Rod Eliminates the Competition in a Triumphant Forfeit!

The Iron Fists proved no match for Rod's seductive ways. It's clear that they caught word of our savage play the previous week and intentionally avoided our devastating oxidization powers.

Rod is embarrassed about that last sentence.

Little did the The Iron Fists know, Rod is not beneath free points.

Season thus far: 2-1.

This coming week allows us a break so we can celebrate Valentine's Day Rod-style. That means:

...uh, hide in the trunk of your lady's car and emerge wearing a plaid scarf and your skivvies.

Or, you know, surprise her when she walks in the door wearing those special green pants you bought for just such an occasion:
Just keep in mind, whatever you decide to do, make it special. Rod wouldn't have it any other way.

Also, President's Day is coming up, Rod has no thoughts on the subject. He prefers Royalty.

Dirty Weekend

Athlete Name: Rebecca Orchant

Nickname: Dirty Weekend

Age: 24

Birthplace: Albuquerque, NM. Really.

Began playing bocce when: The good old days.

Training regiment: Always with beer.

What got you into the sport: My love of old Italian men and all that they love.

Where do you find the inspiration: Peer pressure.

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: The skin on chocolate pudding/Open-mouthed chewing.

What do you look for in a set of balls: Groom...edness.

What is your overall bocce philosophy: If you can play it one-handed, I'm in!

Greatest Bocce Moment: Crushing Sean Stewart in the match of a lifetime, sending him on a downward spiral into Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Purely for my own viewing pleasure.

Famous Quote: Oh, BALLS.

Only a Hobo

Athlete Name: Sean Gardner.

Nickname: Only A Hobo.
Age: 27

Birthplace: Somewhere outside of Boston.

Began playing bocce when: Sperm.

Training regiment: With beer.

What got you into the sport: Failure at every other "organized sport."

Where do you find the inspiration: Mockery. Shame. Also, fear.

Turn-ons/Turn-offs: Crying/Douches.

What do you look for in a set of balls: Caked in a thin layer of dust.

What is your overall bocce philosophy: It could have been worse.

Greatest Bocce Moment: I once challenged Rod himself to a game. We toasted a round of Pimms' Cups and rolled our smooth balls 'neath the Sphinx. Between games, he serenaded me with a stirring rendition of "You Put Something Better Inside Me" (it made me feel weird).

Famous Quote: "Define inappropriate."

Rod Likes a Full Squad

For the first time in ages, attendance was not a worry. And Rod kicked much ass. Against Boccismo, Rod felt good.

7-2
7-3

Big Bam Boom! Oh wait, that isn't Rod.

Season Record: 1-1

Check back for updates on our newest team members in the next couple of days.

A Sad Month in Rod Land

It's been a long time since I've written. A lot has happened.

1. Yes, we lost to Veni Vidi Bocce in the Final 8 of the fall playoffs. We won Game 1 and then blew a 6-2, Game 2 lead to go meekly in Game 3. Ugh. Final record: 4-7



2. YouTube banned my last movie featuring a great Rod song. It can currently be seen without sound. I've tried to upload it to SHR's server but have been running into problems with it. I smell a conspiracy.

3. We've moved to Saturdays. Too many babies and homework assignments have led us to this road. Although Saturdays now look to be a problem for too many hangovers.

4. We've added two new team members, Rebecca and Sean. More on the new Rods to follow.

In our first match of the new season against Kiss My Pallino, we got spanked. It was ugly. 7-2, 7-3. We were a bare bones operation (see last sentence of #3) and it showed. Things can only get better from here.

Rod feels small.

We Lost and Then Our Sport Was Insulted

Rod lost a nailbiter to Veni Vidi Bocce in the Round of 8. More on that later.

Then we went to Pick and Climb '08 where the King of the Festivities ripped into our grand game.

Giving Rod a Bad Name

Booooo!!!!!

Here Comes Rod

Despite an abysmal regular season, here comes Rod roaring into the playoffs.

In the Round of 32, we lost to Boccismo in Game 1 but then came back to win the second and third games.

In the Round of 16, we dispatched of Do These Droids Speak Bocce in quick fashion - 2 quick frames. They had had a long layoff between their games and Rod knows better than anyone how long layoffs can really mess with one's rhythm.

This Sunday - the final 8.

First up: Veni Vidi Bocce

The Movie with sound. Well, not yet. Still having problems getting it to work.

Or the blocked YouTube version. I can't believe Rod would block his namesake bocce team.

A Doubleheader Disaster

Holy moly, we are terrible. Absolutely terrible. Truly truly terrible. I can't even figure out what to write here. I don't even remember the exact scores of this awful night.

Let me try.

Match 1 against Watch Your Balls was terrible. We lost both frames and we weren't even close.

Match 2 against Gowanus Iguanas was terrible. We won the first game after falling behind 4-0. Then we lost the second game 7-6. In game 3, it was short and not to sweet. But at least Sweet Touch made sure we went out in a stinking flame of glory. I wish that I had footage of it.

The situation was this:
We were down 3-0 already. They had one point. Erik decided to do something great or fail in spectacular fashion. Either outcome would be memorable. I think you know where this is going. He turned their one point into a four spot, game over. 7-0 Iguanas.

So we fell to an abysmal 2-6. We have one more shot to get to the vaunted three win level next Monday.

Our game is against the JTBP crew who as of this coming Monday were 0-7. This past week's results have still not been posted on the Floyd website so I'm not sure what their current record is. If they are 0-8, it would be wonderful to give them their only win. The only other time we played them last season, they beat us.

I hate bocce.

Just for kicks, I copied this post into a poem generator to see what I got since my words aren't enough to fully encapsulate the sorrow that it is to be Rod this week. I kind of like it.

FACELESS, DEAD FLOWERS LOUDLY PUSH A COLD, FAST WORKER.
DAMN, DEATH!
OH, FAITH!

Season Record: 2-6

We Were as Bad as Rod's Haircut

And all of a sudden, Team Rod is an ugly 2-4. Yikes.

If You Want My Bocce vs. Bourbon Balls

It was the first time we had played them since summer 2007. In previous matches, we had put together a nice 2-0 record the balls of Bourbon.

Game 1
We borrowed Cap'n Terror because Jim was running late from class and we needed a fourth. Jim showed up right before Cap'n Terror rolled but Cap'n Sweet Touch decided to go with the Terror.

It was close at first but then we turned a 3-spot to our advantage into a 1 point Bourbon Balls frame and to be honest, the night was all downhill from there.

We lost 7-2, 7-2. Yup, Rod got a beatdown.

We'll try to rebound with a big doubleheader this coming Monday.

Up Then Down

Three weeks ago, we beat the Coffee Flats Terrors for the 8th straight time.



Two weeks ago, we blew a 5-0 lead to Da Bears and lost a heartbreaker.

Monday night, we look to even our record.

CFT
Game 1
7-0 Terrors
7-4 Rod
7-4 Rod

Da Bears
7-2 Rod
7-4 Da Bears
7-5 Da Bears

Season Record
2-3

We Just Can't Beat the Sweet Meats When I'm Playing

After going 0-6 against the Sweet Meats with me in attendance, Rod was riding high on a 1 game winning streak against the Meats without me in attendance.

I was there last Monday night. The result? An obvious one. I was terrible - perhaps my worst game ever.

The Movie: Watch it if for nothing else - SHR's and Jim's great shots when we were down to our last ball.



Game 1
7-4 Meats

Game 2
7-4 Meats

Season Record: 1-2

A Two Hour Game Edited to a Crisp 1 Minute and 22 Seconds

In this movie, Erik drops a possible big news development.



Too bad we lost.

Season record: 1-1

Rod vs. New Kids on the Bocc Haiku

There were four of us
We began with a four spot
Ended with one too


7-4
7-2
Rod!

Season Record: 1-0

Rod Stuart May Love the Hamptons but Lady Luck Doesn't Love Team Rod Stewart

We took down Da Bears in two frames both by scores of 7-0. What? Wow!

We waltzed into the Final 4 for the second straight season. But for the second straight season, that is where the dream ended. We ran into the buzzsaw of some miraculous rolling by the one they call The Fixer and we succumbed to a heartbreaking loss in three games.

Game 1
We fell behind 5-1 and then roared back to win 7-5.
Game 2
We got spanked 5-0
Game 3
We had 5-0 and 6-3 leads but couldn't close it out and fell 7-6.

The Movie:

Season Record: A not so stellar 4-5.

Read Joanie's take on the proceedings.

Bocce Brunch Goes Down Hard

Team Rod got its revenge for its ignominious defeat to Bocce Brunch in last season's Final Four. We took them out in the first round of the summer playoffs.

Last time we played them, I was villain number one for taking movies of them because one guy thought I was going to take flash photography as he was rolling.

As the match came to a close my nemesis mockingly asked if I wanted him to take my picture for me which elicited hearty guffaws from his teammates. I decided to not say anything and let my roll do the talking. Unfortunately, I just missed putting them out of their misery. No matter, we won the next frame.

I may not be the coolest guy in the world as Bocce Brunch pointed out but should a team that calls itself Bocce Brunch really be casting any stones or pallinos for that matter?

Game 1
Jim and me
SHR and Mitch
7-4 Rod

Game 2
Jim and me
Erik and Mitch
7-2 Rod

We've now won two matches in a row and hope to continue our late season momentum into this Sunday's Elite 8.

The Movie

Season Record: 3-4

holy shit, we finally beat the sweet meats!

Well, I think the title says it all. As of 7:30PM yesterday, we had played six matches against the Sweet Meats (or their summer incarnation, Jimbo's Sweet Meat All-Stars) and had lost every single time. Our losses were often heart wrenching and jaw-droppingly spectacular. We've come back from 0-6 deficits only to lose 6-7. We've blown 6-0 leads in every sort of way imaginable. The Sweet Meats were our daddys and to be honest, if we had to pick anyone to be our daddys, it would be them because they have good sportsmanship and good merch and are fun to play against.

As has been the case for many of our matches this underachieving season, we were not at full strength. Hot Legs was in Maryland (hence the lo-fi post), Handbags and Gladrags was eating french fries on the beach and Rodberto was...I have no idea where he was. Downtown Train was a maybe so when he showed up, I think our our spirits were lifted.

After game one, the score looked like this!
The Balltrap and Downtown Train started on the Ms. Pac-Man side, while Sweet Touch and I took the other. ST and I had some key momentum shifts with our 3rd and 4th rolls, and our side wound up scoring all 7 points. The SMs were unable to capitalize in situations where we were done rolling and they had multiple balls left. However, it was foolish to get overly excited because we had beaten the SMs in game ones before only to shrivel up and die in the next two games.

For game two, Love Touch swapped in for Sweet Touch but everything else stayed the same. Jim and Mitch immediately turned things around with a two spot to start off the game. I can't really remember much of that happened next, but I think the ladies of Rod scored a point and then J & M scored some more. At some point, LoR gave up a point to the Meats. Heading into what would be the final frame, the score was 6 points Rod, 1 point Meats. The Meats controlled the pally and got close with their first roll. But then Jim had the roll heard around Floyd. With our first roll, he pinned both balls against the pallino, but the Meats' red ball had an extra rotation in it and rolled away to create this scenario:

The Meats were unable to get closer or knock our ball away with any of their remaining three shots. So that meant:
A little before 8:30, we were finally winners! We ended our 2-4 regular season on a high note even Mimi would be proud of. We did it guys!

Sweet Touch texts Hot Legs with the good news.

Game 1
Jim and Mitch
Sujan and Erik
7-5 Rod

Game 2
Jim and Mitch
Sujan and Beth
7-1 Rod

Rod Suffers Defeat Again

Yikes, we suck. After losing three in a row, we had to face Boccelism a couple of weeks ago. That's no fun, y'all. No fun. They beat us but we did have a few minutes of fun.

Game 1
Jim and Beth
Erik and me
7-0 Boccelism

Game 2
Jim and SHR
Roberto and me
7-0 Rod

Game 3
SHR and Beth
Roberto and Erik
7-3 Boccelism even though we started with a nice 2-0 lead.

We have the Sweet Meats on the docket next and we hope to get one in the win column before going on our championship run in the playoffs. We still have never beaten those Sweet Meats though. I hope that my absence will be a good luck charm.

Earlier in the season, Turkey Terror sent me a link to this amazing picture.

Last week, Jim stumbled upon a Facebook page for a DC based squad named Boccelism. And just like their Brooklyn namesakes, they are too cool for team T-shirts.
Team DC Boccelism had a match on the DC mall earlier this afternoon. Having already done that and knowing how much fun it is, I was tempted to crash their game. Oh well, maybe next time.

The Movie
Season Record: 1-4

Apparently We Lost Yet Once Again

This time I was there to witness the atrocity against Legends of the Ball.

The game started late because the two members of Legends of the Ball showed up a bit late. They then recruited two members from that team with the many letters in their name who gave us our first defeat of the season.

Again, we were shorthanded. This time, it was SHR, Sweet Touch, Beth, and me.

We got trounced in Game 1 by a score of 7-0. Then we won Game 2 by the same score.

We went down 6-0 in Game 3. Sweet Touch made a miraculous shot to stave off defeat and give us our first point. We slowly made a comeback and got to within 6-4 before Beth and I gave up the final point.

The Movie: Mercifully Quite Short

Season Record: 1-3 And we still have Boccelism and The Sweet Meats ahead of us. Ugly.

Apparently We Lost

Sweet Touch, Turkey Terror, and I were too busy playing prison bocce to notice though.

We fell in three games to Da Bears. We were a skeleton crew of Jim, SHR, Dave, and Beth.

While in Marfa, Texas a few days later, SHR stumbled onto this store that only sold a few CD's. But it was an excellent collection.

Season Record: 1-2