering Australians, Coffee Flats Terrors, and cute guys that we have crushes on who finally beat us at around 1 am.

It all started in an uncrowded bar early in the evening, with Love Touch and Hot Legs beating Sweet Lil Rock 'n Roller and Reason to Believe. Then Gladrags stepped in and he and Hot Legs beat some random people. Then I joined up with Hot Legs and we beat a couple who had never played before. The woman made some uncannily good shots; the guy was relatively obnoxious--for example, at one point he yelled loudly to distract me while I was taking a shot. Boccelism superstars Brian and Ezra were coaching these two. I hear from my sources that they were telling them to go short on us because we can't play the short game. After taking care of these novices, Hot Legs and I faced Brian and Ezra and turned their own advice against them, beating them both long and short. It was a tough, hard-fought victory, but it felt good to exorcise some demons from that 7-0, 7-1 summer season final, the much closer spring season playoff match that we almost took, and many beatings on regular nights at the bar.

Then it was time for Love Touch to step back on the court, taking over for the possibly inebriated Hot Legs. Everything is starting to blur for me now, because we played so many damn times. All I know is, after LT and I won our first game together, Brian and Ezra were back on the court already, having signed up two spots down from where they first signed up. So there we were again against this formidable enemy that has caused us so much grief, wondering if twice in one night was too much to hope for. The final score was either 7-3 or 7-4. We closed it out with three simultaneous points and sent them packing for the night.

LT and I were both on fire at various times. She made some incredible shots that bailed me out when I was playing shitty, so we balanced out well.

By this point, unusual things were happening around the court. For one, I came this close to titling this post "Brokebocce Mountain": Hot Legs was not the only HL in attendance, as Heath Ledger was there with some friends. Beth and I were referring to this whole group of people who seemed to be with him, but I'm not sure if they all were, as "the Australians." I only know for sure that this one other dude we played against was an Aussie. I didn't hear anybody else talk.

Heath told me that he was there to research a role for a movie based on a true story. Giuseppe Frappatoli was a bocce champion in 1920s Italy who lost his rolling arm in an agricultural accident, then his wealthy and beautiful fiancee left him because she didn't want a one-armed husband. With a grueling course of training overseen by a grizzled old mentor named Silvio Bertucci, he learned to use his other arm, fell in love with a sweet, poor, one-eyed girl, and won a bocce gold medal in the 1928 Olympics (it was an exhibition sport).

OK, I made all that up. I didn't talk to Heath, but Love Touch was excited to be told by him that she has a "delicate touch." Her nickname fits! I was hoping we would get to play against him, but apparently it was taking too long to get to where he was on the list, so he went home. Hopefully he will be back another time as he seemed like a nice guy. While I was trying maybe too conspicuously to not look directly at him, I did catch him clapping for me and LT out of the corner of my eye, and that was exciting.

"The Australians," clustered around the court at the back of the bar, were definitely in our corner against the Lisms. And they seemed to be rooting for us to do well for maybe one or two games after that. But then our winning ways grew tiresome and they turned against us. I don't even know if it was the same bunch of people who were there when Heath Ledger was there, but by midnight people were booing us. By then, we were ready to go, but I was trying to hold out to play some Terrors, though that didn't end up happening. The most important thing was that it felt good to be playing well since the reason we were there was to practice, with our last match on Saturday and the playoffs in another week.

This morning, as I was contemplating our transformation from heroes to villains in the eyes of the crowd, I thought of a strategy for next time: if we've won two or three in a row, maybe ask the next two people on the list if it's OK for us to take a break from the court, let them play each other, and then step back on to play the winner. Some people might not go for that but it might be worth a try. Or maybe the answer is for Erik and Dani to build a bocce court in the back yard of their store. We could get heat lamps out there for the winter and have all Terrors-IYWMB action, all the time. I would totally chip in for construction and maintenance costs.

The guys who finally beat us last night were at Floyd about a month ago on another Love Touch-Balltrap "reign of Rodness" night. We beat them twice that time. They had never played before, and their instinct was to roll/throw really hard every time. Last night they showed some serious improvement and newly learned subtlety. They shellacked us 7-3. They were crediting us with teaching them how to play and being their mentors, so I likened it to when Darth Vader strikes down Obi Wan Kenobi, with the important exception that Darth Vader is evil, and they are good guys.

This Saturday, Excessive Force better be ready for a focused and finely tuned Rod squad.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

A Tough Match

Match 7 of this fine Fall Season was an interesting one. Almost a little too interesting. The Beeyotcces took a 4-1 lead in the first game. Team Rod came roaring back on the stength of the strong play of Young Turk to take a 5-4 lead. Unfortunately, we couldn't close it out and two straight wallballs led to a 3 point frame and a 7-5 Game 1 defeat.

Game 2 saw the Beeyotcces take a 3-0 lead. Team Rod began to get worried. I mean, the Beeyotcces couldn't even field a whole team and had to recruit a soccer fan at the bar to play with them and we were losing? However, it turned out that the ringer they stumbled upon is known in parts of TN as a skeeball champion.

And apparently, skeeball skills translate well to the bocce court.

Oh well, no matter.

Team Rod is too damn strong. We went on a run of dominance and the Beeyotcces didn't know what hit them. 7 straight points and Game 2 was ours 7-3. Reason to Believe, Sweet Little Rock and Roller, Young Turk, and yours truly all rolled really really well.

In Game 3, I stayed with the same team from Game 2. We took a quick 5-0 lead and I thought that would be it. But the Beeyotcces have a lot of heart. They came back to tie the game at 5. What was happening?

Fortunately, we found it within us to scratch out two more points, one at a time, and we won 7-5.

It was one of the most tense matches we've played all season. We felt good to be able to notch another victory against such strong competition. The Beeyotcces rolled really well. We were pretty good. We all made a few mistakes here and there but when push came to shove, Team Rod emerged victorious again.

RVP: Sweet Little Rock and Roller
Although Young Turk and, dare I say it, Hot Legs, could have easily taken the 12 inches of Rod as well.

Moment where it all began to turn around: When Reason to Believe busted out the Rod on his cellphone.

Record: 6-1

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Young Turk

Athlete Name: Sujan
Nickname: Young Turk
Age: 30
Birthplace: Queens, NY

Began playing bocce: Our team captain was unceremoniously dumped
from the Coffee Flats Terrors after being part of their championship
season and then started a new team with the other two “untouchables.”

Training regiment: kimchi, bloody marys, dancing (poorly)

What got you into the sport: I wanted to lose weight and get into
the shape.

Where do you find the inspiration: My teammates and Keith Hernandez.

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: Making shots / Slowing down the game.

What do you look for in a set of balls: Roundness.

What is your overall bocce philosophy: Don’t roll on an empty stomach.

Greatest Bocce Moment: Making it to the finals of Summer ’06.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Sweet Little Rock and Roller

Athlete Name: Sarah
Nickname: Sweet little rock and roller
Age: 27

Birthplace: New Jersey

Began playing bocce: I just couldn't stand NOT playing

Training regiment: 1 beer

What got you into the sport: Reason to Believe made me believe

Where do you find the inspiration: Rod

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: turn-on: kissing the pallino, turn-off: long warm-up regimens.

What do you look for in a set of balls: the evil eye

What is your overall bocce philosophy: go with your heart

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Reason to Believe

Athlete Name: Reason to Believe
Nickname: Reason
Age: old enough to know better
Birthplace: in a Hospital

Began playing bocce: When I was just a pup

Training regiment: $2 Schlitz

What got you into the sport: $2 Schlitz

Where do you find the inspiration: $2 Schlitz

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: $2 Schlitz / slow deliberate bocce play

What do you look for in a set of balls: good veins

What is your overall bocce philosophy: Go with your heart

Greatest Bocce Moment: TBD

Famous Quote: How do you expect to run with wolves, when you spend all day playing with pups?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006


Athlete Name: Jim
Nickname: Balltrap
Age: 36
Birthplace: Pittsfield, MA

Began playing bocce: 2005

Training regiment: Rolling grapefruits across my kitchen floor nightly.

What got you into the sport: I was in jail, and The Rock came along and
formed a bocce team for especially troubled inmates. I had no choice
but to join.

Where do you find the inspiration: Beer. Sometimes, bourbon.

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: Ons: Rod Stewart's sweet golden voice. Offs: Teams
that take 20 minutes to prepare for each shot. Just roll the damn ball!

What do you look for in a set of balls: It's all about good heft.

Greatest Bocce Moment: Winning the Floyd league championship last
December, in my team's first season.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Handbags and Gladrags

Athlete Name: Dave
Nickname: Handbags & Gladrags
Age: 31
Birthplace: Chocolate City

Began playing bocce: In the womb

Training regiment: Two parts seltzer to one part cranberry juice. Garnish with lime.

What got you into the sport: Great-grandfather was on the gold medal-winning Russian side at the 1928 Amsterdam Olympics.

Where do you find the inspiration: My teammates are the only inspiration I need.

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: Yes.

What do you look for in a set of balls: Good heft and not too dusty.

What is your overall bocce philosophy: Nice and easy…..nice and easy.

Greatest Bocce Moment: Making a 9-year-old cry in front of his parents.

Famous Quote: “Everything changes everything.” -- Earl Weaver

Monday, November 13, 2006

Hot Legs

Athlete Name: Dan
Nickname: Hot Legs
Age: Forever Young
Birthplace: Gasoline Alley

Began playing bocce: When The Small Faces disbanded.

Training regiment: Kick off your shoes and sit right down. Loosen off that pretty French gown.

What got you into the sport: Blonde supermodels

Where do you find the inspiration: The American Songbook

Turn-ons: A well placed ball. I love ya honey!

Turn-offs: Taking forever to roll. Just go with it. Tonight’s the night.

What do you look for in a set of balls: Nice round ones.

What is your overall bocce philosophy: The first cut is the deepest.

Greatest Bocce Moment: December 2006

Famous Quote: I'll bring the red wine. You bring the ludes.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Love Touch

Athlete Name: Beth
Nickname: Love Touch
Age: 30
Birthplace: Bangkok, Thailand

Began playing bocce: July 10th, 2006

Training regiment: Whiskey, potatoes and listening to Van Hagar’s Dreams

What got you into the sport: My love of Jim - The Balltrap

Where do you find the inspiration: George Mitchell

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: Banking / Straight Shooting

What do you look for in a set of balls: Smooth and even texture

What is your overall bocce philosophy: Follow your heart and bank the fuck out of everything.

Greatest Bocce Moment: Once I knocked one of Boccelism’s balls away from the pallino.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Gettin' Hungry

While Floyd puts together their trading cards, I'd like to take this brief lull in the season to present to you the 8 members of the team - complete with trading card info.

Athlete Name: Adam
Nickname: "Gettin' Hungry"
Age: 32
Birthplace: Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin

Began playing bocce when: Spring ‘06

Training regiment: Two hours practice followed by 6 White Castle cheeseburgers

What got you into the sport: There's a lot of sitting and drinking involved

Where do you find the inspiration: Teammates and fans

What do you look for in a set of balls: Smoothness, heft, symmetry

Greatest Bocce Moment: Victory against the Coffee Flats Terrors

Famous Quote: "Let's order some Grimaldi's."

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Rod Loves Windmills

It was time to play. Hot Legs called out "Minigolf!" "Minigolf!" But there was no answer. Was it yet another team that was too afraid to feel the full fury of Rod? It did indeed seem that way.

So Team Rod started a scrimmage against New Kids on the Bocc (they must have thought that Floyd was Union Hall). This time with nothing but pride on the line, we began the scrimmage.

We didn't get too far when cries of "Hey we're Minigolf and ready to play" began ringing out through the vaunted halls of Floyd NY. It turns out that Minigolf were sitting at the bar and didn't hear my calls for them. And so it began. Better late than never.

They were good. But Rod was better. Much better. Minigolf might be a team to be reckoned with very soon but for now, Fall '06 is proving to be all Rod, all the time.

We took the first game 7-3. In the second game, we were down 4-1 before storming back and taking it 7-4. A 4 point frame from Gettin' Hungry and yours truly was the nail in Minigolf's coffin.

RVP: After shrugging off team philosophy to poor results in the first frame of the day, Handbags And Gladrags dominated the day. The Terrors may have a player who dresses as Maverick but we have our very own renegade sans jumpsuit. An RVP kind of renegade.

Record: 5-1

We have next week off. I might start posting our individual player profiles in the meantime.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Aw Shucks, We're Just Happy to Be Able to Share the Same Court With Such Brilliance

After quaking in fear at the mere thought of playing The Terrors from Coffee Flats in our first season, If You Want My Bocce has finally come of age.

Sure, we beat them in the playoffs last year but flukes can happen, right? If you listened to any of the Flatters after that defeat, the only reason they lost was because, um, I can't remember what their reason was. Maybe it was because they had to wait a long time or something after beating Cobra Kai? Oh yeah, that was it. Ok, nevermind that we had had been sitting around ourselves all day before playing. But whatever makes one feel better I suppose.

Still, the Terrors are top notch and a team to be reckoned with. As I've contended for a long time, no one thinks our team of castoffs and fresh faces is any good. Fair enough. The Terrors still didn't think much of us even after we ended their summer season.

When our match began on Saturday, we were all relaxed. Gone was any team tension. We have come together as a group. Even when we were down 5-1 in the first game, no one was too worried. And then the magic began. The turning point was a beautiful smash-up by Reason to Believe Mike that gave us three points. The Balltrap Jim and I added two more quick points (and blew the chance to put it away with our last two rolls) before Sweet Little Rock and Roller Sarah put the Terrors out of their misery with coldhearted precision.

7-5 Rod

In Game 2, Dani Terror (who by the way can't even get her name listed on the Terrors blog) blew us all away. Holy mother of God she dominated. We played okay. We didn't make any terrible mistakes or anything but Dani and the gang were just too much for us.

7-2 Terrors

The decisive Game 3 arrived quickly. I decided to put the Game 1 squad back on the court. This also allowed me to keep Mike in there and for good reason - he was rolling the best and we all did, in fact, need a reason to keep believing. All of Team Rod was happy to see that Cap'n Terror took out his hot hand by putting Dani on the bench.

The Balltrap took the last match for himself and dominated the hell out of it. While Reason to Believe and Sweet Little Rock and Roller were solid, they were outscored 0 to 3 on their end. But Jim all by his lonesome took it to the bad guys. Two amazing frames gave us 6 points.

Then it was up to me in the last frame. After an incredible Sweet Touch roll that staved off a Terrors defeat brought the score to 6-3 Rod, it was up to Jim and me. And we did the job. I saved my best roll of the day for the end. It set up Balgavy as the final chance for the Terrors much as Sweet Touch had just been a few minutes before. Unlike Sweet Touch, Turkey Terror couldn't do it and the victory was ours! Our record against our old teammates has been evened at 2.

7-3 Rod

Coffee Flats Terrors: All Class, All the Time

After the game, the Coffee Flatters still couldn't bring themselves to believe that Team Rod was actually any good. Read what they have to say. Go ahead, try to find one positive word about their opponents. Not there to be found.

When they lose, it is because they didn't roll well. It has nothing to do with their opponent. It has nothing to do with their opponent rolling well and putting the pressure on them. Even the phrase "It was up to me to make a final, almost impossible shot, to keep us in the game," doesn't make any mention why it was an impossible shot for them. Not because it was a good roll by Hot Legs, I presume, but simply that the Terrors beat themselves.

This is all fine. You don't have to respect us. We'll keep doing our thing. We have respect for you, even when we beat you. In fact, if you take a look at what was written after we lost to the Terrors for the second time, all those many months ago, it was clear that we had respect, perhaps too much respect and fear, for the Terrors.

Now the Terrors are left to question what went wrong, why they can't beat a clearly inferior team. They are left grasping at straws. In fact, one of the better comments to come out of this whole thing is now I'm being ridiculed for leaving in my hottest player of the day to play all three games on Saturday. I suppose it would have been fair if I had taken him out, you know to give the clearly superior team a fighting chance against us. Duly noted.

Record: 4-1

Park Slope Gastronome on the victory meal. Coincidentally, the last time we beat the Terrors, uh, I mean the last time the Terrors somehow made too many mistakes to hand us the victory, we also went to Grimaldi's.

Two Movies:

Movie 1:
Down 6-2 in Game 3, Sweet Touch has to pull out a miracle to snatch victory from our clutches. He does. Sorry that I didn't get the rollback on the ball but I wanted to get a good reaction shot. After the crazy cheering by the Terrors, Cap'n Terror was overheard telling his team to act like they had "been there" before.
The Endy Chavez Moment

Movie 2:
Down 6-3, Turkey Terror has one last chance. He is unsuccessful. Team Rod celebrates in a "We've been here before" kind of fashion. Thanks for the advice Cap'n Terror.
Some Teams Have All the Luck

The Balltrap took home the Rod LP as our first ever RVP - which somehow stands for Most Valuable Rod. While he didn't fully begin to shine until Game 3, he directly led to 6 of the 7 points in the decisive game. Well done, Balltrap. Who will take home the Rod this Saturday?

Monday, October 23, 2006

In a Week Where Rod Stewart Had the Number One CD in the Land, How Could We Lose?

I haven't met all of the new teams (granted two of them were too lame to even show up to face us) but how can anyone be nicer than the Cleveland Steamers? Mild-mannered yet competitive, these newbies took us for all we were worth on Saturday.

For the second straight week, If You Want My Bocce played short-handed. Only Love Touch was loyal enough to make it to matches each of the past two weeks. If I had actually gotten my Rod MVP idea off the ground, she would definitely deserve the Rod LP of the week for showing up to both matches.

Love Touch and Young Turk played well together. Yours truly and the Balltrap were inconsistent but pulled it together when it mattered most.

In Game 1, we almost blew a 5-0 early lead but held onto win 7-6. In Game 2, we came from a 6-2 hole to win 7-6. The Cleveland Steamers bought us some beer and we all toasted the good cheer of everyone involved. Up next, the Coffee Flats Mercenaries.

Record: 3-1

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Well, Sometimes Team Rod is Stoppable

And last Saturday was one of those times. Team Rod was short four vital players (three were attending the nuptials of a friend and we lost one to the law that day), but the four remaining players felt cool, confident and ready to take on the Kai. One of my teammates told me my hair looked nice, so I was feeling good!

So we took to the court and really gave the Kai a run for their money. We all rolled pretty well and to be honest, I thought we were going take the first set (Is that what it's even called? When playing bocce, I like to use tennis terminology - game, set, match. Is this wrong?). But alas, we didn't and took a 7 to 5 loss. Sadly, after we lost Big Mo we just never regained our composure. Yeah, Cobra Kai spanked us - 7 to 1. Ouch. I have to say, I'm disappointed. I really think we could have beaten them, but victory just wasn't in the cards for Rod that day.

Afterward, while smoking a cigarette, I was shat on by a flying rat, which is supposed to be good luck. Well, where were you BEFORE the match, stupid pigeon?!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Team Rod is Unstoppable

Especially when four of our past six opponents have been too afraid to face us.

This past Saturday, it was New Kids on the Bocc who refused to show up. If I were those jokers, I'd be afraid to face Rod too.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Rod Demands Respect

If You Want My Bocce continues to get disrespected by the Bocce Elite. That is okay though. Because three of our past five matches have seen our foes too afraid to even show up and take us on.

In a scrimmage against one of our many soon to be victims, we won two games to one.

If You Want My Bocce - 1 Victory
The rest of the league - Who cares?

Monday, September 25, 2006

Fall Season Will Be All Rod

And maybe a fat lady in pink. But it will definitely not have anything to do with Robin Williams.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

If You Want My Bocce

And you think we're sexy.
Come on sugar, let us know.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Monday, August 28, 2006

Waiting, Beating, Losing, and Gouging

We sat around all day. The two teams we were supposed to play were too afraid of the Rod terror that awaited them.

We watched Argus almost pull out a miracle over Lism as they like to be called.

We watched the Terrors destroy Cobra Kai. So much for world domination.

We were loose, we were limber, we were ready to beat the Terrors for the first time.

We did, taking them down in two frames.

Then it was time for the defending champs. It could have been a matchup of the last two champs but instead it was Rod Time.

Unfortunately, we were out quicker than the radio edit of "Infatuation." We weren't a match for the dominating play of the champs. We were smoked.

We drowned our sorrows in team name awards and pizza.

Rod Playoff MVP Jim holds the team trophy proudly. He came up with the team name so he is the lucky one who gets to display the hardware in his apartment. Congratuations Jim!

Balgavy continues the sulk even after four slices of delicious pizza.

Slice's take.
Slice's flickr from which I stole three of these photos.
The Park Slope Gastronome

Still no word from the Terrors yet.

Last season, we went 5-7. This one, we went 5-3 and made it to the finals. We finally got the Terrors monkey off of our backs. Now, we know what task awaits. Boccelism. They have taken us out in each of the last two playoffs. We can beat them even if it takes 23 team conferences per frame. We had the crowd on our side against them but we were so bad that we couldn't get them fully behind us to make a difference. Next season, the championship will be ours. At the very least, some good pizza can be ours.

Youthlarge's take on the day's events.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Rod Loves Social Networking Sites

IYWMB has a profile up on MySpace. Check it out.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Split Decision

The lesson of tonight was a tried and true one: you win some, you lose some. IYWMB took down Jonny Cakes in three games, dominating the last one 7-0. But I think it took a lot out of us. Against Boccelism in the second match of our doubleheader, we played hard but they just had too much ammunition. It was a fun night, and we all played decently well. Adam was the MVP, with some crazy accurate shots and unwavering confidence. We tried some different combinations of players, kept things relaxed and loose, and didn't take ourselves too seriously (unlike certain opponents who take a half hour conference to figure out each shot).

We finished out the season 4-2, having lost only to the two finalists from last season's tournament. That's a solid improvement over last season's record. We should have a decent seeding in the tournament. Whatever happens there, we did ourselves proud in the regular season. And we still have the best team name and best t-shirts, regardless of whether some other lame-os win "best team name" this time again.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

If You Want My Dinkins

Earlier tonight, or I suppose last night, technically speaking, If You Want My Bocce took on last season's "Best Team Name" winner, Mayor Ed Boch. I would like to point out that not one of them asked me "hey, how ya doin'?", to which I would have responded "I'm doin' fine", like the good New Yorker that I am. Humph. Anyway, we beat them 7-2, 7-5. I would go into more detail, but it was fairly uneventful.

Despite the absence of our fearless leader and his lovely wife, we all rolled pretty well. To be honest, I wasn't too pleased with my own performance, but I thought we did really well as a team. Sarah, who is an even rookier rookie than I am, was phenomenal. She came up big for us a bunch of times (photographic evidence of this coming soon).

So next week we're off and then we have a doubleheader on August 7th, where we will face off against Jonny Cakes and last season's champions, Boccelism. Unfortunately, I'll be on vacation, so I won't be there to see Captain Boccelism feel the full weight of all that is Rod. I'll be rocking the green up in Maine though.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

A Doubleheader Sweep

First of all, I can't quite believe the fine play of Team Argus myself. They took out the defending champions last night before they played us. That made me a little nervous. Team Captain seemingly went to Bocce Summer Camp over the past few months according to Dixie Toot.

But a quick 7-0 drubbing in two quick frames set my mind at ease.

The second game was a classic. They took a 5-1 lead but we slowly came back one point at a time. All the while, the team we were playing next was stewing at the lateness of the hour. In fact, one of the guys who I believe used to be on Chewbocce and had a bit of a run-in with Glad Rags last season during a match saddled up to us before the first Argus match to criticize how long the first match of the evening was taking. A chance to make a new friend or a classic case of passive aggresive strategy?

Anyhow, we lost the second game 7-6.

The third game was all Rod though. Again, we won 7-0.

Match 2 saw us pitted us against The DOT Bocce Club. Word has it that the captain of the defending champions not only does not like the team name but is quite pleased with himself that he, in fact, does not work for the Dept. of Transportation.

Anyway, we spanked them 7-0 in the first game.

In the second game, we took a quick 6-0 lead. Glad Rags had a chance to win the game but couldn't quite pull it off. I only mention this because if he had, his point total of the night would have been a sparkling 28-0. When we won 7-2, it ended up being a still impressive 28-2. Beth (we need a nickname from you honey) ended the evening at 21-2 in matches she rolled.

We were a loose bunch. A very loose bunch. And it showed. We all did well. We also added another Rod, Sarah, who also needs a nickname.

I'll be leaving you fine fine players until the playoffs to travel the world and scour every nook and cranny for a bocce edge to bring back and share.

There's rumbling from Rod Traitor, Lethal Dose of Love, that he's been biding his time until I'm gone and then he's going to show his pretty face at Floyd. I guess, by that measure, he'll make himself scarce again come playoff time when I return?

Anyway, keep up the good work. You are a class act and have sent me off to Asia in great style. I look forward to reading about all the victories in this space while I'm gone.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Not a Bad Start

If You Want My Bocce went head to head with the 2nd place finishers in the Spring Playoffs - Old Dirty Barristers.

We brought in a rookie - Beth - too new to even have a Rod nickname.

We quickly fell behind 6-0 in game one before roaring back to take a 7-6 victory! Actually, they kind of gave us a bunch of points but still ...

The second game saw us meekly fall 7-3.

The third game was good - at first. We took a 5-3 lead before succumbing to a 7-5 defeat.

We have held our own in our last two matches - against the top two teams in the playoffs. Not bad.

We just don't quite have the killer instinct yet. But once we get it, watch the fuck out.

Monday, July 10, 2006

An Indie Rock Lodge

Is how Dixie Toot described the new Union Hall in Park Slope. Holy mackerel, this place is incredible. A swanky basement, a classy bathroom, an outdoor seating spot, plenty of New Pornographers on the jukebox, and two bocce courts! It was nice to enjoy it last night before the inevitable crowds descend.

In preparation for tonight's first If You Want My Bocce match, Dixie Toot and I went 4-0 last night. We also took out an Italian cocky asshole and his pal 7-0. Italy may have won the World Cup, but last night, all of the glory went to the U.S. in my little corner of the world.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Rod Doesn't Have Time For Traitors

I received this e-mail recently from Lethal Dose of Love:


It is with regret that i have to announce my secondment from IYWMB for the summer season. This is in the English tradition of cricketers playing the winter months in the southern hemisphere and the summer months up north.

I have been asked to establish a rival team. I will poach no players from IYWMB (apart from Beth) and will continue to play a part in what remains of our spring season. I will harbor no ill feelings towards IYWMB (How could I?).

I hope that you will be amused by our efforts during the summer months and that we may even meet upon the Bocce Court at some time in the future.

Yours in Rod,
Lethal Dose of Love"

We wish him well and can only hope that Beth comes to her senses and decides to stay with us.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

If You Want My Bocce's Swan Song (Spring '06)

Week 2 of the Playoffs

We felt ready and relaxed. We knew we could beat the number three seed and had a feeling that they had no idea what they were getting themselves into. Word on the court this week was that they were talking about us like we were an easy mark on their road to further dominance.

We saw our opponent (Boccelism) and they exuded overconfidence from the get-go. Not only did we think that we could win, we were very excited to see that their best player wasn't even there.

We took a quick 4-0 lead and our opponent (the number three seed) seemed scared.

Then the controversy!

With a number of balls already in play, Gladrags rolled. His ball just barely hit another ball before hitting the back wall. But a team member of The Notorious BRF (Notorious might not be so victorious today, but we'll see) snatched Dave's ball from the action mistakenly. What to do? The team captain of Boccelism decided to let Gladrags roll again because things were looking good for his team. How was he to know that Gladrags, given another chance, would roll a sublime roll?

At the end of the set, Team Captain Boccelism thought that maybe we should just redo the whole thing since our ball was closer and it didn't quite work out as well as he had hoped. I agreed at first but then wasn't sure. Another member of Boccelism insisted that it was our point and that we should just move on. If there had been a problem from the beginning of the mistake, we should have just restarted the frame from that point.

This discussion went on for at least five minutes.

Finally, it was decided that the point was ours and it was 5-0, us.

Then it was 5-1 and then 5-2.

I felt the tide turning.

Sure enough, Boccelism put up a fourspot on us on the way to a 7-5 victory. Yikes.

I was implored by members of the Coffee Flats Terrors to buy my team a round of shots but I was still convinced that we were going to win. We had blown a 5-0 lead in the first game of last week's eventual victory so why not again?

In Game 2, Reason to Believe and The Balltrap took a commanding 3-0 lead for us. Then Gettin' Hungry and I completely blew their socks off with a fourspot. Our team had rolled a total of 8 balls in Game 2 and we had a 7-0 victory!

You could really sense the fear in Boccelism at that point.

I decided to keep the same teams from Game 2. Reason to Believe and The Balltrap took a quick 2-0 lead and it seemed like we were on our way to a huge upset (not as huge as if The Terrors had ended up losing to ODIN) but still it would have been the number 18 seed taking down the number three seed. Oh glorious victory!

But then the tide turned. We had some bad rolls. Boccelism showed us why they were 7-1 in the regular season and we succumbed to the onslaught. The final score of the third game was 7-3.

It was a tough loss but at least we had put ourselves in a postion to win and just couldn't close the deal.

But we will be back and we will be better. There will be some changes in the structure of the team - more on that later. We will make sure to not let our mistakes be so fatal to us. All we have to do is remember - let's not hit the back wall!!!

Gladrags and I headed to Grimaldi's to bring back some pizza to console us all and to watch the Terrors march on to today's final day of play.

The Balltrap and I made up, yet once again, from our unkind words during play. We both said we would be more laidback and relaxed. We're getting there. I wonder if there are any psychologists that specialize in bocce group therapy?

In the meantime, it was fun.

We could have done better but I'll take the 5-7 record and be happy in the knowledge that we go into next season stronger then we entered this one. We will be a more seasoned squad and ready to conquer.

Monday, May 08, 2006

If You Want My Bocce vs. Team RIPE

If You Want My Bocce vs. Team RIPE
Originally uploaded by Slice.
This is how it ended. But it wasn't pretty getting there.

First, we got some beer in us, except for Alex, who was drinking Cokes, which the bartender dropped marischino cherries in (She must have been sweet on him):
If You Want My Bocce vs. Team RIPE

Another pregame drinkin' shot. We did a lot of this, since the first game of the day was running pretty late. When it was our turn to play, the bartender tried to get us to hurry. But this is bocce. It is serious. It runs by its own clock. Believe that.
If You Want My Bocce vs. Team RIPE

The Balltrap, pregame:
If You Want My Bocce vs. Team RIPE

Listmaker is thinking: "Will this game EVER start?"
If You Want My Bocce vs. Team RIPE

Muscling in on Rod Stewart, Alex Chilton would likely say: "When My Baby's Beside Me ... "
If You Want My Bocce vs. Team RIPE

Oh. Here are pictures from the actual game. As "The Balltrap" noted in the postgame wrap-up, Team RIPE really liked to measure things:
If You Want My Bocce vs. Team RIPE

Here's "The Balltrap" rolling:
If You Want My Bocce vs. Team RIPE

Here's "The Balltrap" measuring. This time it was needed:
If You Want My Bocce vs. Team RIPE

That's all the OK pix I have from the match. The rest suck. Plus, I noticed that I did better when I wasn't taking pictures. The minute I started worrying about capturing the moment, I wasn't living IN the moment. I think I'll bring my camera but lay off pix unless I'm sitting out for a match.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Vic, Vic, Victorious

The power of computers has given the common man great power. This power is, at the same time, both liberating and dangerous. Witness the video below if you do not believe the previous statement:

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Lethal Dose of Reality

We just aren't that good right now. After losing two games of a doubleheader, If You Want My Bocce limp into the playoffs with a 4-6 record.

In the 1st match, we made a spirited comeback against Cobra Kai and took the second game. Alas we succumbed in Game 3. In the 2nd match, we were simply overmatched from beginning to end by Joanie Loves Bocce.

As the worst player of the day, I failed my team. As captain, I have failed my team. Shit, the only thing I won't take the blame for is the shitty weather.

From the beginning of the season, I said that I wanted to get my team of rookies ready for the playoffs. Have I done that? If we had gone into the playoffs at 5-5, I'd be feeling good. Instead at 4-6, we have many question marks.

We can play well but haven't. On a day that we looked really bad, we still were somewhat competitive. Stalwarts The Balltrap and Reason To Believe had a strong reunion today. That is something to build on. Dixie Toot looked fantastic in practice last night before getting sick today. Gettin' Hungry proved that he was solid in the clutch. Lethal Dose of Love had some great shots when they were most needed. Gladrags rolled some fantastic shots, one of which saved the game for us at one point. Damn, everybody had some positive moments today except for yours truly.

I promise that the sun will indeed come out again, if not tomorrow, soon. We have two weeks to rest up and get ready for the playoffs. We need to relax. We have gotten so much into the competive aspect of this that I feel like it is messing with our heads, at least mine. It is time to take a page from Team ODIN. No, I don't mean that we should completely change our wardrobes.

But I do think we need to get looser, have a good time, and if we win, great. If we lose, at least we had fun.

Signing out for now,
Hot Legs

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Fortunate Sons

It was a sausage party on the bocce court Saturday, as we had five males representing IYWMB for the match against Chew Bocce: Hot Legs, Gladrags, Reason to Believe, Down the Gasoline Bocce, and me, The Balltrap.

We pulled out a victory in three games, but the last one was as lucky as lucky gets. We were down 6 to 5 and our opponents had three balls left to throw, with a wide open space surrounding the pallino. I thought it was over for sure. But no, they failed on each attempt to get closer, and at the last second I realized that we had not one but two green balls closer than any reds: we had won!

Considering we lost handily to Chew Bocce the first time we played them, this was an encouraging victory. None of us played super well, but we had our moments and they managed to be enough to bring our record up to 4-4. All that's left is a doubleheader against Cobra Kai (who vanquished the Coffee Flats Terrors on Saturday) and Joanie Loves Bocce, on April 22. And then, of course, the tournament!

I would say we should all practice before then, but given that no matter how much I practice, I still manage to make some astoundingly shitty shots every time I play, I'm not sure if practicing has that much value. But we should at least have some kind of team bonding activity. I do want my fellow team members' bocce, and yes, I do think they're sexy.

[Posted by Balltrap]

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

The Green and the Red

This Saturday was the big rematch between us and the Manchester United/Duke/NY Yankees/Dallas Cowboys/LA Lakers/Yomiuri Giants of bocce - The Coffee Flats Terrors.

Now openly referring to themselves as a juggernaut, we knew this was a serious test for us. I've said since the beginning of the season that I was trying to gear our team up for the playoffs. We weren't even remotely competitive in our first foray into the big time. How would we fare the second time?

I knew my team had not been playing loose so I needed them to relax. I played the role of court jester, all little boy jittery and bad jokester. With 9 members on our squad on this day, I decided not to play until a possible 3rd game. I even covered up my team t-shirt that I usually wear with such pride. I planned on blowing the Terrors away when I took off my sweatshirt to reveal the team colors if I were needed.

Game 1 was tight. We took a 3-0 lead that quickly was narrowed to 3-2. Still, we felt good and Reason to Believe was looking dominant for the first time in awhile. We need him to recover his Jordan-like ways and things were looking good.

Unfortunately, things fell apart. We had a terrible frame and gave four points to the Terrors. With the score 6-3, it seemed like we had no chance. But wait a minute! Strong play from Reason to Believe, Downtrain Train, Dixie Toot, and The Balltrap brought us to a 6-6 tie!

With two balls left, we had the chance to put the first game away and make the Terrors sweat a little bit. Instead, the pressure was too much and we couldn't get the job done. The Terrors scored the final point in the next frame and we were done.

Demoralized, we folded quickly and were swept away in Game 2.

Even without Sweet Touch, The Terrors proved too deadly for us.

Still, I like the heart my team showed in almost taking Game 1. The Terrors are the barometer by which all mortals should measure themselves. We showed ourselves that we can compete and we look forward to a possible third match in the playoffs. If the World Baseball Classic is any indication, the third game is the most important one and we hope to play Japan to the Terror's Korea.

We need to practice more. We need to strategize a little more. We need to make sure not to hit the backwall as often as we do. But I am confident for the final three games. We are playing loose and we are playing hungry.

Lethal Dose of Love and Gladrags somehow contain themselves from pushing Ezra over.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

The Art of Bocce War


1. The art of bocce is of vital importance to The Coffee Flats Terrors and If You Want My Bocce.

2. It is a matter of victory or defeat, a road either to clowns and limos or to ruin. Hence it is a subject of inquiry which can on no account be neglected.

3. The art of bocce war, then, is governed by five constant factors, to be taken into account in one's deliberations, when seeking to determine the conditions obtaining in the field, hopefully the court is not full of puddles upon arriving at Floyd.

4. These are: (1) The Moral Law; (2) Heaven; (3) Earth; (4) The Commander; (5) Method and discipline; (6) Winning in two frames

5,6. The Moral Law causes the people to be in complete accord with their ruler (Turkey Terror and Hot Legs), so that they will follow them regardless of their lives, undismayed by any danger or getting caught in a Balltrap.

7. Heaven signifies night and day, cold and heat, times, seasons, and being wishy washy on when you want a start time.

8. Earth (and the bocce court) comprises distances, great and small (sometimes you bank off the wall, other times you don't); danger and security; open ground and narrow passes; the chances of victory or defeat.

9. The Commander stands for the virtues of wisdom,sincerely, benevolence, courage and strictness. When Hot Legs says come to practice and Down the Gasoline Bocce doesn't come, should he really be allowed full playing time?

10. By method and discipline are to be understood the marshaling of the team in its proper subdivisions, the graduations of rank among the officers (Balltrap, you sure you don't want to be captain?), the maintenance of the playing court by which balls may reach the paulino, and the control of the first toss.

11. These five heads should be familiar to every general: he who knows them will be victorious; he who knows them not will fail.

12. Therefore, in your deliberations, when seeking to determine the military conditions, let them be made the basis of a comparison, in this wise:--

13. (1) Which of the two sovereigns is imbued with the Moral law?
So far, it has been the Terrors.
(2) Which of the two generals has most ability?
Only one dabbles in spreadsheets.
(3) With whom lie the advantages derived from Heaven and Earth?
We all know which team has the most of the Chosen People.
(4) On which side is discipline most rigorously enforced?
Again, the nod goes to the defending champs.
(5) Which army is stronger?
See above.
(6) On which side are officers and players more highly trained?
Um, see four and five.
(7) In which army is there the greater constancy both in reward and punishment?
Balltrap, you want to answer that one?

14. By means of these seven considerations I can forecast victory or defeat.

15. The general that hearkens to my counsel and acts upon it, will conquer: let such a one be retained in command!
Why did Cap'n Terror step down?

The general that hearkens not to my counsel nor acts upon it will suffer defeat:--let such a one be dismissed!
Down with Turkey Terror!

16. While heading the profit of my counsel, avail yourself also of any helpful circumstances over and beyond the ordinary rules. For example, insist that the start time of this week's rematch between your CFT and the If You Want My Bocce be switched to your most convenient time, not once but twice. Nevermind, if it is proven bocce knowledge that playing the second game of a doubleheader (which the Terrors will get to do just as they did the first time they played If You Want My Bocce) is beneficial. Instead, mutter some nonsense about Sweet Touch, world traveler, coming back early that morning and needing his sweet touch rest. This didn't bother them too much when they were rearranging the schedule in the first place. Oh well, they have mastered the art of bocce war, what can If You Want My Bocce do?

17. According as circumstances are favorable, one should modify one's plans, or ask the underdogs to change their schedules whenever you feel like it.

18. All warfare is based on deception.

19. Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near; when on the precipice of losing, make sure to take pictures of The Balltrap.

20. Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush him. Tape up the number 23 and enter the court to the strains of Public Enemy.

21. If he is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he is in superior strength, evade him. Pretend it doesn't matter that playing a first game is important, then accuse your opponent of whining.

22. If your opponent is of choleric temper, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant, otherwise known as the Team ODIN strategy against Lethal Dose of Love.

23. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, separate them, If Dixie Toot is your secret weapon, let her shine.

24. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected, whether it is at 1 pm or 2:45.

25. These military devices, leading to victory, must not be divulged beforehand.

26. Now the general who wins a battle makes many calculations in his temple ere the battle is fought. The general who loses a battle makes but few calculations beforehand. Thus do many calculations lead to victory, and few calculations to defeat:
how much more no calculation at all! It is by attention to this point that I can foresee who is likely to win or lose.

Go If You Want My Bocce!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Mondale says...

"Hey America, It's Mondale here.
I want to ask you a question?

Since when did America become some kind of fluffed out wishy washy intellectual liberal hell hole?

I ask because I'm confused.

It seems that the liberal flip floppers , The Coffee Flats terrors keep moving the time of their showdown on Saturday.

Jeepers creepers, My wife was so upset she spilt my afternoon whiskey!

Is it enough that these liberals with their crazy laws are poisoning our kids and destroying our food? Now they want to destroy the very thing that makes us Americans, our time!

I say this, Coffee flats, you french sounding wierdos, If you say 2.45 you should mean 2.45. Iwo Jima was won on time, just in case you forgot.

Just telling it like it is folks."

Monday, March 20, 2006

If You Want My Bocce Evens Its Record

The Look of Champions, Or At Least a .500 Team
Dixie Toot made her official debut on Saturday and looked and played damn fine. She even convinced The Balltrap that it was okay to be photographed while rolling.

We easily dispatched Team ODIN 7-2 in the first match. There were no fights like they had with the Terrors last week although The Balltrap was itching for one. This captain is not a huge stickler for the rules and once again I am glad to state that anyone else on the team can take my position anytime they want.

Anyway, we were so damn great that we took a 6-0 lead in the second match. Then Lethal Dose of Love Alex got a little too cocky and started blowing things. ODIN decided to change their luck and mid-game, they changed their team name! Terrors and Balltrap, is that within the rules? I'll bet it isn't.

Regardless, the finely dressed young ladies and gents came roaring back to tie the match at 6-6! I was already planning who was going to be in for the third game. However, The Balltrap and Dixie Toot came through in the clutch and all was saved.

Even without the stalwarts, Reason to Believe, Glad-Rags, and I Wish I Was Home Tonite, we came out victorious. Downtrain Train rolled well. Dixie Toot shined. The Balltrap dazzled with his precision rolling. Yours truly, Hot Legs, stunk up the joint and depending on how practices go this week might find himself on the bench this coming Saturday. Gettin' Hungry has had better days rolling but will definitely come back strong ready to kick some bocce ass. Down the Gasoline Glen astounded with some key rolls with his "I act like I don't care during practice before the match and then bam roll me some nice shots during the match" kind of style.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Now available on the interweb!

Look, Floyd fixed our team page. Sorta. I have no idea what's going on in the bottom right corner.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Spring training.

Next week is spring break. I appreciate that this means little to those outside of the teaching profession.
I just want to put a shout out for anyone interested in some extra training during the week running up to the match against the terrors. I'll be about, in Brooklyn, if anyone is interested we can set something up, after 'work' or during the day.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Night Bocce!

Night Bocce 2
Originally uploaded by [ CK ].
This might be off topic in that it's not about IYWMB and our exploits, but check out this cool concept: Night bocce! The balls are light-up.

I think this would help me in regard to the colorblindness thing. —Adam

Pix From Doubleheader Up

Yo. Word to all Rollas and Rolla-hatas out there. This is "Slice" aka "Gettin' Hungry." Pix from Saturday's doubleheader are up on Flickr. Go here: Bocce Doubleheader.

Ol' Cappy also asked if I would add a Flickr badge to the blog that displayed the latest IYWMB pix. It's there now.