The Power of Rod Compelled Us

Last night at Floyd, Love Touch and I (The Balltrap) had an amazing run. We were on the court together for over three hours, maybe closer to four. The scene was livelier than usual, with movie stars, reality-TV stars, cheering and jeering Australians, Coffee Flats Terrors, and cute guys that we have crushes on who finally beat us at around 1 am.

It all started in an uncrowded bar early in the evening, with Love Touch and Hot Legs beating Sweet Lil Rock 'n Roller and Reason to Believe. Then Gladrags stepped in and he and Hot Legs beat some random people. Then I joined up with Hot Legs and we beat a couple who had never played before. The woman made some uncannily good shots; the guy was relatively obnoxious--for example, at one point he yelled loudly to distract me while I was taking a shot. Boccelism superstars Brian and Ezra were coaching these two. I hear from my sources that they were telling them to go short on us because we can't play the short game. After taking care of these novices, Hot Legs and I faced Brian and Ezra and turned their own advice against them, beating them both long and short. It was a tough, hard-fought victory, but it felt good to exorcise some demons from that 7-0, 7-1 summer season final, the much closer spring season playoff match that we almost took, and many beatings on regular nights at the bar.

Then it was time for Love Touch to step back on the court, taking over for the possibly inebriated Hot Legs. Everything is starting to blur for me now, because we played so many damn times. All I know is, after LT and I won our first game together, Brian and Ezra were back on the court already, having signed up two spots down from where they first signed up. So there we were again against this formidable enemy that has caused us so much grief, wondering if twice in one night was too much to hope for. The final score was either 7-3 or 7-4. We closed it out with three simultaneous points and sent them packing for the night.

LT and I were both on fire at various times. She made some incredible shots that bailed me out when I was playing shitty, so we balanced out well.

By this point, unusual things were happening around the court. For one, I came this close to titling this post "Brokebocce Mountain": Hot Legs was not the only HL in attendance, as Heath Ledger was there with some friends. Beth and I were referring to this whole group of people who seemed to be with him, but I'm not sure if they all were, as "the Australians." I only know for sure that this one other dude we played against was an Aussie. I didn't hear anybody else talk.

Heath told me that he was there to research a role for a movie based on a true story. Giuseppe Frappatoli was a bocce champion in 1920s Italy who lost his rolling arm in an agricultural accident, then his wealthy and beautiful fiancee left him because she didn't want a one-armed husband. With a grueling course of training overseen by a grizzled old mentor named Silvio Bertucci, he learned to use his other arm, fell in love with a sweet, poor, one-eyed girl, and won a bocce gold medal in the 1928 Olympics (it was an exhibition sport).

OK, I made all that up. I didn't talk to Heath, but Love Touch was excited to be told by him that she has a "delicate touch." Her nickname fits! I was hoping we would get to play against him, but apparently it was taking too long to get to where he was on the list, so he went home. Hopefully he will be back another time as he seemed like a nice guy. While I was trying maybe too conspicuously to not look directly at him, I did catch him clapping for me and LT out of the corner of my eye, and that was exciting.

"The Australians," clustered around the court at the back of the bar, were definitely in our corner against the Lisms. And they seemed to be rooting for us to do well for maybe one or two games after that. But then our winning ways grew tiresome and they turned against us. I don't even know if it was the same bunch of people who were there when Heath Ledger was there, but by midnight people were booing us. By then, we were ready to go, but I was trying to hold out to play some Terrors, though that didn't end up happening. The most important thing was that it felt good to be playing well since the reason we were there was to practice, with our last match on Saturday and the playoffs in another week.

This morning, as I was contemplating our transformation from heroes to villains in the eyes of the crowd, I thought of a strategy for next time: if we've won two or three in a row, maybe ask the next two people on the list if it's OK for us to take a break from the court, let them play each other, and then step back on to play the winner. Some people might not go for that but it might be worth a try. Or maybe the answer is for Erik and Dani to build a bocce court in the back yard of their store. We could get heat lamps out there for the winter and have all Terrors-IYWMB action, all the time. I would totally chip in for construction and maintenance costs.

The guys who finally beat us last night were at Floyd about a month ago on another Love Touch-Balltrap "reign of Rodness" night. We beat them twice that time. They had never played before, and their instinct was to roll/throw really hard every time. Last night they showed some serious improvement and newly learned subtlety. They shellacked us 7-3. They were crediting us with teaching them how to play and being their mentors, so I likened it to when Darth Vader strikes down Obi Wan Kenobi, with the important exception that Darth Vader is evil, and they are good guys.

This Saturday, Excessive Force better be ready for a focused and finely tuned Rod squad.