Rod Likes to Kiss Kiss AND Bang & Bang

Val & Robert

Meet Rod!

If You Want My Bocce vs. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

7-0 Rod
7-0 Rod

Hello summer season!

Free Fallin'

On the morning of March 26, 2006, these things were happening in this great land of ours.

The Republicans controlled everything.

The first episode of Hannah Montana had just debuted.

Someone named Daddy Yankee was taking our shores by storm with his unique blend of swagger, sexiness, and dance grooves.

And we just couldn't get enough of this movie.

And there was a Brooklyn bocce team named The Coffee Flats Terrors.

The day before, they had just beaten Team Rod for the second time in a row. It was a sad day for Rod.

But four years and 9 matches later, The Terrors (now the Wildfowl) still had not beaten Team Rod again.

That is until this past Monday night.

They dismantled Rod in Game 1 by a score of 7-0. Then they took a 6-1 lead in Game 2. But Team Rod showed heart and determination even if it didn't show skill. We came back to a 6-5 score and even had a point in the next frame until Alex J's stupendous roll closed us out.

All good things must come to an end including our four year winning streak against the Terrifying Fowl. It also seems likely that our streak of making the playoffs has ended.

We finish the regular season at 4-5 and on a three game losing streak. Yikes.

In fact, since starting last season 7-0, our record (if you take out a forfeit victory) has been 4-7.

If we don't make the playoffs, I promise you Rod will be back for the summer! That's about all I can promise. We'll be back.

By the way, Rod thinks that Tom Petty sucks.

Uh-Oh

The power of Rod's green pants didn't help last Monday night. Rod fell in three to Fahgeddabocce.
With one game left, Rod runs the risk of missing out on the playoffs for the first time. Granted, until recently every team used to make the playoffs so it isn't that impressive a feat. Our last game against our vaunted rivals The Wildfowl could be the key to making the playoffs.

With a win, Rod will finish the regular season 5-4. With a loss, the playoffs look unlikely. I'm not sure what The Wildfowl's current record is but a little research shows that Jess Gulbranson scored an exclusive interview with Meshell Ndegeocello back in November 2009.

We haven't lost to the Terrors/Wildfowl in over four years. Hopefully, they don't get their revenge at an inopportune time for Rod.

Sweet Touch Called Us a Sinking Ship

Well, let's not draw this out.


Rod was beaten by Tarrytown Surprise in two.

Tonight, however, we play some philandering creeps called Bocce Said She Was 18. If there's anything Rod knows how to take down, it's the barely legal set. AmIright?


Chin up, Rod. We'll catch them when they least expect it.

TRUE ROD STORY

Rod was staying in the same hotel as The Balltrap's friend Jackie and her family in Hawaii. There was a fire and their hotel room burned up. So they got put in a suite near Rod's suite. She said he was very nice and he was with a lot of women in bikinis.

Oh yeah, Rod destroyed the Ball Busters on Monday night.

7-0
7-1

Season Record: 4-2

What Happens When a Thunder Chicken Crosses the Road?

Rod runs it over!

We won in two games.

Season Record: 3-2

This picture has nothing to do with anything other than I like how scary I look as a terrorist chicken. Maybe the Thunder Chickens need to change their name next season?

Rod, Curling and Victory

Last night, after posting a dismal 1-2 season record thus far, Rod took his balls back. Some say we have curling to thank for this. The Winter Olympics, loathed by many, slept through by more and watched by a few of us, featured the tremendous sport of curling (some would say "bocce on ice").

First off, those people are assholes. We don't sweep shit. Secondly, they make a fair point. It's "bocce on ice" if you remove the ice, the flat surfaces, the brooms, the target, the physcial activity and turn the stones into balls. And if you're clearly an idiot that has no concept of anything.

But nevertheless, Rod watched it and it made him think about angles, ball speed, competition and mostly got him hard for bocce again.

Proof is in the pudding, fools.

Rod Lost But At Least Alex's Cookies Were Fabulous!

Monday night's match pitted BF Sweet Touch vs. GF Alex B. Keaton. Who would win the grudge match?

The coin toss went the way of Arthur Boccerelli.

Arthur took it to Rod. Ouch. Before Rod knew it, he had been decimated 7-3 in the first game. The second game started well and Rod took a 5-0 lead. But that only set up a horrendous collapse. Arthur B took the second game 7-5.

The Fonzie ladies pose by the depressing evidence. Ay!!!!!!

Last season Rod started 7-0. Thus far, Rod is 1-2 in 2010. Yikes.

The most exciting news about this night (other than the amazing cookies) is that Lauren made a movie. Too bad the results weren't better.

Bocce night from poohlaga on Vimeo.

No 7-0 Start for Rod This Season

After dismantling some new team last week with knocking balls in their name, we had to face top notch talent in the second week.

It didn't go so well for us.

Last week, we didn't give up a point and cruised to two 7-0 victories.

Last night it seemed like it might be the inverse.

We lost the first game 7-0 in two frames.

In the second game we went down 4-0 before storming back to take a 6-5 lead.

We had plenty of opportunities in 2 of the last 3 frames to win (and got lucky in the the next-to-last frame that they didn't put us away) but the bocce gods weren't with the Rods last night. Despite our valiant efforts, Team Rod went down swinging 7-6 in the second game.

Rod hopes to rebound against the Fonz next match.

Season Record: 1-1

New Season Starts Tonite

Go get em Rod!

Rod Hates the Fall Playoffs

Not only did Rod not make it to the Final 4 but now the Onion is making fun of him.

And, oh yeah, Joanie Loves Bocce won ... again.

The Same Old Song: Rod's Christmas Is Ruined Yet Again

Bah humbug! After starting the season 7-0, we entered the playoffs on a 1 game losing streak.

Our first match was won by forfeit.

Our second match was lost by pure domination.

For the second season in a row, the Gowanus Iguanuas took us out in the Final 8. We beat them in the regular season but that's no consolation. In the playoffs, they have proven to know how to tame Rod.

We go into yet another offseason with no trophy. Maybe Season 13 will be the lucky season for Rod.

All in all, we can't be too upset about a 7-2 season but it's hard to be too happy going out like punks like we did. Rod doesn't like punks.

Quote of the night:
Jim: "I was hoping to get my master's and a bocce trophy in the same week. I hope I still get my master's."

I'll be ordering my new Rod shirt soon. I hope my teammates join me. We need a new look to take on 2010 and lucky number (season) 13.

No more Mr. Nice Rod in 2010!

As for 2009, it remains the same old song.

Seven is Not Enough

Rod and his wife Penny are trying to have their second child. It would be Rod's eighth child. When asked about it, Rod said, "“Yes, we’re trying — we actually tried last night! One more and then we’re going to close the office.”

Coincidentally(?), Team Rod was also going for it last night. We were going for our 8th win of the fall season. If successful, we would finish the regular season with a perfect 8-0 record.

Unfortunately for Rod, wife Penny is still not with (Rod)child. And Team Rod did not go undefeated. We fell behind early in both games by scores of 4-0 and 3-0 only to come back and take 6-4 and 5-3 leads. But we couldn't hold the fort either time and lost both games to The Mo I Bocce.

Just like we know Rod will be more successful in impregnating his wife in the coming days, we know that Team Rod will be more successful in bringing home more victories in the coming days. The playoffs start after Thanksgiving. And unlike Rod, Team Rod will not be closing up office when it attains its 8th. Team Rod wants a trophy.

And when we win, we'll invite Rod and Penny along for the ride in the limo where they can try for lucky number 8. Go Rod!

One Victory Away from An Undefeated Regular Season!

Rod goes 7-0. Mitch does the telling. And for the record Mitch, we played Tarrytown Surprise.

For my first write-up ever, I'm embarrassed to report that I don't remember the name of the team we played - but I do know that they seemed like nice people and one guy in particular made a pretty amazing shot at one point. That said, they needed to recruit a stranger from the bar to be their fourth player, and it's no secret that Rod intimidates and manipulates strangers like no one else (I'm sorry but I'm out of milk and coffee; Never mind, sugar, we can watch the early movie").

Game one seemed to go very quickly - I remember Rebecca and Beth rolling particularly well from the top of the court. I stunk in game two, missing an entire cluster of balls in the middle of the court to hit the back wall for the third time in my first four shots and contribute mightily to a swift defeat. But game three saw Rod claw back and take control to keep the prospects of an undefeated season alive.

For the record, I also thought our team was particularly well-dressed tonight - Jim was wearing a sweatshirt I hadn't seen before, Erik was wearing a very fetching yellow sweater, and I believe I heard Beth complement Rebecca's sweater more than once. It was aces all around, and another one for the win column. On the season, we now have as many victories (7) as Rod has children. Odds are high that both numbers will continue to rise.

Friends, Foes and Terrible Grades

Dudes. Did you SEE Rod on Dancing with Stars?? Me neither, but check out that suit jacket!



Some other really great stuff has happened with Rod since last we spoke. Let's break it down.

Everyone knows that Rod has no natural predators in the wild (oh, what, TIGERS? Please!). In fact, he doesn't even like to have enemies. However, sometimes it's necessary. Rod stared down one of the greatest threats that man has ever known. The Wildfowl.

In FACT, Rod dislikes having enemies so much (especially when his enemies are usually friends, but for the purpose of competition must hate each other for a 1.5 hour period every few seasons), he had to dismantle the competition in two frames. Oh, hello 5-0, how about you come back to my dressing room?



Everyone needs a break between games. Below you can see Otis being rocked to sleep by the knowledge that Sean was mere DAYS away from shaving that beard off.



Then it was back to business. Rod had to face down a crew known only as "F-". But Rod wasn't fooled. Rod knows all about intentionally lowered expectations for purposes of subterfuge. Haven't you seen his children on reality TV? So, we approached our opponent with careful study and an air of cautious elegance.

By that I mean, Dan rolled with a BABY attached to him!



The F-'s were also taken down in two, as we all wanted to go home and bed our new ladyfriends, 6-0.



Just reach out and touch me, 6-0. Just reach out and touch me.

The Last Two Weeks in Rod News

1. Rod tore it up on Leno.
2. Team Rod beat Watch Your Balls in 2 games to run their season record to 4-0.

3. Team Rod discovered the best blog on the interweb.

4. Rod's new LP drops tomorrow.
5. Make sure to catch Rod on Kimmel later in the week.

It's a glorious time to be Team Rod right now.

Does Beating a Team Named Arthur Boccerelli & The Happy Days Atone for Losing to Joanie Loves Bocce in the Final 4 a Few Seasons Ago?

Probably not. But who cares about the past? Rod is now 3-0 this season!

If You Want My Bocce: Fonz's Dream Rod

Team Rod vs. Boccelism

An 8 pm start time at Floyd usually means 8:45 or later, right? Especially when it is supposed to be the third game of the night.

So I was surprised to get a call from Jim at 8:03 stating that the game was about to start and he was the only member of the squad who was actually there. Shit! I was getting ready to leave when I got his call. I hopped on my bike and pedaled as fast as I could through downtown Brooklyn. A forfeit is not the way Rod wants to go out.

I pedaled like I've never pedaled before.

Game 1
I arrived to Floyd out of breath and ready to roll. Lucky for me, it was my turn to roll. Perfect timing.

We took a 4-0 lead but in Rod style gave it back. Two 3 spots to the Lism didn't help matters. We lost 7-5.

Game 2
With the score tied at 2, we were handed a golden opportunity to put up a 4 spot which is unheard of against Boccelism. I was in disbelief. But I was in even more disbelief when we couldn't capitalize and only scored two.

No matter. We still won. It just took longer.

Game 3
Jim took over.

In the final frame, we each had one ball left but they had the point.

That is they had the point until Jim went to town. Lism missed and we had the victory!



It was our first victory against Boccelism since November 2007. And it felt nice.

With two games down, we are feeling good. After two seasons in Saturday purgatory, we are back with the cream of the crop on Monday nights. We have already vanquished the team that ended our summer season and now the six time champions.

Could this season finally belong to Rod?

Season Record: 2-0

Three Heartthrobs

Last Monday

This heartthrob died.

This heartthrob stunned the tennis world.

This heartthrob took care of business.
Team Rod over Gowanus Iguanus in 3.

Season Record: 1-0

Rod Tastes Defeat Yet Once Again

Summer Playoffs

It started off well. I was at home rooting on Rod from my couch. We were playing the Holy Bocce Balls, Batman! Um, yeah.

Sean kept me up-to-date on what was going on. I paid him back by explaining the difference between a match, a game, and a frame.



And then Rod finished them off.


I biked over for our final 8 match against the always tough Gowanus Iguanas.

Dave had to leave so I kept him informed.

But we couldn't finish them off! It was so frustrating. It was typical Rod. We started Game 3 strong by taking a 4-0 lead. Then they came back to tie it before we took a 6-4. As mentioned in my text with Dave, we had them down to their last point. But they made a great shot to take the point. 6-5 us.

In the next frame, they tied us at 6.

In the final frame of the match, Mitch made a great shot and things looked great for us. They missed on the next two tries. They were down to their last shot. And the same guy who made the clutch shot earlier did it again!

We had one ball left. Erik tried to smash but missed. Victory was not Rod's. Again.

Not sure why I even needed to text this to Dave since I'm pretty sure he heard the cheering from the always quite vocal Iguanas while sitting in his apartment a few blocks away.


When I told SHR what happened, she said, "It seems like the other team always makes some miraculous shot to beat us at the end."


The next weekend The Wildfowl took their third championship. Congratulations turkeys!

This season, Rod heads back to Monday nights. Can we keep up our 8 game winning streak against them? Or now that they have changed their team name, have things changed?

And most importantly, how does team captain Sweet Touch feel about the Wildfowl victory considering the stated reason he left the squad back during the contentious autumn of '07 was because he wanted to have the most championships of anyone amongst the two rival squads? Now we have to win this season just for him to tie.

Bring on the fall!

Season Record: 7-5